Hello, guys. Welcome back — and welcome to the first edition of What the Heck, Man? – Words of Wednesday for the second half of the year.
Yes, for the millionth time: the second half of the year begins in July. Not June. You June folks — please get it together.
The funny thing about this edition that you’re about to read—or hear—is that I’m writing it from a completely unexpected place. I didn’t plan to be here when crafting this particular post. But here we are. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the mid-year What the Heck Man update.
And honestly, it should probably start with the signature line: What the heck, man? Because… where did the year go? I feel like I just wrapped up the 2024 review a second ago, and now we’re halfway through a new year. So, let’s get into it—here’s a real account of how things have been so far.
If I had to sum it up in one word, I’d say: good. It’s had its turbulent moments, sure, but overall, it’s been steady growth. Some parts of life have gotten a lot clearer, while others have fully closed—or at least been shelved for now.
Physically and mentally, it’s been a grind. Between the gym and making a real effort to get back into therapy, I’ve been putting in the work. But unlike past years, I finally feel like I understand how most of this is supposed to function. And that’s something I’m actually proud of.
There are still a few things I’m figuring out—some pieces that have pushed me to dig deep in ways I hadn’t really acknowledged before. I recently saw a video from my friend Toni, and she said something that stuck with me: it’s easy to think you miss someone—or something—because of hope. But really, a lot of that longing comes from the rush of dysfunction, not the actual person.
When you slow down and start peeling back the layers, you begin to realize you don’t actually miss them. You miss the version of yourself that was still holding on to the potential. That clarity only comes when you sit with yourself long enough to ask the hard questions—and be honest with the answers.
If I leave you with one thought going into the second half of the year, it’s this: hope can be dangerous. Hope without action, growth, or signs of life is a waste. Because eventually, all that effort you pour in can come back empty. And worse still, the person or thing you were hoping for might turn around and say, who asked you to do all that?
So, remember that the next time you feel tempted to overextend yourself or compensate for people who are either unwilling—or maybe just unable—to meet you where you are.
On a brighter note, fitness has been going well. I’ve dropped some weight—not that it’s the main goal—but more importantly, I’ve gotten stronger. I’ve been consistent. And I think it’s finally time I give myself credit for that.
I Met Jacob Banks
In a very random but beautiful twist, I just met Jacob Banks — one of my all-time favorite artists. Top 3 for sure, maybe top 5. I had a full 15-minute conversation with him about music, touring, performing in Nigeria, and more. It was so surreal.
I ran into him while heading to my flight back to the States. We just ended up talking. It was one of those really organic, fulfilling moments that didn’t require a selfie or a picture. The most I did was FaceTime my best friend — who absolutely lost her mind — and she even got to say hi to him too. Wild huh?
Beyond that, the past 24 hours have just been good vibes only. I spent quality time with friends, did cool stuff, and yeah — I’m flying today at 11:20, but was out till 4 a.m., in bed by 5:30, and by then, the sun was already out. No regrets.
Rest Is Productive Too
What stood out most during this trip was prioritizing rest. I made a conscious decision to not open my laptop, to disconnect completely — and it was one of the best things I could’ve done for myself. Just a few hours from now, I’ll get back to it. But for now, I’m holding on to this space.
I traveled through Belgium, Germany, Luxembourg, Albania, and wrapped it up in London. Albania was the last stop before London — and honestly, it was the best leg of the trip for deep rest and true recovery. London, on the other hand, felt like I stepped back into myself — recharged and realigned.
All in all, I’m just feeling grateful. This mid-year check-in is a reminder to rest, be present, and embrace the unexpected. On to the second half — let’s make it count, shall we?
I don’t mean just being by yourself—I mean sitting in it. The dark. The stillness. The quiet hum of loneliness. The ache of longing. The parts of solitude that aren’t curated for aesthetics or ease. The moments that feel raw, maybe even a little heavy.
One of my best friends told me earlier this year, “You need to get more comfortable being alone.” At first, it felt like a strange thing to say. I talk to people every day. My job requires it. My life is full of interactions. But here’s the twist: connection doesn’t always equal closeness. And presence doesn’t always mean partnership.
I’ve started to realize that part of the challenge of being human – especially one who loves deeply – is that sometimes, we reach for things we were never meant to hold on to. People. Ideas. Dreams. We cling not out of lack of self-love, but out of habit. Out of hope. Out of the desire to not feel the silence echo back too loudly.
But silence can be sacred.
I’ve also come to understand something hard and humbling: most adult relationships don’t fail because people stop caring. They fail because we stop communicating—clearly, vulnerably, honestly. Not just with the other person, but with ourselves. We build castles together, brick by brick, dream by dream. But somewhere along the way, the signals get fuzzy. The messages change. And instead of leaning in, we dig our heels. We let ego lead. We take stances. We build walls.
And suddenly, you find yourself sitting across from someone who once felt like home, now needing a translator just to stay in the same room.
So I say this with love: Sit down. Open up. Feel it all. Talk through the fear. The misunderstanding. The need. Let yourself be seen. Let yourself be held. Choose relationships that can hold both truth and tenderness. The ones that allow for uncomfortable, foundation-shaking conversations and still choose grace.
Summer is finally here. And whether I mentioned this in my last post or not—I’ll say it now: Plan something just for you.
A staycation. A solo trip. A weekend with your best friend. Even if it’s not this summer, book it anyway. Let it be your reminder that you matter too. That your peace is worth protecting. That you don’t have to apologize for putting yourself first—not this time.
You deserve that kind of care. You deserve that kind of joy. You deserve you.
Please comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
There are days where the sound that bellows through my world is a ceiling fan or the 20 trains of thoughts racing across the map vastly drawn by my experiences, interactions, footprints that I’ve registered all around the world.
There are days where my right arm is asleep because it holds the head of someone graceful and comfortable enough to let their guard down and find solace in my throbbing bicep while I lay awake wondering when I would get invited into the version of safety that they feel as they silently snore next to me.
There are moments where the dance is beautiful but the music is sad and there are days where the steps are clumsy because the music brings so much joy, happiness as the tenor, peace like the unmissable but not pinching soprano.
And then there are mornings like today where none of it
and everything exists at the same time.
There is no head on the pillow,
there is no sleep within thine eyes, t
here is no joy dancing within my soul
but then there is me
there is God o
and the comfort in knowing that if everything else fails you’re still loved by The One.
Now of course many of you reading this would say clearly you have a lot of love in your life and that is true. I’ve spent the last few weeks celebrating some of the people who are dearest to me and at the same time I found myself on the brink of the unknown. In the last couple of months I’ve been traveling everywhere and anywhere.
Home,
abroad,
close,
far,
present,
absent.
Much of it has felt like going through the busy and often unspoken part of building community – the showing up.
