Why does “love” today make us harder? In many situations, people come out of romantic relationships fully afraid of reentering new ones. Think for a moment – have you ever genuinely left an ex better than you met them? A better lover, more eager to love, more vulnerable, and in today’s word of the day – softer?
Those women that think they make every partner better, please exit left. This is not for you or your ego. I’m not asking if you did a good job being a pseudo mom to a man-child or did a great job babying someone. I’ve been thinking about how we sometimes treat relationships like a war zone and we are the aggressors. We come in and pillage – we collect and collect on both fronts, then we leave and each person has to pick up the pieces and make sense of the ruins.
I’d love to think of relationships as paid internships (unpaid internships should be abolished). You go in, you learn, express yourself, develop, and when the internship is over you get offered a full-time role. Sometimes we decline the role but it doesn’t stop us from being excited to take another in another company or another team. You should be leaving everyone you interact with better than you met them, in one or many ways.
Strive for better in your next interactions. Please note that better doesn’t mean going from 10% to 35% but it can be from 4%-4.2% and sometimes that is more than enough.
What is your threshold for joy?
Our trauma and pain often condition and asks us to know what our limits to pain are but never to identify what the max level of joy we can contain. As you read this if you have been heartbroken before I bet you can easily pinpoint how much pain your heart has felt and how it never wants to experience that again. BUT…can you convey the highest realms of joy that you have experienced and if your heart can expand just a bit more to experience more joy? Many of us don’t know.
There is a question we were not really taught to answer – what if it actually goes right? What if I experience tremendous joy? Peace? Love? The natural instinct is to prepare for the worst but what happens if we strive for the best?
I challenge US to think about our threshold for joy. What if, just what if it all works out? What if we find peace in the things and space we occupy? I want to learn how much happier I can get and most importantly, I want to allow myself to experience it without fear, guilt or trepidation.
I have too many emotional tabs open right now
I think we all do but I wanted to acknowledge that.
Thank you for reading another WordsOfWednesday. I appreciate you all being here. Please leave me a comment below – they truly make everything better and I hope you have a great rest of the week. See you soon and till then, stay up!
Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong. I LOVE YOU!
The Wordsmith Master of Cliffhangers
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Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
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Its 11:25pm and I just got in from my big “brothers” wedding. I haven’t even taken my agbada off. I heated up some food from the wedding and it’s sitting on the bed but I quickly wanted to write this and get my thoughts down.
I really like myself.
Not all the time and frankly, not even most times but I like me I’m becoming. This week, I prioritized rest. Today, I forgave myself without the long process of self-degradation and punishment. I like me. I like that I’m fallible. I’m coming to terms with it more and more. Growing up and chasing perfection, I realized that it was impossible to beat myself up more than anyone else could. I would truly berate myself for some of my actions – yes, because I wanted to hold myself to high standard but again, to what end? I am more good than bad, as a matter of fact, I’m overwhelming better than I’m not. So why do I define myself by my scars and not the beauty I am irrespective of them?
I’m also realizing that I appreciate people that love with grace. We all have our lines we draw in the sand and honestly, people are bound to cross them. We are human. But with the people you love, as long as it is not intentional, I hope you love them with grace even when they may hurt you. Chastise in love, hold boundaries with grace and find a way to stay true to your internal values.
A few months ago, I wrote about going on a trip with my friends and expecting them to call out that I had lost weight. It didn’t exactly happen but this weekend, everyone could not stop talking about it. It was an encouraging and firm reminder that when I’m dying in the gym, I’m not crazy and the results are showing.
There are some facts about life: the sun rising, gravity, taxes but the most important one is that Sanmi in a suit? Chef’s kiss. I looked soooo goodt this weekend.
The kicker, was I forgot my belt at home. So instead of buying another one, I had to roll up my pants all weekend because the clothes I made two months ago are now too small. Omo. 😩 I was in sifiaaaa pains last week when I took in my suit to get tailored – tailoring $60. Suit that I bought on sale for $69.99. Problem.
I’ve switched from my green and grown diet a bit – more protein (chicken) and Shirataki noodles are my newfound love. It’s been great, exciting, and above all – healthy. I am liking the way I look but am excited for what’s to come. ———-
A few weeks ago, I was at the gym when I noticed a woman helping a young man on the soccer field. She was holding his hand and talking him around the field – they were chasing a soccer ball. It took me a few minutes to realize he was blind. Admittedly, my first thoughts were “wow, he’s so strong to still love the game of football despite his condition” but quickly that changed. A recent training I had at work helped influence my mind – his situation was not meant to elicit pity from me first.
How many times have people told you “it could have been worse” or “someone out there has it worse than you”? https://www.ted.com/talks/stella_young_i_m_not_your_inspiration_thank_you_very_much#t-180612 This video changed my perspective on so much – someone’s pain does not need to be your inspiration. In my mind, it doesn’t come from a place of genuine kindness to see someone in pain and your first thought is “wow, at least I’m better off than they are” There are biases that always find a way to sneak into our minds. I’m calling out one of mine that I’ve been working on, hopefully, you can too.
