I often dream of what it will be like
To have our hearts in sync
Beating in proclamation and adoration
Tick after tick
Heralded as one
Together in a fluid bond
That grows and softens
As the love between us strengthens
I picture
Wide awake
The views from hilltops
Do you feel the warmth
Of the kissing sunset and the ocean glow
Like your gloss left between my lips
Does our love make you feel just as alive
Each day
As the sun reintroduces its familiar glory
I long for the days when we share a name
Answering same
United by God’s grace and warm embrace
Oh I dream of the day
You become…

“Untitled” by Sanmi Adewunmi

The Gentle Invasion

It’s never really barnstorming or breaking and entering like a Wild Wild West movie, where the cowboys come in the middle of the night and take over. It’s mutual. You open the doors — and you let them in. Sometimes, you even offer water, food, or shelter. A place to lay their head next to you, in the bed you made home.

You see, the thing about this spectacle called love — this romance, emotion, and everything in between — is that everyone is at a party, but most are dancing to very different tunes.

The Perfect Routine Isn’t Perfect

Some want that cinematic 90s love: slow motion rays of sunshine, the perfect meet-cute. But no one wants to break a sweat. Everyone craves a perfectly choreographed routine, forgetting that to dance well, you’ve probably stubbed your toes a few times. Tripped over yourself in front of the big mirrors. Forgotten the counts. Missed the beat. Missed your heartbeat.

But it’s all part of the show. The beauty of a performance isn’t in its flawlessness — it’s in the effort. Every toe stub, every misstep, is part of what makes the final product your best performance yet.

Where Do We Miss It?

So where do we miss it? Why do we pretend we don’t want love, while low-key craving it more than anything?

You might be sitting there waiting for that man to text you. To check on the thing you told him about two weeks ago — the meeting, the pitch, the presentation. But he hasn’t. Meanwhile, he’s busy trying to convince someone else — someone uninterested or unavailable — that his love is worth receiving.

And you? You’re scrolling his Instagram. Again. Falling harder in his absence.

Or maybe you’re the man who swore this would be the year you’d settle down. Choose peace. Choose yourself. But of course, the only person you’re drawn to is someone who’s too afraid to love or believes every man with something dangling between his legs is set out to hurt her.

Sugarcane

So I ask you — what is it that makes it so hard to love yourself truly?

Why is it easier to stand there, pen in hand, waiting for the approval of someone whose eyes have never looked your way?

Why do we keep showing up at shops that never wanted our business?

It’s confusing, isn’t it?

How often we chase things that are not meant for us. How, in our youthful ambition, we believe we can be the exception — the explorer who softens hearts, the discoverer of hidden affection. But as you discover over time, you come to find that the best love stories are the ones where each person realizes that the fairy tale is only made real by the amount of effort you both put in.

The fairy tales you admire — your aunt and uncle’s 40-year marriage, your friend’s ride-or-die — they were built. On communication. On commitment. On choosing one another every single day. On being intentional.

The rise and the fall. The tone. The showing up even when it’s hard. None of it comes easy.

The Question Behind the Question

I ask you, as you read today’s piece, to ask yourself: the next time somebody asks you to introduce yourself — like many of us — will you start with what you do for a living? You’ll start with your career, your titles, the work that you do. And oftentimes, I would scold people for answering that question that way, because the question is what do you do, not what is your title?

But for the sake of this particular conversation, the next time somebody asks you what you do for a living, I want you to pause as you finish your answer and think about every single element of your life at that particular stage.

Think about your career. Think about what you own. Think about where you are. And then ask yourself: which part of that came easy? Which part of those initials behind your name came easy? Which part of the hard work that you have put into your body — the tear that you have soaked the soil with, that grew these beautiful trees and fruits the world can now see — what part of that was easy?

I reckon the truth is probably none of it. But the whole world admires it. The whole world yearns for it.

So what makes you think that the inner parts of what you seek are simple or easy? I told someone recently that love brings ease — but loving someone, including yourself, is not easy.
It is so much easier to give up. I know society today glorifies “ease” – anything that remotely requires extra effort. Some even hide behind sayings like “what is meant for me will come to me”.
While mostly true – nothing truly good comes without requiring some effort. Some energy.
And then maybe that is where the lesson is – if they do not want to put the energy into you – that is your answer. They don’t truly want you.
If one day, they say you are so great and the next they watch you in tears and let you leave? They never wanted you.
Good requires work. Great requires work+luck+God.

I think of my relationship with God and how that needs to mirror my love life. God never gives up on us.
No matter how much we try to push him away. In his grace, the door stays open. The door is open for you.
But at the same time, we have to choose to live right by him. The fact that he loves us unconditionally does not mean that he doesn’t require us to put in the work.
I hate to break it to you but if they don’t want to put in the work, if YOU don’t want to dig deep in you and put in the work for that person – then you don’t love them.

So today, I ask that you love yourself a little bit extra, but I also ask that you realize the level of intention it will take to be loved the way you want to be loved. That gorgeous IG couple you love so much – they put in work. Whether it was being intentional about communicating or saving money for long distance – true love is built.
And the great l
And then I recommend that the same effort you have put into your life to get to where you are today — you channel that into that particular space of your life — and watch what it yields.

Again this week, I want to thank everyone that has been reading and commenting so far, I really appreciate it. To close this week’s post, here are some questions I would love if you could answer in the comments section below –

What part of your life did not come easy, but is now something you’re deeply proud of?

Do you believe love should be easy… or intentional?

What does loving with intention look like in your life today?

Till next time, stay up!

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