Invitations to life changing delicious Crème brûlée pancakes or dizzying pasta dishes that fill you up and remind you that there is love in food as much as there’s love in the people that you hold dear. I’ve been scheduling what is supposed to be my rest before my long next set of trips. I’ve found people try to find me while I’m finding myself.
There’s so much that’s going on in the world lately. I recently asked a friend why they thought more and more people have been visibly attracted to me. Now if you’re attracted to me and you’re reading this blog do not be discouraged – you are not alone. Cryinggggg Sanmi why are you like this? Okay, I am joking o.
Okay maybe not but let’s proceed.
If anything the fact that other people are attracted to me validates the point that you smart!* because people want what you want. You might be a visionary you might have wanted it first but you know props to you. At the same time it feels overwhelming because what is more beautiful than being wanted but not by the person that you want?
You didn’t expect that one, huh?
Now maybe that is my life.
Maybe it’s not.
Who knows?
Maybe I’m just saying that for dramatic effect as I write this.
We’ll never know.
Joking, Am I?
Read that last line backwards and rest LOL
But isn’t it so beautifully complex? One thing I’m learning to appreciate more and more as I get older is understanding how even in the beautiful interactions you have with certain people you are reminded that some people are there only for a moment, for time, for a season. And then some people like my best friends are for the entirety of the journey.
A lifetime.
So back to that attraction thing. Now I’m not talking about like the unknown in terms of like you can’t tell if that person really likes you. I’m talking about some women be putting it on.
Now I also want to say this for the fellas. If you’re out there confused if you feel confused about whether or not she likes you, she doesn’t like you, bro. Or maybe you’re just not attractive enough.
I’m here to tell you the truth today. And I know majority of my readers are women. So for the few guys that are here, sorry that I had to break that truth to you.
But if you’re guessing? if you have to ask them? if you have to try to sort their actions to find moments that validate whether or not they like you, then odds are they might care, but maybe they don’t like you enough. Because one thing that has become very obvious to me in the last few weeks is that when a woman likes you, my brother, you go know. And the ones that have the confidence, the experience will find a way to make it obvious and then make the decision fall back into your court for you to decide what you want to do with that attraction.
And ladies, if you are confused or unsure if he knows you like him – then you have not made it obvious enough.
It is very hard for folks to reconcile the fact that I love to dress up, I have different talents that God has put in me – put a pin in that I’m going to come back to the talents in a second – the fact that I’m good at a bunch of different things, I work hard, I try to take care of myself, it has been a lot.
Even in all of that, people don’t realize that I’m very shy. Oftentimes, I simply just want the gaze of the person that I want and I simply just want the gaze of the person that my gaze is fixed on.
And to have the overwhelming reaction, and I’m talking the grocery store, I’m talking the bank. Who goes into the bank anymore, by the way? There’s something about the uptick. And the only thing I can confidently attribute it to is the light of the Lord, because I don’t think that there’s anything unique that I do.
And maybe there are other guys out there that get way more attention than me, and I should just relax. But it has been quite a bit. And somehow, some people assume that it should make you feel higher in the world.
But if anything, it then brings on the pressure of the fact it’s not why I want to be seen. I want to be experienced in the world for the things that I am blessed with, my talents, my gifts, the fruits of the Spirit within me. And at this phase of my life, that is probably the second biggest area of pressure or stress, is that I do not feel like I am fully maximizing my talents the way I should.
Yes, I am writing and in the last few years, this is the most consistent I have written on this blog. And I still have a novel that I need to get to. Sanmi Saturdays is still a thing that I haven’t fully fleshed out just yet, and I want to.
But at least I’m posting on the blog. But I’m not editing the videos I should be editing. I’m not posting the pictures I should be posting.
I’m not sharing the other gifts that God has given me. I’m not singing at church like I used to for over a decade.
I am not writing this book that I’m supposed to be finishing up. I feel like I am wasting my window, and I know folks would point to some people who made it in their 40s, and J.K. Rowling, and Chimamanda, and this person, and that person, and I get it. And I know God’s timing is the best.
But I also fully understand the folks who just get to their mid to late 30s, and they say, hey, I’m taking a year or two off work completely. And maybe I need to start considering doing that, because the work doesn’t let up. The better I get at my job, at doing my job, at delivering, I get more and more work put on my plate.
So there isn’t going to be a time where you’re going to just fully have nothing to do, which is where that depression comes in, because you have to make the time. So because I love to leave you all with a lesson, even while I have a therapy session with myself, this blog, here’s a lesson I would say – make sure you’re doing at least something.
At least one of the areas is being covered, and you’re doing something to further yourself. So if you’re not writing, maybe you’re reading. Maybe you’re mapping out what the process will look like eventually.
Just be doing something. Last but not least this week, I wanted to ask you all, does liking Instagram pictures, does it matter to you all? I don’t know what it is, but I have never been in a relationship or liked someone and deeply cared about who they were, liked. The only time that has happened to me was someone that I thought was physically more advanced.
I wouldn’t even say more attractive than me. I liked someone and I could tell that they were more invested in the fitness or lifestyle content of somebody else. And a little bit of jealousy crept in there.
But more than that, I think I use the app the wrong way, because I’ve been accused of “when I see baddies, your like is there.”
But for real, na non fine people I suppose dey like their picture? I don’t know what it is, but I like everything on the app. There are some things that I don’t like.
Even an ex, if I saw a picture or video, something you posted that looks fire, I will like it. I think that is what the app is for, is to let people, is to acknowledge the creativity, the ability to compose either pictures or captions or videos or outfits and recognize that. So when I see that or when my explore page suggested to me, I will not hesitate to like it.
Now, you have to know me well enough to my core to know that I actually don’t care about those people or even some of my content. When I post certain things, I move on. I don’t go back to look at who watched.
I don’t go back to look at how many likes it got. The one I care about the most probably is when I make cooking videos, when I see a lot of saves, you know, either means I edited it well or I made it look appealing enough to others. And that I will always be proud of.
But outside of that, I don’t care. So imagine my frustration being questioned and I also think it’s important that in relationships, you don’t use always and never, because saying something like, “whenever I see a baddie, you’re always in their likes”
First of all, there’ll be weeks where I don’t post anything.
There are months where people have to reach out to me and be like,
“hey, are you good?”
“Are you on a break?”
“Why are you not posting?” So I don’t know. I wanted to ask you all, and maybe if there are fellas that are reading this, maybe you can chime in as well because of how you receive it with, you know, women. Because for example, I will say I don’t have the same reaction in terms of women when it comes to them liking men’s content.
I think it just feels like a lot more women use the app and a lot more women post. That’s just my perspective. I know as a heterosexual adult man, I am probably getting fed more women’s content – pictures and videos.
I think that’s what Instagram thinks that I would want in this phase of my life. So less men, but I like the guys that follow me and I respect them. I like their content.