A little over a week ago, I was returning from the gym and racing to catch a work meeting. There was a guy trying to turn his car around as I rushed to find a parking spot. He was blocking me and he was moving soooo slowly! I was soooo frustrated. So I honked at him to move out of the way. He moved slowly. I was cussing under my breath as I went to find parking and as I drove past him, I noticed he had a flat tire on the side of the car that I couldn’t see before. I felt so small. I was like “damn, see your whole life outside” I didn’t find parking there, so I had to drive back around and past him. As I got close to him, I said – “hey, I am sorry I honked at you. I did not now you had a flat tire” He smiled and said “yeah, I appreciate that” I asked if he had someone to help him with changing the tire, he said he had the tools and he would do it himself. I drove off and I went to park.
It was a humbling lesson for me that morning. Many times we rush to judge people and we do not know what their flat tire is. We do not know what they are carrying and nursing. I felt soooo small but I also felt strong in coming back to apologize. None of us is beyond correction and if anything, I was proud that I found a way to say sorry. Be kind(er) today in every space you occupy. Do not be the extra needle in someone’s already flat tire.
Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong. I LOVE YOU!
The Wordsmith Master of Cliffhangers
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It’s 5:42pm and I need to head to choir practice soon. I am looking at items on aisle E2 at Target and listening to worship songs through my AirPods. I’m on the brink. The next song, the next beat, the next string may break me. I turn to head to another aisle and it happens. Tears. Yup. I drop to my knees and I begin sobbing. It’s been as if my chest has been tight for weeks. Something – I don’t know the thing – has been heavy on my spirit. Actually, it’s a lie. I know at least one of the things. But back to me on the floor in Target. This is the culmination of weeks and months of holding it in. Being strong. And finally, right next to the dish soap, I broke.
Describe what peace of mind looks like to you? Take a moment and think about it. No, stop reading and just think about it. When was the last time you felt peace? Not your house/home being freshly cleaned and quiet with a candle lit. That’s peaceful. Not peace. The peace part is inside you. It’s intangible but when it’s present, it fills up the whole room and some can’t see it. But they can feel it.
This particular edition of WordsOfWednesday is a dump. Its a few of my thoughts from many months. So yes, they may be all over the place but I hope they connect with some of you.
I was at the Maverick City and Kirk Franklin show last Friday and many times I cried. Before they started, I wrote out a list of prayer points and I hoped God would speak to me. As I write this portion, I feel like I will cry again at any moment. But here we are. Writing brings me peace. I just want the one that stays. It’s been many months of fleeting emotions. On various trips, I forget my worries. I detach but I have found that if you don’t spend time finding the peace that stays, you’ll never have for too long. I used to have it in church, now two weeks in a row I watched the service from home and rolled my eyes. I used to find it in friends but I feel like many have forgotten what it feels like to truly be there.
Sometime last year, someone old me that one of my brake lights was out. I have some work that I need to do on my car, so basically I ignored fixing the light. But I realized that I was always afraid to drive at night. If a police car came up behind me, I would drive and hope I didn’t have to step on my brakes. This happened for months, almost a full year. Then one day while getting my oil changed, I asked the guy if he could help me change my lights. I already had the bulbs in the car the whole time. A few minutes later it was done and I was driving off at peace.
It got me thinking about how many times, we are the architects of our own heartache. Many times we just need to take a few minutes/hours/days to focus on fixing that one thing but we choose to put it off and it hurts. That healing, that letting go of pain, that closing a chapter – we put it off for so long and it hurts us even more. Don’t be like me, fix your light.
Clean on the inside, clean on the outside
A few weeks ago, my friend’s father celebrated his 70th birthday. I was privileged to sing at the event. When it came to giving speeches about him, everyone basically said similar things. The biggest one was that he was the same man inside the home as he was outside. Like they literally meant, the version the world see is who he is to the core. For me, it was humbling in many ways. Most especially because I knew I had to aspire for that.
Are you the same when the lights are off or you’re in a different crew? Will people say your core values never waver? It really got me thinking and it’s something I want to strive for.
Who are you? Like truly! Forget all the stuff you do for people and outward things – when you are sitting in your car – alone and reflecting, who are you?
Personally, I am a beautiful and flawed soul. I am kind, thoughtful, patient (to those I like and some people), generous (with time and resources), introspective, highly irritable, stubborn, sometimes stoic and so. I know myself – to a certain degree.
The challenge here remains, that sometimes we put ourselves in situations that force us to question who we really are. Nothing should be making you doubt your true self and if you are in spaces that do that, you need to leave.