When I see it, I post it. I try to amplify it, but I’m curious to find out like, do people care that deeply? And is someone’s Instagram liking behavior indicative of the kind of person that they are? Because in my mind, I’ve seen people who don’t post anything at all, but they’re the biggest cheats. I’ve seen people who like everything and they don’t like me, who don’t even remember what they liked.
Like sometimes I go in the app, like I go once a day, like around midnight. That’s usually when I would end up posting my gym pictures and they’re done. And sometimes I just go to the reels tab and I like everything I see, or I go to my explore page and I’m like, Ooh, my friend follows this person.
I like that. And I just keep it pushing.
I don’t remember it.
And then sometimes six months later, that same profile will repost something. And then I’ll be like, Oh, that’s a nice picture. And I click on it and I’m like, Oh, I’ve liked the picture of this person six months ago.
I don’t recall this, but still a nice picture though. Like it and move on again.
So I’m curious to find out is, is, is Instagram that serious to people? Um, I want to know. Anyways, last but not least, summer is almost here. It’s basically here.
If you haven’t been in the gym, if you haven’t been taking care of yourself or your diet, you probably have maybe a few more weeks to try to get right. Um, not saying that to overwhelm you or make you feel sad, but I actually brought that up to say, try to book something, even if it’s a staycation in your city. Um, even if it’s like a weekend trip, try to do something, get a change of scenery, afford yourself the time to rest.
If you can, you deserve it. You’ve worked hard so far for the first half of the year and you deserve a pat on the back. I’m pretty sure I would write to you all again before then, but if I don’t, here’s me telling you, take some time for yourself and let’s all be kinder to each other.
It’s been a hard working year – you and I deserve grace, kindness, rest, and love.
So until next time,
Stay up!
Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
Sometimes I wonder, and I think about writing and posting on here. Another week, another Wednesday. Welcome to this week’s episode of Words of Wednesday with the one, the only, The Wordsmith.
I once hired an editor to edit some of my blog posts. Not entirely because I wanted someone to edit the grammar—shout out to all the AI tools that do that now—but because I wanted the person to summarize what each blog post covered and send it to me. Because if you’re in a particular season or frame of mind, it’s very easy to continue to speak on the same things over and over.
And I didn’t want a scenario where I was always writing to you guys week over week about the same things, not allowing myself to expand my mind beyond whatever it was I was thinking about.
So on today’s episode of Words of Wednesday, I’ll just go ahead and tell you what’s on my mind.
“You need to go that department do your forensics and then come back”
As of the time of writing this blog post, my energy has been off.
And one of the beautiful things about being self-aware is that it allows you the opportunity for introspection—to sit down and do a sort of forensic analysis of everything happening in your life, or everything that may have happened to get you to that point.
For me, in thinking about why I’ve been feeling the way I have, it’s obviously been a very difficult month within my friend group and family. Work has been really tough. But at the same time, I know exactly why my mood is off.
Despite all the things I just mentioned, in most cases, I still make time to push through. But I find that with this particular subject matter—or when a particular person and I are not in active, positive engagement or conversation—my mood is off.
Now, some of you will try to speculate and figure out who that person is. I promise you, you won’t figure it out. But we know, right?
And the beautiful thing about that self-reflection is it made me think about all the places where I’ve ignored the promises I made to myself.
One of the challenges I find as I get wiser—and I hate the fact that I keep saying that in these posts, because I’m like, damn, I don dey old o—is that I want to offer something meaningful to my kids. I don’t want them to have to wait until I’m in my 50s, 60s, or 70s to know how I feel about them or about the realities of my world.
Because I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life documenting my truth, my experiences, my realities, and trying to keep a conversation going with my current and future self.
This week, I’m nursing a left shoulder injury. Work has been off the rails—off the chain busy, as well. Life has just been lifing.
But we keep pushing through. We keep trying to advance and move ourselves forward.
This week, I want to tell you guys a few things that reminded me of promises I’ve made to myself—whether it’s through therapy or just adulting in general.
For the first time in almost a year and a half, I opened my affirmation book cards and read them.
Initially, I stopped reading them probably because things got better—or I got busy. That’s one of the things about life: it never stops. Loving someone never stops. Loving yourself never stops. Being active in a relationship with God never stops.
You have to continue to actively work on it every single day.
Of course, I got comfortable and told myself it wasn’t necessary anymore—when in fact, that’s exactly when you should lock in more.
I’ve picked up a lot of lessons along the way in life. But one that continues to stand out came from a TikTok I saw a few years ago—and it’s changed almost every relationship for me.
The TikTok said: “If they couldn’t speak, would their actions show you that they love you?”
Pause. Don’t think too deeply about it. Think about the immediate thought that comes to mind when you think about that person—and how they make you feel.
If they were silent for a week, would their dependability or thoughtfulness, without using words—make you feel seen and loved?
If they didn’t have money to send or didn’t buy you gifts, would the other things—how they care, show up, or hold space—make you feel loved?
I can’t tell you how many times just thinking about that has changed my perception and perspective on relationships.
I had to do that forensic analysis I mentioned earlier and ask myself some difficult questions: How do I feel with this person?
….for the Ladies (and Gentlemen)
So ladies, take a moment.
If he doesn’t talk, does remembering the things that are important to you make you feel seen? Loved?
If he wasn’t complimenting your body, does the way he looks at you—with love and genuine affection, make you feel loved?
If she doesn’t cook for you, or she doesn’t get jealous, does that mean she doesn’t love you? Or does it just mean she expresses it differently?
It doesn’t always have to be romantic relationships either. Think about your friendships:
How do they speak of you?
How do they hold you in regard?
Do they go out of their way to make you feel important?
I was talking to one of my really good friends the other day, and in the middle of our conversation, I mentioned something I was about to do for someone I care about.
He said, “This one… just use your head, sha. They will just use your head again”
And I thought to myself, Nah.
There’s a tendency, due to my natural predisposition to be generous and thoughtful, to continue being a doer. But I speak here all the time about reciprocity. I speak all the time about feeling seen.
All my life, and in all my romantic relationships, all I’ve ever really wanted was to feel seen.
And I don’t believe I’ve spent enough time truly seeking relationships that make me feel that way. In many of them, I’ve had to guess how they felt about me or make excuses for the lack of care they show me.
So I want to ask everyone reading this—especially the ladies:
If you have to ask them if they love you or even like you, shouldn’t that worry you?
There’s a tendency in today’s world to live at extremes. People are either super nonchalant or lovebombing you. You have folks who want you to move the earth before they even show that they like you.
But I don’t believe you need to wait. If your heart is pure, and you genuinely care, your natural instinct should be to show it.
If the person you love—man or woman—is having to ask how you love them, maybe you need to re-evaluate how you’re expressing it. Maybe you’re not speaking their language. Maybe you’re not loving them in the way they need.
So ask yourself this as we head into the second half of the week and into next week:
If you didn’t speak, would all the people around you know you care?
That question can apply to the present. But it can also reflect the past:
Have you done enough in your current or past relationship for that person to trust that you care?
What was the last thing you did to make yourself feel seen?
Do you feel like you put the same vim and energy into your platonic relationships?
If not, it may not be too late.
Find out what’s important to them—whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, or simple consideration—and speak that language.
And I hope that even in your own silence, you would still feel loved—based on how you’ve shown up for yourself.
Till next time. Stay up.
Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
If your life changed—actually, let me rephrase—when your life changes, how would you know?
I always find it curious and interesting for us to understand the markers in our lives that indicate change. Does it mean more money? More access? A better friend group? A more accomplished circle? Maybe even more fame, to be honest. But I’ve come to understand that the change in our lives might not be obvious to everyone. If we drill down and look a little closer, we can often see significant indicators of how our lives have changed—or improved.
It’s a little past noon. One team in England just won the Premier League title. We’re not going to say their names, but congratulations to my youngest brother and his team on their accomplishment.
My Uber is on its way. The Uber ride from Brooklyn to New Jersey—an eight-mile drive—is going to cost me $140. Now, somebody will probably ask me, “Why didn’t you take the train?” Well, the train would have taken me an hour and 40 minutes total. I guess there were some delays. But here’s the issue: it’s not about the money, nor is it about the time.
I feel a little bit feverish—just because I feel like my emotions and my heartstrings have been tugged significantly over the last few days. I’m not in New York for a great springtime event or to have night brunches, even though I was able to work one or two into the schedule. I came here for a more somber and sober experience.
But more importantly, being able to be here at this time is one of the most significant indicators that my life has changed.
You see, I came here to support someone I care about. And historically, when I think back to similar situations years ago, I was either the “I-support-you-with-prayers” or “that’s-crazy” type of friend. But being able to rise up and be present for my friend through this situation has reminded me that my journey is not linear—and that progress is not always directly connected to joy.
What I mean by that is: this situation is not joyful. It’s not joyful at all.
But being able to show up and wrap support around the people you love should bring you joy. It does bring us joy. By far, it’s one of the biggest indicators that my life has changed.
Like I said before, whether it was long-distance friendships or even relationships or family situations that had you on the other side of the world when your closest people were going through important things—something about being able to be physically present, and not just physically present, emotionally present… to have the emotional capacity, the bandwidth, the empathy—all of those things are signs of growth.
For me personally, empathy has been one important sign of growth. When I was much younger—or even a few years ago—whenever something would happen, my first thought would be, “Oh, that sucks for that person.” But then I would be so invested in what was going on in my own life and in my own world that I don’t know that I was always the best at showing up or supporting the person in the way they needed.
So you can imagine that this bumpy ride to the airport has given me much-needed perspective and gratitude—even in sadness—to be able to say thank you to God for how much my life has changed, and for how much the lives of those around me have changed.
Pivoting here—I have a question for you.
How would you know that the person who loves you, loves you?
Yes, there are days where I see couple pictures on Instagram or Twitter, and I honestly just roll my eyes because… are you the first to be happy? But I’ve come to find that as we go through our hierarchy of needs, community and companionship become significantly more important as our lives evolve.
And some days, I want that. I don’t want it at the expense of my individuality, nor do I want it at the expense of my sanity.
But how would you know that you are loved by someone romantically?
I’d love to find out from you. So if you could, write it in the comments section. It could be how you knew somebody you cared about loved you. It could also be how you found out that someone you cherished prioritized you.
I’d love to know. So leave it in the comments section.
I think that as I get older and wiser, it’s important to understand that love doesn’t always show up in the forms we’ve been conditioned to appreciate—whether through Disney or even through watching our own families. Oftentimes we love to try to map our own story based on what we’ve seen—our parents, our uncles, our aunts, or even our friends.
But the truth of the matter is: your love story, for what it’s worth, has to be unique.
Your love story has to be what you want it to be and what you make it to be.
More importantly—and I’ll say that again—your love story has to be what you make it to be.
So if you want romance, if you want to be swept off your feet—be light on your feet to be swept off. If you want romance that is divinely expressive, full of love through words and actions, well—get that muscle ready.
Start writing so you can be the lover you want to be. Start writing so you can be the lover you want for yourself.
Too often today, many men and women are not the version of themselves that they would date or want to spend the rest of their lives with—but they demand that in other people.
It’s important that before the requests or the demands become known, you have mastered being that lover for yourself. Being that truth for yourself.
So today I ask you: how would you know that you are loved?
But let me be more specific with that question.
How would you know that you are loved based on how you love yourself?
Something for you to think about today.
Last but not least—summer is coming up pretty fast.
By the time you read this, it will be the last day of April. You more than likely have maybe two months to get as close as possible to the body that you want.
Lock in.
Not just lock in mentally—lock in physically. Lock in financially.
Nobody has ever said this statement before:
“For summer, we go sweet.”
Not “For April, you go no.”
Lock in.
And have a great week ahead of you.
Tell me something you have in your life right now that you didn’t have in 2019?
What are your shareable plans for the summer?
How do you know when you are romanctically loved?
Till next time, stay up!
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Did you not hear how loud we cheered How the joy drowned out the fear Oh how you let the memories drift Of how you attracted fans from many streets Near And there They all came to see your light Did you forget the prayers I said over you? Safely embracing you between how toughened walls Telling you stories of how I knew you would be great Because God promised me The Heavens affirmed it Before morning affirmations became fashion Did you forget how the love I have for you Beamed from my chest more than I could imagine How your smile whispered it back to me Your gentle snuggles softened me I am sorry life made you forget How you’ve had love that simply required your existence That I gave you a name that demands respect First from thyself Then everyone with breath I am sorry you slept on it Your tabernacle of many promises You, my love Deserve to be filled with a love that promises Not to change or exceed But to be true and present Never forget That the first love you knew Calmed your nervousness Before you became used to the system of anxiety The love I pray for you is one that is true First to itself and then to you Because remember, I told you…
– “a mother’s reminder that you deserve a recognizable love that knows it wants to find a home within you”
I often dream of what it will be like To have our hearts in sync Beating in proclamation and adoration Tick after tick Heralded as one Together in a fluid bond That grows and softens As the love between us strengthens I picture Wide awake The views from hilltops Do you feel the warmth Of the kissing sunset and the ocean glow Like your gloss left between my lips Does our love make you feel just as alive Each day As the sun reintroduces its familiar glory I long for the days when we share a name Answering same United by God’s grace and warm embrace Oh I dream of the day You become…
“Untitled” by Sanmi Adewunmi
The Gentle Invasion
It’s never really barnstorming or breaking and entering like a Wild Wild West movie, where the cowboys come in the middle of the night and take over. It’s mutual. You open the doors — and you let them in. Sometimes, you even offer water, food, or shelter. A place to lay their head next to you, in the bed you made home.