For me, the times that I have felt like I didn’t know myself were the times when I went searching for acceptance over being true to myself. Most of the times I have clashed with people, a part of it is rooted in the fact that I know myself and regardless of their opinions, I wouldn’t budge on my core self.
I heard a short sermon at a worship session today (more on that later) and the word simply said
“God has already loved you the way you are. He has chosen and accepted you. We just spend our whole lives trying to come to that realization even though it was settled long ago”. It struck me. The sadness I feel right now is rooted in the fact that I wanted to be accepted by certain people but upon true evaluation, they added nothing to my life. So why continue to feel less than for people or spaces that don’t leave me with more?
Again, know thyself. Know what makes you tick. What your flaws and strengths are. Your vices. Your limits and boundaries. And then hold them. Evolve but don’t “change” – stay true to you because in your life, you are your only constant.
Thanks for reading! Leave me a comment below with your thoughts.
Some friendships are only for a season, Sometimes they come in during your harvest Others during your drought Some are the shoulder to lean on Some need your shoulder A few are like mortgage contracts Thirty-year fixed Others are shorter than a Netflix show When some end It’s like an Iroko falls in the forest While others end with a soft block and unblock Then you change your Netflix password And forget they ever existed
The fear of loneliness is what makes it hard for some of us to audit our friendships because the truth is after some of those reviews, you’ll realize you were already alone. That you had grown apart while standing next to each other. Amazing to see that the pandemic of the last two years has brought many closer and some others completely dropped out of the picture. When was the last time you audited your friendships? Auditing also means reviewing your own performance and input in that space – are you worthy to still be called their friend?
Over the last few days, I have been thinking about the concept of “shelf life” and the spaces we occupy. Think of it like this – remember that vase your mom or dad had on the shelf. All your childhood, it was just there, in some African or Latino homes, it may even have been the place they hid emergency monies or keys. Notice how it was there for years and despite not moving much, it always served a purpose? Those are your riders, they may change color, grow old but they are there and impactful. Others are like the flowers in the vase – pretty for a while but ultimately, they “die and fade” and you hardly remember them beyond the short excitement they provided in the time they were there.
Auditing my friendships over the last few weeks, the following random thoughts jumped out to me
Stagnation is scary. Not really the stagnation of you life but truly looking at the core of a man or woman. Money doesn’t buy swag. Houses and cars don’t hide insecurities. And truth be told, sometimes the wealth you acquire to cover the manhole of inadequacies, only makes those flaws more glaring and sad when they rear their heads. I realized quickly that I am very afraid of seeing my friends stagnant, emotionally to be precise. How are you still having the same types of fights or outbursts as you did when you were 21? Where is your evolution? Do not be stagnant. You may have more money in the bank, and more rings on your hands but has the child in you grown? Found peace? Start within.
Am I the drama?
If you are the one constant when drama arises in a group, maybe, just maybe you should stay closer to your therapist and be more diligent in your self-improvement work. The tweet above sums it up. At some point for your friendships and relationships to blossom, you need to find a way to self-reflect and introspect. Are you the drama? Are you the one people need to tiptoe around? Have you gotten those mood swings in check? Do you drift in and out of being present? Are you still unable to see the group but only yourself? Hmmm.
When did we become our parents?
I noticed a few months ago that I was the person that would be wronged by someone and not really feel the need to defend myself. Happened a lot. People would say or do things that were false and I would always rely on “God knows best and my truth is mine” I recently realized where that came from. A few years ago, there was someone in my church that was going around telling lies about my dad – the Pastor. It was causing so much pain to me because all I wanted to do was defend him but he always told me to let it go. For months, it raged on till the person left the church and went to another church. Still smearing his name.
A few months later, I came back home late in the evening, it must have been around 11pm. When I pulled up, there were cars I recognized around the house. Walking in, I noticed a group of people in the second living room. They did not see me, nor did I want them to but I did peek in. Guess what I saw? That same woman and her husband were on their knees begging my dad. She apologized for lying against him and such. And my dad in typical fashion, he forgave. My mother was furious! But my dad has always been big on forgiveness. And so am I, the only difference is that I am not one to forget, you will not do it to me twice. IT just got me thinking, when did I become my dad? I am super particular like him, I dress serious like him, and I emotionally approach things and conflict like him. Damn, I truly am that man’s son. Sorry, Maury.
Are you like your parents or guardians in any way? And when did you realize that you had become like them? Let me know in the comments below!
It’s been a minute Since we spoke I love how you always call Voicemail Redial No fail I love knowing you are there All around me But not around me I may not call Till my next interview Not even before the recruiter screen Let’s talk after the final stage So you can work your consistent magic Get me the best package Fully remote With unlimited PTO So I can now tweet that I’m a tech bae Tithe into your household No way
Nobody can check me Ignoring calls for offerings into your storehouse Because it comes through a messenger I don’t rate But so do my bills Xfinity, T-mobile, and Student Loans are never late And as you directed I do to Caesar I give Building fund Who go belief Every day between Bakare and Oyedepo I lose Faith in the doctrine Their behavior is like a slap in the face Religion no longer makes me feel like a Winner I stand in the Chapel annoyed But not like Jesus Me More rage At a younger age Oh Lord, why did I ever come of age?
The women bully the young girls Forget your curves that dress must hide them You don’t want to tempt the boys Those ones do no wrong They flaunt freely like gun slinging soldiers Unhappy church women forcing marriage down the throats of young people We know their husbands cheat Their RN wives will never admit defeat On the offense Jesus is a mighty God Another testimony It’s my 10th anniversary with my husband this month But it’s his 60th rent payment for mistress this month Direct deposit All the church does is gossip Settle down, settle Join the train of unhappy souls In the place where we save lost souls
So here I sit Disillusioned Disconnected Despite knowing my relationship should be with you Not the establishment But I need the establishment Because within you, I am not established Yet Why does the church that made me love you in Bible Tales Now make me draw my sword to protect myself from it’s absurd tales
I stay in the place of worship Not because I hear thy voice But because that choir hits the notes and every chord They have the best YouTube reputation Far and above Nothing beats sprinkling a little legwork into my praise and worship It’s for the kids they say It helps us stay hip But further lost I feel The church no longer feels like home When I close my eyes to pray All I see is her on her knees No pray Taking deep breaths It ain’t about faith That wasn’t her name This is about me and you Honest and true I love you I do But do I know you
Every day I find more ways your “word” divides people Or those you called discriminate against your blessed people I’m torn I was sure that growing up Would mean more of you But the more they “tell me of you” I see less of you in them And then less of me Because who I was before was rooted in you Now he feels like a distant past Long in the rearview So here is me pouring my heart out I hope you hear me I’ll try to pick up when you call Or call you back at my earliest convenience Or when next I need you I hope that’s still cool
I told my mom last week that I felt “tired” of my church. Something changed – the love went out the door It was sudden, abrupt and then just gone. I used to be the person that couldn’t wait for Sunday. Praise and worship lifted me up, even when I wasn’t singing. I just loved being there. It usually meant my whole day but I loved giving my time. I am not sure what happened and I think it may just be my church because I don’t feel this when I go to others but I lost the spark.
Not just for going to church but for speaking to God – period. It felt hard because I know I need him and he has done soooo much for me(please tell me you sang Tim Godfrey’s Nara here” I struggle to hear him in my private bible readings but I noticed that I would always hear him in song. In private moments of worship and praise – he would speak and I would hear. So I know all hope is not lost, maybe I need to change my church or something in my life but I wanted to share this post with you. It’s vulnerable, it’s not cute, it’s not Big Daddy Adewus but it is one of the layers that defines me. I believe my faith and my upbringing in Christ has influenced a lot of the man I am.
Last week, I was trying to record a video for my IG after my workout and this song came on Oba to nja Funmi by Gbenga Akinfenwa. I have heard it before and many times but that day, the words struck. Despite my faithlessness and unfaithfulness, God keeps fighting for me. And he has never left me to wishes of those that do not have my best intentions at heart. I felt vulnerable and embarrassed and I almost decided the video would never see the light of day but I see all of you that interact with the “realer” side of me. I know there are people the song may speak to or this caption may speak to. So here it goes.
I hope you are happy, at peace and loved within yourself. If any of those elements is missing and even if it is not, here is my heart to you and a hug from me to you. I pray God keeps fighting for you and I. Please check out my blog for my Convenient Christian series and enjoy Part 4. It is as real as it gets. Till next time.
It’s been a tradition for many years that on my visits to Lagos, I get incredibly inspired to create new content. Whether that is writing or pictures or even business ideas, something always pops up. The struggle always comes around taking the time to actually write or share the content created – something I hope to improve on in 2022.
But last night, I slept early. In my hotel room alone, after missing dinner plans, I ordered in some Afang (not a fan) and Eba. Because I need to watch something while I eat, I watched Zootopia. Don’t question me! I love my kid/animation movies. Shortly after, I knocked out and I woke up about an hour ago. 6:56am. I have plans today that I am very excited for but for now, I wanted to put down a few thoughts swirling in my head. 2022 is young but it already promises so much, so here are a few thoughts.
If you are like me, there are certain things that have been on your resolutions list for a few years. You keep watching it and moving it from year to year like a depreciating asset on your balance sheet. Look, life is hard. Mr Eazi lied. But one thing I have always lived by is that regret is much worse than failure. Think about the things you regret, not saying “I love you” to someone or seeing your favorite actor and not asking for a picture. Those linger longer and cut deeper than the time you burnt a recipe you tried for the first time or when you got a low mark on a test. The key here is that you tried. Me, in certain areas of my life, I am never afraid to try but in others, I hesitate.