You see, the thing about this spectacle called love — this romance, emotion, and everything in between — is that everyone is at a party, but most are dancing to very different tunes.
The Perfect Routine Isn’t Perfect
Some want that cinematic 90s love: slow motion rays of sunshine, the perfect meet-cute. But no one wants to break a sweat. Everyone craves a perfectly choreographed routine, forgetting that to dance well, you’ve probably stubbed your toes a few times. Tripped over yourself in front of the big mirrors. Forgotten the counts. Missed the beat. Missed your heartbeat.
But it’s all part of the show. The beauty of a performance isn’t in its flawlessness — it’s in the effort. Every toe stub, every misstep, is part of what makes the final product your best performance yet.
Where Do We Miss It?
So where do we miss it? Why do we pretend we don’t want love, while low-key craving it more than anything?
You might be sitting there waiting for that man to text you. To check on the thing you told him about two weeks ago — the meeting, the pitch, the presentation. But he hasn’t. Meanwhile, he’s busy trying to convince someone else — someone uninterested or unavailable — that his love is worth receiving.
And you? You’re scrolling his Instagram. Again. Falling harder in his absence.
Or maybe you’re the man who swore this would be the year you’d settle down. Choose peace. Choose yourself. But of course, the only person you’re drawn to is someone who’s too afraid to love or believes every man with something dangling between his legs is set out to hurt her.
Sugarcane
So I ask you — what is it that makes it so hard to love yourself truly?
Why is it easier to stand there, pen in hand, waiting for the approval of someone whose eyes have never looked your way?
Why do we keep showing up at shops that never wanted our business?
It’s confusing, isn’t it?
How often we chase things that are not meant for us. How, in our youthful ambition, we believe we can be the exception — the explorer who softens hearts, the discoverer of hidden affection. But as you discover over time, you come to find that the best love stories are the ones where each person realizes that the fairy tale is only made real by the amount of effort you both put in.
The fairy tales you admire — your aunt and uncle’s 40-year marriage, your friend’s ride-or-die — they were built. On communication. On commitment. On choosing one another every single day. On being intentional.
The rise and the fall. The tone. The showing up even when it’s hard. None of it comes easy.
The Question Behind the Question
I ask you, as you read today’s piece, to ask yourself: the next time somebody asks you to introduce yourself — like many of us — will you start with what you do for a living? You’ll start with your career, your titles, the work that you do. And oftentimes, I would scold people for answering that question that way, because the question is what do you do, not what is your title?
But for the sake of this particular conversation, the next time somebody asks you what you do for a living, I want you to pause as you finish your answer and think about every single element of your life at that particular stage.
Think about your career. Think about what you own. Think about where you are. And then ask yourself: which part of that came easy? Which part of those initials behind your name came easy? Which part of the hard work that you have put into your body — the tear that you have soaked the soil with, that grew these beautiful trees and fruits the world can now see — what part of that was easy?
I reckon the truth is probably none of it. But the whole world admires it. The whole world yearns for it.
So what makes you think that the inner parts of what you seek are simple or easy? I told someone recently that love brings ease — but loving someone, including yourself, is not easy. It is so much easier to give up. I know society today glorifies “ease” – anything that remotely requires extra effort. Some even hide behind sayings like “what is meant for me will come to me”. While mostly true – nothing truly good comes without requiring some effort. Some energy. And then maybe that is where the lesson is – if they do not want to put the energy into you – that is your answer. They don’t truly want you. If one day, they say you are so great and the next they watch you in tears and let you leave? They never wanted you. Good requires work. Great requires work+luck+God.
I think of my relationship with God and how that needs to mirror my love life. God never gives up on us. No matter how much we try to push him away. In his grace, the door stays open. The door is open for you. But at the same time, we have to choose to live right by him. The fact that he loves us unconditionally does not mean that he doesn’t require us to put in the work. I hate to break it to you but if they don’t want to put in the work, if YOU don’t want to dig deep in you and put in the work for that person – then you don’t love them.
So today, I ask that you love yourself a little bit extra, but I also ask that you realize the level of intention it will take to be loved the way you want to be loved. That gorgeous IG couple you love so much – they put in work. Whether it was being intentional about communicating or saving money for long distance – true love is built. And the great l And then I recommend that the same effort you have put into your life to get to where you are today — you channel that into that particular space of your life — and watch what it yields.
Again this week, I want to thank everyone that has been reading and commenting so far, I really appreciate it. To close this week’s post, here are some questions I would love if you could answer in the comments section below –
What part of your life did not come easy, but is now something you’re deeply proud of?
Do you believe love should be easy… or intentional?
What does loving with intention look like in your life today?
Till next time, stay up!
Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
Man shall not live by bread alone. Well, he may not live at all but if he does, I will make sure he has no bread.
Tinubu, 2023
It’s been a sluggish morning—one of those where you have to roll yourself into action like an aging coffee maker. Slowly grinding. I slept really late last night after getting into a heated conversation with one of my favorite people in the world.
Pleasant? No. Necessary? Yes. So you can imagine my slight frustration and surprise as I rolled around and realized it was only 6 AM. Essentially, I had been asleep for about four hours.
I had a doctor’s appointment last week where they asked how much sleep I get every night. Before I could answer, my heart sank completely because I knew that as soon as I said the number out loud, I would get that look from the physician assistant. And lo and behold, I did. Slightly disappointed, but almost like an older sibling or a parent looking at you, saying, This is bad, but you can do better. And better is what I want.
I want to sleep better, to sleep through the night. Part of that comes from my dedication to going to bed early and not being a night owl. That means making sure the dominoes fall the right way—like eating dinner at a healthy time. I’ve been trying to eat before 8 PM this year. By doing that, I can get in bed, stay off my phone, slowly convince myself to sleep, and voilà—it’s 10 PM, and I’m already knocked out.
The problem? I’ve built up such a habit of staying up late that on the days I do sleep early, I not only miss out on conversations with some of my favorite people, but people start wondering if something is wrong. Guys, me sleeping early doesn’t mean anything is wrong. I’m just getting old.
Anyway, today, I was standing in the kitchen, and I wanted to tell you all about my love for omelets. But before I get into that—obviously, omelets aren’t entirely what I’m talking about. I’m talking about more than just eggs (which, by the way, are expensive these days).
There’s been a huge dialogue on social media—both in Nigeria and America—about the price of eggs. Well, both countries have made their questionable choices. One elected an idiot, and the other allowed an idiot to steal the future of many kids and half a generation. But that’s not why we’re here.