I ask us this year to just do it. Execute on it. You really won’t “fail” because you’ll be learning from each instance. Do it now, so you can look back months from now and see progress and learnings. Not regret for never starting.
Stop Breaking Your Own Heart
Stop waiting on that apology. Stop expecting that person to treat you better. Stop overstating your importance in the lives of those around you.
Most of my heartbreak in recent times has been from over-extending my heart into areas where it had previously been scarred. For a long time, there was a person that I wanted our relationship to work so badly. The biggest stumbling block, they are the friend that never apologizes first or sees they’re wrong unless they’re completely backed against the wall. Believe it or not, there were nights I would cry because I just wished they would do better. The final nail in the coffin, they tried to gaslight me. This person said to me that they believed how I responded to them upset them and they couldn’t explain it. Plus they assumed some of my tweets were directed at them. On said day, I was working and very busy. So obviously replying the message was not a priority. Don’t get me wrong – I was fully aware that them not getting a prompt reply was a trigger for them but what happens when I am not even looking at my phone or focusing on that at all? Or when MY own world is busy. Anyways, the friendship fizzled out and I have no intentions of being the one to rekindle it because I am tired of breaking my own heart. IF all the time passes and they are not self-aware or reflective enough to realize where they messed up and own the situation, why should I keep hurting myself?
This year – say no to things or situations that keep traumatizing you and stop breaking your own heart.
You do not have a monopoly on someone else’s happiness
Less Ego, More Love – nothing related to Wizkid or Burna or Davido or Shatta “He needs a psych eval” Wale. Oftentimes, we believe that because of what we experience with certain people, their future happiness should be tied to how they made us feel. Sorry but that can’t work. Never. A previous ting of mine got engaged recently and it was beautiful to see. Truth be told, I knew it would happen someday – aside from our relationship she was a good person. But a part of me always felt slighted that she wasn’t this great version of herself while with me. Self-reflection will tell you that I probably had a part to play in that but I still felt a way.
In 2022 and beyond – please remember, you do not own people or have any influence on their short or long-term happiness. Focus on making you the greatest version of yourself and leave the rest for the universe to sort out.
If you are like me, you have been through quite a bit. It’s normal. We’ve seen things and felt things. Been hurt, hurt people and seen ourselves evolve. One thing about people is that we wear our trauma like tattoos gotten in dark alleys and reminders on our hearts like passport stamps but we fail to sit in our happy moments as if the showers of joy come with hailstones.
Much of the trauma and hurt you have faced have you cautious, closed-off, defensive, reclusive, overextending, overcompensating, unable to accept compliments or love, and so on. It’s normal and perfectly okay but this year, look into the mirror like Issa and forgive yourself. For the parts, you played and for the things you did or said, then forgive yourself and move on.
You deserve light and fluffy love like perfect pancakes. You deserve smiles that light up the room. You deserve the best YOU.
So go after that person in 2022 and truly be the best of you. The world will be better for it.
It’s barely 4pm and I just had my first meal of the day. Well if you count my smoothie, then I guess second. But my smoothie was three scoops of protein powder and half a cup of Almond milk. I’m deep in the trenches.
It’s been 3weeks since I started my Green and Grown diet (basically eating only veggies and things growing out of the ground with chicken and turkey for protein). It has been an interesting road so far. And I figured I would share some updates on how things are going. So here are some of the lessons I have learned in my 21days of changing my diet and my life
Lesson 1: Ignore the scale and the mirror for a while
You know how you, yes YOU will go to the gym once and the next morning you’re looking for the abs or the fatter ass? Yeahhhh same concept. I struggle a lot with this because on most days, I would wake up and check myself in the mirror. Mostly because I would always observe my body and make sure everything was still in place and still working. You know 30+ vibes
But there have been many days where I look at myself and because I don’t see the full sculpted version I have been working on, I briefly get discouraged. Thankfully I ultimately push through but I can’t help but notice that I struggle with it. This past weekend, I was at a birthday dinner for one of my really good friends and someone hugged me – touching my torso, they said “oh wow, your work is really showing. I be seeing you go off on IG but you’re killing it” The next day, I had another event and people again complimented my progress, despite the fact that I was wearing a sweater that hid most of my body.
There is progress – someone asked me recently after complimenting “how much weight have you lost?” I honestly don’t know and I don’t want to know. I have found that the scale has been one of the places where my joy had been stolen. So no I do not want to know. I would rather continue working on myself till I see visible changes that I want like I sleep better, not be short of breath when I run upstairs or I can go longer – hehehe if you know what I mean. So my lesson for you as well in this time, ignore the scale and the mirror – keep pushing and one day you will look up and love the way you look. I guarantee it – props to you if you got that Men’s Wearhouse reference!
Lesson 2: Love on yourself more than you want others to
Positive talk – remind yourself that you are a work in progress and frankly you are doing the work. For me, I decided that this year and this stretch would be when I change my body for the rest of my life and that means a lot to me. For who I Want to be – for my wife, my kids, my future.
I am trying to be kind to myself in any way possible because like I said, I am doing the work. I realized that my discipline is the biggest gain I can ever get – when it’s all said and done, it won’t be how many pounds lost, it will be how much I’ve proven to myself that I would never give up. And that is love. Never giving up on someone or something.
So spend time telling yourself you are awesome and you are great. Remind yourself that you will achieve all that you want to achieve.
Lesson 3: Celebrate the small wins
Last week on one of those days that didn’t feel so great at the gym, I felt annoyed. I was starting to lose faith in the work I was putting in. But from somewhere I got the nugget (oh how I miss those!) to focus on the small wins. That for me looks like in the last 9 days I have typically eaten dinner before 6pm. Some days are even closer to 4pm.
Yes. I would eat a decent-sized meal (really small – sample picture below) and just drink water later at night when I get hungry. There was a day last week when I REALLY wanted to drink Garri with Peppered Turkey but it was 10pm. I almost gave in but I forced myself to say no. I drank some water, and some green tea and I went to bed. The next morning, I had a smoothie for brunch and forgot about the night before.
I am cherishing my small wins. The compliments I have been getting from people about looking smaller and my face shrinking. Someone even told me my head was getting smaller. I NEVER knew that was possible.
I urge you to celebrate your small wins AND the big ones too. What are you currently working on that you can point to as some small wins? Please share them in the comments.
I hope you have a fantastic rest of the week and as always, please share and comment.
Written 4/5/2022 after eating the last batch of beans and chicken for dinner before a call with the Nifty Nine.
I was standing in front of the ATM, I inserted the checks and it spat two back out. I grumbled a bit and then I reentered them – this time around, they worked. With a sly smile on my face, I emailed the receipt to myself and I headed out of the business/bank center. It was one of those that doesn’t have any people – just the machines and virtual portals. I headed back to my car and before I started the car, I began to hear voices.
I know what you are thinking. What is wrong with this guy? But it was the echoes of the songs I was playing before I went into the building. It was me singing “Ololade mi Asake” over and over in my head. I turned on the car and the song had finished, it was now a new song but I could still hear those voices too. We all hear those voices.
I remember one day when I was much younger, I ran upstairs to my mom and I was like “you called me?” She frowned and said “no” Then she added “don’t answer if you don’t see who is calling” All my Africans or Black people in general reading this all rolled their eyes because here is a Nigerian mother telling you to be sure you see her before answering. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT???? Nope! Mothers be wanting you to even answer while they thinking of calling you!
The whole reason I was depositing those checks is that I stopped listening to voices. The checks were some gifts given to me by members of a church I went to sing at recently. Standing there – instead of appreciating some of the gifts that come from my gift, all I could think of was the voices that said I wasn’t good enough. I have one friend in particular that would tell me not to sing whenever I would sing around them. So are the hundreds of people around the country that I sing, can’t they hear? Do they not know good music? That’s incredibly hard to believe. The last time I sang, 4 separate people came up to me to tell me how much they loved my singing and how I carried myself. Yet, before each time, I would hear my friend’s voice saying “no”
Truth is, we are all victims of it. We drown out the voices of praise and amplify that of our doubters. It is important to listen to the voices, especially the praise – you need the fuel. I am not saying doubters are always wrong, otherwise, too many people would be Soundcloud rappers. Sometimes those voices are the voice of reason and they force us to strive for better – for greatness. So they are important in the room. But they should not be so loud that it makes you want to stay out of the room.
There are also times that you are those voices you hear. You push yourself too hard. You negative talk yourself. You put yourself down. Stop it! You are deserving of greatness, belief and the confidence of someone bound to do great things. I am not a fan of those fake self-talk pages on IG (especially since IG is a hub for tons of negativity) but find your own source. Pour the positive into your soul. Every chance you get. Fill your room with enough loud voices – so the next time you are in front of a room ready to present or a church ready to sing or alone at the ATM, the only voices you hear would be of those cheering you on.
Till next time,
Please COMMENT your thoughts below. Thanks for reading!
It was recently brought to my attention that I haven’t written one of these audits in a while. The last one was 2020. I think with the way the world has gone over the past few years, I can be cut some slack. Glad to be able to pen this now and give you some insight into my world and where my mind is or has been.
I also figured I would share some of my 2022 goals with you
Big Goals for Big Daddy Adewus 1. Pray More 2. Touch more lives 3. Be kind to me 4. Enjoy life 5. Argue less, resist the urge to defend yourself
Faith: I am a bit tired of my church. My personal relationship with God is “good” at best. I haven’t felt too hot on certain things connected to my faith recently but thankfully I still pray and talk to God and he talks to me. I am working on the latest edition of Convenient Christian (a piece I write, I’ll post links here for you to check them out), so look out for that. Link to the last one here.