A few weeks ago, one of my absolute favorite people was at my home. While I was finishing up my morning workout, I got a text message that read: Would you like an omelet? I’m making one. As someone who rarely eats breakfast, my first thought was, Yay, I get to eat!
But more importantly, Yay, somebody is making the food, so I don’t have to worry about it. And very quickly, I thought to myself, Huh, I should eat more. But again, not why we’re here.
The omelet was so good that I have since made an omelet almost every single day I’ve worked from home in the last two to three weeks. One key part of my fitness goals is understanding that I need to eat breakfast consistently. It sets the tone for my day and helps me stay on track. But often, by the time I get back from the gym, I either have to rush into a meeting or I’m just not in the mood to eat—so I skip it.
That day, I was so grateful to be asked that simple question because, one, it meant I could eat, and two, I loved the feeling of being taken care of.
A major frustration for me as I get older is feeling like I pour so much into the people around me, but I don’t always feel that energy reciprocated in ways that speak directly to my heart. Note that I didn’t say people don’t care about me—I just said I don’t always get those gestures in the way I want to receive them.
So yes, the omelet was fantastic. I had breakfast. It was a great start to the day. But here’s the thing about that omelet: in making one every day, I’ve been able to stay on track with my fitness goals and rekindle my love for food in a way I hadn’t in a long time.
I never made a lot of breakfast foods because, growing up and in college, I always felt like eating breakfast made me sleepy. And I wanted to be alert in class. So I wouldn’t eat, then I’d be starving by the evening and overeat. You know the cycle.
So, being able to re-engage with my relationship with food has been fun and helpful. But why did I start talking about this omelet? Because I think it’s important to allow people to show us love in ways we may not fully understand—simply because they love us.
We often want to control how love manifests in our lives, but it doesn’t have to be grand or big.
To the person who made me the omelet—thank you. But more importantly, thank you for just being you. Who knows? Maybe they were just hungry and knew I had more eggs than they did. (I joke, I joke.)
But the reasoning doesn’t matter. What matters is I got my omelet. I got some breakfast. And I’m appreciative of it. So this week, I want you to allow yourself to receive love in the little things. And maybe, just maybe, have some eggs.
Now, back to reality. As I write this, I need to finish washing dishes and start my day. It’s 7:03 AM. I’ll return after I’m done.
(7:09 AM) Before I started washing the dishes, I really didn’t want to. I woke up groggy, a little heavy. I just wanted to get ready, go to the gym, then to the office, and call it a day. But I’ve been working on consistency—like making sure I don’t leave dishes in the sink.
There was a time I was so busy that I completely forgot to do the dishes before a trip. When I got back three weeks later, there was a used wok in my sink. Thankfully, it was dry, so no bacteria grew—but still.
So, standing at the sink today, I debated skipping it. Who’s gonna check me? But then I reminded myself: Your desire for greatness will never outwork the effort required to be great.
It might just be dishes, but apply that to anything in your life. That life you imagine? The relationship you want? Your desire for it will never be greater than the work required to build it.
It only took six minutes to wash those dishes—six minutes that will make my evening so much better when I return home to a clean sink. Small actions add up.
So whatever you’re chasing in life, just start. Be methodical. Be consistent. And don’t let the urge to procrastinate win.
Lastly, a quick complaint about one of my favorite brands. Rihanna, I love you. I know you’re never dropping another album. You’ve been lying to us for years, and we’ve accepted it.
But I need to say this: men want pockets in our sleepwear!
I love the fit of Savage Fenty. The fabric is luxurious. The colors are top-tier. But there are NO pockets. Why? Men like pockets. We need pockets.
You gave us a tiny chest pocket. What am I supposed to do with that? Sleep with my phone in my chest? Come on, Rih. Do better. Thank you very much.
Anyway, thank you for reading. And shoutout to me for being consistent and posting this on time.
Stay up. Avoid trouble. And do a little extra toward the greater you. You’ll be better for it, and so will the world around you.
Peace.
Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support. You are highly appreciated.
Sitting in Lagos, Nigeria over the holiday period, I kept asking myself, how bad do you want it? While everybody picks a word or picks a guiding principle to explore the year or to navigate their year – you have people saying, “this is my year of glory”, “this is my year of joy”, “this is my year of favor”, upliftment and things like that. That and more can and will be true in Jesus’ name. But at the same time, I can’t help but get the understanding or the revelation of the concept of how bad do you want it.
You see, there are certain things that are ascribed to us by just being children of God. There’s another tier of things that are being given to us by being diligently serving children of God. And then there are certain things that are given to us by being actively serving, improving, being impacting and fruit-bearing children of God.
So you see, at the end of the day, there are certain things that God will give you for just being present. And then there are certain things that God will give you for the work and in showing that your life is of reverence to him. And what do I mean by that? I’ll give you an example.
In this piece, I’ll try to use as many examples as much as possible as I reflect on even some of the previous things from 2024. A good example is living in the same zip code or in the same, like, cal-de-sac of a former president, right? Let’s use the great Joe Biden as an example, right? For those of you, I hope none of the people that are reading my content every week are people that voted for the felon that’s in power right now. But if you guys remember that frail old man that tried to keep our democracy and make sure we didn’t lose our minds, imagine living on his street in Delaware, where his family home is based.
Now, let’s just assume that in the last four years while he was president and he was in the White House, you happen to buy a home on that street or in the adjacent street. Now, he now finishes his tenure as president and returns back to his home, obviously this time around. He has the Secret Service monitoring his area, there’s always light because even though he’s not directly in power, he still influences national and global security.
So they put more effort and emphasis in making sure that he’s safe. Now you, who owns a home on that same street or two streets down, you kind of get the protection of having so much focus on his safety. So by virtue of it, sometimes when you’re driving down your street, there might be cars parked, there might be secret agents even living around the area, just making sure that everybody’s being safe.
That is what I meant by the first layer of by just existing in that space, you’re benefiting. Now imagine if you and one of his grandkids were friends. And you are welcomed into their home, you would need to get vetted and go through security checks. Now there are extensions of things that would come from being that close and building the relationship with his grandchild. Maybe you’re the grandchild’s best friend, for example, right? You’re helping them grow. You’re pouring into them. Naturally, your status continues to grow and the likelihood of you getting blessings or gifts from that relationship becomes higher. And for many of us, the goal is to get to a point where we are actively serving, improving our lives and the greater rewards that come from that.
But the truth is for a lot of people, you’re just okay with okay. So while you pick your great words for the year, and they’re all important, you know, this is the year of breakthrough, joy, favor, upliftment, everything. This is also the season that I want you to start thinking, how bad do you want it? People, it’s very easy to post things like, this is the year that my life will change forever. You know, “I just feel something great about this year”, but how bad do you want it? How willing are you to give up the things that won’t get you there, for the things that will most likely get you there? As I review my life today in terms of where I am, I feel gratitude and, you know and pride that by the grace of God, I have some of the things that I have. And I was telling someone recently that when I speak on some of the things that I have, I don’t even mean them to be material things. Sometimes it’s knowledge, lived experiences and the grace to have some out on the other side.
Sometimes it’s a friend talking to me about an issue, and I had experienced it before or I know someone who has experienced it. One of the things that I think our parents love about growing up or becoming older is they have more in their bank. And that bank could be a few different things. It could be emotionally, it could be financially, it could be socially. They have a little bit more to give to the people that they love and care about. I was thanking God for that recently and it got me thinking, there’s so many sacrifices that I had to make to get to that point. I’ll share something with you all.
2024 was a big year. I moved to Austin. As a matter of fact, it’s been pretty big since 2023, I would say. But 2024, if you put it in a time frame, it’s probably the most impactful window I’ve had in my life since 2017. 2017, I finished my MBA, I started preparing to move into tech. I had surgery, traveled the world, started traveling the world consistently. I kind of caught the bug that I have now. So if you see me, you know, around the world, just know it started from that window. The point I’m trying to make is, as 2025 is starting, I have big goals again.
For personal things that I want to achieve, impactful things that I want to do. And I’ll just put transparently and share that with all of you – I’ve been saving. Trying to save hard, trying to save a lot for certain things, right? It’s been hard. I’ve had to look at myself. I remember talking to my closest friends, trying to make decisions like “if I take this much out of my paycheck, would I still be able to survive?” Would I still be able to do all the things that I normally do? Support my friends, this, that, and the third.
And I had to finally just stop myself and have a conversation and say, look, just do it. You’re not going to die. It might be hard, but you’ve done hard things before. And that is something I want to leave you all with as you go into this year.
You are capable of doing the hard things.
You’re capable of not calling that person. You’re capable of eating right. You’re capable of saying good things about yourself, your body, your heart. You’re capable of not being walked over by your family. You’re capable of exploring your dreams. You’re capable of posting that thing that everybody else thinks is cringe. You are capable, and you can do hard things.
So as I’ve started the year challenging myself, pushing myself to try and do these hard things, I feel, even with the knowledge of the things that I’ve done, and the fact that I know I have confidence in the fact that I can do hard things, I still feel the pinch. But every single time I want to doubt myself, I ask myself that question again, how bad do you want it? Do you want to look back at the end of 2025 or in the middle of 2025 and say, yes, I did that thing again? I did, I achieved that. I want you to ask yourself that question and answer honestly.
And in line with that, I’m going to use an analogy before we go into the breakdown of each area that I want to review from 2024. I’m going to give you the analogy of something that is very familiar to all of us. For some of you, you’re reading this blog post on your phone. For some of you, you’re reading it on your laptop, in your bed. If you’re like my best friend, you’re reading this under the covers, in the dark, because she acts like a psychopath sometimes. But you are reading and I appreciate it. So thank you for being here. Hopefully you drop a comment. It’s been a while since people dropped comments.
A lot of people send me DMs or reply me or text me in conversations that they like the blog post. If you’re reading this, actually, and you read diligently but don’t comment, can you please tell me why? Is it that the functionality on mobile doesn’t make it easy to comment? Or is it that you just have to enter your email? Or what is the deterrent? Because I kid you not. A lot of people will text me and be like, “oh my God, I enjoyed reading that. You’re such a great writer.” But I would love to see it on the blog so more people can be motivated to comment. I digress sha.
Soooo you are probably holding your phone or your device, reading this in your bed, on your couch. And very close to you is a pile of laundry that you have not folded. Yes, I’m calling you out. Yes, nobody has come to your house all week or come in your room. So nobody can check you to fold them or put them away. But you know they’re there.
And this is how the analogy goes. And how I want you to think about this. We do laundry because we know that there’s work to be done. The laundry is the cleaning out. It’s the refresh, right? We know we need to do it to stay in the game, to move ahead, and things like that. But then you do the laundry and you put the pile of clothes sitting in the corner, maybe on the side of the bed.
Or you put it on one side, you don’t want to fold it. And when nighttime comes, you shift it to the other side because you need to go to sleep. Yes, I see you.
This is a safe space. And then you need to go out. You have events, you have work.
So you start picking from the clothes, right, from the bed or from the couch or directly from the dryer. You start picking from the clothes. And then about a couple days goes by and all of a sudden the clothes are so little that now you actually have to take them out and sort them and then do laundry again.
For a lot of us, that process is working out. Oh, you work out for a little bit, your body gets right, then you stop because you have a trip coming. So you go on a trip and then you don’t get back in the gym again until the next time a trip is coming.
Your birthday is coming, your wedding or a wedding is coming and you want to look good. So you go back and do what? You start picking from it, you start doing, and you “do laundry again” and do the work again, right? But then what happens when you get into a system where as soon as the dishes are used, I wash them or as soon as the clothes are washed or dried, I fold them. That is the place of mastery you want to get to.
The ability to do the hard things effectively and quickly because you know that you don’t need to wait till there’s another need or opportunity for you to get ready, to be ready. So, no, if you don’t want to wait till you have a big buy to start saving again, what about saving ahead of time? What about diligently putting money in your Roth IRA? What about diligently adding to your 401k? What about diligently adding a little bit to the investment fund that you want to build? We need to do and focus on doing the hard things this year and beyond. So I challenge you and I tell you that you can do hard things as much as it might not seem clear all the time, being able to do hard things leads to joyful things, to easy things.
And with that said, there’s still a lot of knowledge to share with you all. I know I’ve talked for a little bit, but let’s get into reviewing 2024. It was a fantastic year on all fronts.
FAITH
Spiritually, it is amazing how some of the unassuming conversations can provide insight into who you are, where you are and where you’re going.
I had a conversation with a dear friend last week about our faith and somewhat about ensuring that we don’t get comfortable with certain flaws or sins. The person asked me that, were there certain things that I just didn’t think that I needed to work on because I had just accepted them as part of who I am? And for you and I, that could be sexual immorality, that could be anger, that could be depression, that could be self-sabotage, whatever the case may be. Oftentimes, in this new era and age of accepting and loving ourselves for who we are, we almost allow ourselves to just accept anything and that we are not as strong or able to withstand certain things.
I resist that. I think it’s important to give yourself grace for who you are and how you evolve. But I think more than that, it is incredibly important that you do not allow yourself to become okay with not the best version of who you can be.
So 2024, faith-wise, was different. I truly appreciated the opportunity to be alone in my home, to share community and commune with God one-on-one in the privacy of my home without worrying about being too loud or if anybody could see me. But at the same time, I also realized that I didn’t pray in my home altar as much as I would like.