Because I have been “running” from God a bit – I think it has affected some key things I relied on him for. Discernment, gratitude, divine guidance and so on. The past week has been hard on my heart for various reasons but mostly because I felt I had let God down. Not in specific actions – before anyone thinks this is some “gotcha” moment but because I just wasn’t plugged in. The lessons from the past year and this last week have been hard. But I was able to just lay it all at his feet this past Sunday. I went back home. And while I worshipped and praised – he spoke to me. Then the Pastor came on his sermon was EXACTLY for me. Man, when God is with you, he is with you. I am thankful but there is still more work to be done.
2021 Final Score: D 2022 Expected Score: B+
Fitness: As I write this, it has been 11days on my Green & Grown diet. Except for Chicken and Turkey – everything I have eaten over the last 11days has either been vegetables or things have grown out of the ground. I am starting to like the way I look but I also have been going super ham at the gym lately. I got this app called Fitbod – it basically gives you exercises every day to do and helps take away the guesswork. I love it! At 7am every day, it tells me what workouts to do that morning and I can crush it. All in all, I am enjoying this new phase. I decided that I want to get the body of the rest of my life, starting now. I am tired of waiting till a week before a vacation to start detoxing or drinking smoothies. If I want this life, I need to work at it now and I am more than determined.
2021 Final Score: C 2022 Expected Score: B+
Creativity: I need an editor. I have so much written already. I need to actually POST but I always get weighed down by the prospect of having to edit. If someone can help me, I will really appreciate it. I have tons of series lined up (are you ready for the rollercoasters?!), I have the novel in motion. I want to learn how to write scripts.
I started a food IG and I now have more than 250 followers. @chefadewus Please follow and support me if you can. AND my Pinterest page!
My podcast is back and SmallChops is a perfect fit. We need a woman to join us consistently though – preferably someone in Canada or the US. Hit me up if you know someone or you are interested.
I also need to restart my French classes + piano.
2021 Final Score: C-minus 2022 Expected Score: A
Finances: I changed jobs in the summer of 2021. One of the biggest companies in the world came after me, aggressively. It was so humbling and validating. Better pay, better company, sign-on bonus, better everything sha. By the end of 2021, I had hit all of my savings goals for the year – I ended up Detty Decembering some of that money away but that is not the point. Last year, I proved to myself that I could save and I am already on my way again this year. So I am very excited. I have big BIG goals in 2022 and 23. So man must save – I am even on a budget right now. And if you know me, you know I stick to my budget! 2022 is the year of big bags and sometimes that just means closing the big bag already in your hand.
2021 Final Score: B+ 2022 Expected Score: A+
Relationships: This is where the most learnings are for me. Romantically, I am satisfied and happy. Butterflies. Boarding passes. Boba Tea.
In friendships though, it has been a rough year. March 2021 brought a friendship breakup of a friendship that was 12+years old. When I still think about it, it stings deeply but it is what it is. I was already nursing a difficult week and then I walked into church and this was the Pastor’s sermon (when I told you God was talking to me, I was not joking)
Friendship is a choice Choose friends that fill you up. Friendship is loving Friendship is trusting Friendship is loyalty
This past week for me was another reminder to remember the difference between acquaintances and friends. It sucks to think through that feeling but it is necessary. One of the things I struggled with growing up and being bullied was that I wanted to be loved by everyone* As I get older and wiser, I continue to realize that wanting that is toxic and actually having that is fake. To make some relationships work, you find yourself pushing and doing more than you ever would need to. And then you find yourself empty and resentful. Unnecessary.
I took stock recently and I should be proud. I have friends like Seyi that I have had since 2003 and people like Anthony that I have been brothers with since 2006 – 16years. We started what is now our crew called Nifty Nine. 3 out of the band is married with kids, people are in committed relationships thriving. I have my PDG crew expecting our next baby, two weddings are upcoming. And I have the Ninz’s of my world, the Nnenna’s, the Renny’s, the true Brethren, and more. I have never been one to say “No New Friends” but Omo, my squad is already deep. So I was grateful for the reset because it allowed me to look around and appreciate what I have that is solid and these people ACTUALLY love me. They show up for me. They care about my person and my growth. My soul and my heart. So while these recent times have been hard, I am thankful for my true friends.
I am also freshly inspired to be a better friend to the ones I hold dear. Excited for all our growth, love, accountability and friendship.
2021 Final Score – F 2022 Expected Score – B
2021 was rough in many ways – a medical diagnosis that I reject in Jesus’ name, pandemic, soaring prices of everything. But it was also a year of newness, growth and love. I am super excited for 2022. It already started off so great – engagements, birthdays, babies, new jobs, leaving toxic things and people. It will only get better and I am sooooo excited for it. Thank you for reading my review and catch me in early 2023 by God’s grace for a recap on this year. In the meantime, check out my current content (below if you are on your phone and on the right side of the screen if you are on your computer).
Til next time,
Thanks for reading as always! Thank you for commenting. Here is to a fun and blessed 2022! You are highly appreciated.
Tonight, I cried. I was listening to the song above and I became overwhelmed with gratitude to God for everything he has done for me. A few days ago after a long day of errands, I came back home and I was actually about to go to sleep when I heard a loud and obnoxious knock on the door. It was late but I walked to the door and opened it. It was my neighbor. He came to tell me that I had left my car running for 4hours. Can you believe that? I completely forgot to turn off the engine. I do not know what would have happened if it kept running for more hours (about to Google it). I was grateful that nothing catastrophic happened plus I am thankful to God for using my neighbor whom I have never spoken to beyond hi and bye, to come and ensure I didn’t lose my vehicle.
Yeahhhh, right there… on the head
If you follow me on Instagram, you will probably have seen videos of me at the gym. I am always dancing in my recordings. Most times to gospel music. A few days ago, I walked up to an equipment and I bumped my head because someone shorter than me had lowered the bar. It hurt – I see you short people, or maybe not.
But as I massaged my head, I went back to working out and dancing, people kept staring and I thought o myself, I am the weird person in their own gym life. But I love God and singing his praises anywhere, I was not going to stop that.
I was in line at the grocery store when the cashier said “you know you don’t have to wear that anymore?” He was referencing the recent mask mandate that had passed in California – we don’t have to wear masks anymore. It felt weird hearing that. For almost two years straight, we had gotten used to wearing this thing everyday, now you are saying we don’t need to? Can people go back to “normal”? Do they even want to? I kept my mask on because I still feel the panini is not over but it got me thinking, even after COVID is finally under control, will I stop wearing a mask? Most likely not. I will probably end up wearing it every flu season as well. Just to stay protected. Some try to act like the masks are evil or something but guess who hasn’t had the flu in two years? Exactly. I’m keeping ‘em on. Will you keep wearing masks or have you already thrown them away?
I am tired. Physically for the most part. About a month ago – I was in Los Angeles and on my first night there, I laid down in my hotel bed. I had plans to link with my younger brother. I placed my head on the bed at about 6:30pm. I woke up at 2am – the whole night was gone.
Before I slept, I felt dizzy and like the room was shifting – I have known it for a few weeks but I struggle to rest. Most weekends are filled with a birthday party here, a brunch there, church on this side, DIY projects on that side. It’s made for a tired me. I need to rest and as a full adult, I am scheduling it for next weekend. Isn’t that bizarre that we now have to schedule rest? What happened to being a child and just not going to class or sleeping and ignoring your chores? S M H
I watched a talk the other day about relationships that said as you get deep into it and kids come into play, you have to schedule sex. At first, listen, I thought it was bizarre but seeing how busy I am now with all I have going on and no wife and kids yet? Nah, I completely agree with that person. Heck, I have been trying to make an appointment with my left hand for months now and no luck. S M F H
My best friend called me a Nigerian parent because I keep finding things around the house to work on. First off all, “and soooooo”. Secondly, “even thoughhhhhhh” I truly am always working on something but frankly, I need rest. In the meantime though, please follow my latest thing, my Pinterest account. Every follow, like, and share counts. Thank you!
Recently, I was driving and this person in front of me was moving so slowly. I maneuvered around them and began yelling, I was so annoyed. Then it hit me. Why was it so hard to be kind in that moment?
I remember the first time I was ever let go from a job. I was so heartbroken that day that I drove home so slowly, I was crying and confused. What if someone honked at me as I drove? Would I have been able to hold it together? Maybe, maybe not. It was a timely reminder to be kind always. That person could have gotten word that their health was poor or just been having a bad day – you never know. Spread kindness, not continue a chain of the hard in a world already hard enough.
10:48pm – I had been on this wave of eating earlier in the evening, in my attempt to not eat late. So I would eat my first “big” meal around 6pm and if I was up late, like on this day, I would snack on something. The choice this night was the super delicious sausage rolls from @AllIDoIsCook. They get shipped to my house and I get to feast on such goodness. They come in air-tight packaging. That night I decided to use a knife to open the sausage roll pack. As I picked up the knife, my mind told me to use the scissors instead. You probably already know how this ended. Yes, I cut myself.
I was staring at my hand and I just burst out laughing, I knew. I flipping knew and most of us know. We feel it, we see it. The signs are clear and glaring but we go into it anyways. The last time I dated a woman that had poor communication skills and couldn’t express herself, I knew I would eventually get hurt. But she was soooo fine and yes, she had/had bum bum and I went inside head first. Omo _, she just made me catch feelings and started making me return to my toxic ways. As hard as they may come, run from the things that will bring you hurt.
Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong. I LOVE YOU!
The Wordsmith Master of Cliffhangers
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