I had initially dedicated an area to be my war room, but I realized that I didn’t pray in there as much. Now, that’s not to say I didn’t pray at all, but I definitely didn’t use that space as much as I would have liked to. Faith was also weird in general all year. I went to church less while I tried to find a new church in Austin. I found one and then I also was trying to be balanced in my approach to selecting a home church, not just one where I had friends or one where I knew people or one where I could go in and join the choir. I wanted somewhere that I truly felt a pull and also a calling to be in.
And after 30 plus years of being a pastor’s kid, I genuinely felt fatigued and I just wanted to just be in God’s presence, show up, praise him, worship, try to live right, but not over commit to anything. And that is one of the things that I want to speak on while I work on this review. It is very, very easy to get comfortable not working particular muscles.
So when it comes to service, when it comes to fellowship, I definitely feel like I lost an edge on the momentum I had from 2023 because I wasn’t in the space as much. I wasn’t obsessively in service to God. So it is something I want to encourage you this year, join that Bible study group, read that chapter of your Bible, even if you’re not consistent, even if you dropped on your Bible plan streak, like I continue to do, just add a little bit extra because it definitely will serve you in the long run more than you would recognize in the now.
That being said, God showed up in immense ways. I felt like I was able to be more honest with God. In some cases, I questioned God.
I have been battling with something medically for a few years and there are certain times where I just sit there and I’m just like, God, why? And finding comfort in the fact that he’s a repeater of miracles has been something that has kept me going and I definitely feel like will continue to push me further. So this year, I definitely want to get back into the full swing of things, make myself more vulnerable to the journey of faith, the depths of where it can take you to and the highs that it can exalt you to. I want to feel like I have a direct line to God about everything.
I saw a meme recently that said, make it a habit to consult God, even before the smallest decisions. And I want to get to that place in my life. I know it’s not just by saying it, I know it’s by action, it’s by actively committing to it.
So that is where I want to see myself more in 2025, in that community with God.
2024 Expected Score: A 2024 Final Score: C- 2025 Expected Score: B
FITNESS
I really enjoyed fitness in 2024, similar to 2023.
And I believe this is epitomized by an exchange that I had with someone random earlier in 2025. It was a random Sunday, I was walking through the farmer’s market when I observed this woman that I have seen at my gym pretty frequently. We’ve never spoken to each other.
Matter of fact, I think I noticed that she noticed me and she probably noticed that I noticed her, but we just never had a reason to speak. And I was doing my local weekly shopping when she noticed me and I noticed her. We walked over and chatted real quick.
And she was like, “hi, gym friend”. And she proceeded to chat with me for a bit. Halfway through the conversation, she mentioned, she was like, “oh, you always look like you know what you’re doing at the gym”.
And in that line lies what I believe to be my progress in 2024 when it comes to fitness. And the testament is not highlighted by the random weekend where I thought I had put on 15 pounds because I was using a cheap scale. It was encapsulated by the fact that I do feel like I’m making progress around the gym.
I do feel like I know my way around. I do feel like you know, when I go into a week, I know how to take care of my body and how to, manage my workouts to get the best out of myself. And not just out of fitness.
I think that with it connected to the understanding of fitness and health and wellness, I’ve been able to understand that more. Now, I feel like I would also have a lot more runway if my health, particularly my insides and my knee, didn’t bother me as much. But I do find myself able to push myself more.
I’ve been able to understand what growing my muscles look like. I’ve been able to understand how joy factors in to my progress. So yeah, it’s been a great year so far.
But I’m looking forward to more in this coming year. And I’ve said it to myself that 2025 genuinely is the year that I fully, fully change my body. Not just for a period of time, not just for a few weeks on end. This is the year that everybody sees the behind the scenes progress and work that has been going into who I am and how I show up.
2024 Expected Score: A++ 2024 Final Score: B- 2025 Expected Score: A
CREATIVITY
It’s very weird to say this because when you look at my total follower count on Instagram and on TikTok, you’ll probably be able to point to the fact that I now have many thousands of followers. But I truly believe that my creativity might have suffered in 2024.
I think a combination of settling into a new city, finding my footing, sometimes just being alone with myself. I don’t think I expressed myself as much as I would have liked to through my writing. And by the grace of God, there was another edition of Ijinle in Dallas in late 2024.
I look forward to more in 2025. But when it comes to writing or creating, I just certainly don’t feel like I did as much as I would have liked to. And sometimes that’s okay.
Sometimes that’s okay to have a year off or a few months off, whatever the case might be. I will say though, that I was very glad to have unlocked different tools to aid my creativity. For example, I use TurboScribe AI to transcribe my voice memos of ideas that I’ve written down.
I also use Podcastle AI to edit the sound and videos to make them more crisp in videos. So yeah, there are a few things and mediums that I’ve pleasantly unlocked and hopefully can work on more in 2025. One thing I’m determined to do more of is posting the content that’s already in my phone this year.
I think a lot of times I hoard things. So as you’ve seen with the start of the year with my trip to Belize, I am doing less of the hoarding and more of the pushing out content, even if it’s not perfect, so I can do what I will do. So more to come in 2025.
I hope you and yours stay close enough to witness it all, but very excited for what the year holds and what creativity I will be able to share with you all in the world today.
2024 Expected Score: B+ 2024 Final Score: D 2025 Expected Score: B
FINANCES
No Billionaire Status, But We Move
2024 was a different kind of expensive year, not in the sense of wasted money or big things, although buying a new car and moving halfway across the country is certainly not light work.
But I will say it was a good year all around. I think that I was able to sensibly manage a lot of things and manage a lot of things within my finances. And I’ll tell you this.
One of the ways that I realized that I had a great 2024 when it came to finances was how I was able to enter into 2025. So I had more aggressive saving goals.
As of today I am 65% towards my target goal for the year, which tells you a lot about how I was able to enter into this year. So I came into this year with the luxury of being able to be more aggressive around my saving, around my finances and things like that. And it’s been very refreshing to experience, you know, not coming into a year with chaos and nerves and concern.
There are some areas of improvement. I will definitely admit, I think there were certain pockets where I probably should have done things a little bit different to arrive at different outcomes. For example, you know, using a particular card over another to get better rewards and things like that.
I’m getting more in tune with that. Also investing more in the sort of areas that would help grow my finances. So, you know, my wealth savings, my high yield savings accounts, my Roth IRA, knowing my investment portions for my 401k and things like that.
I want to be able to give my wife and kids, the financial footing that they deserve. So, yeah, I think I’m very grateful for how I came into 2025.
And I’m very excited about where things are going to go in the future because I feel very good about the state of things. I do not feel obligated. Oh, another thing I will say when it comes to finances is historically, I always felt like I needed to do more.
Like I needed to spend more. I needed to use that as a way not necessarily as a way to show my love, but more so I felt because I had it, I needed to like use it to care for the people I cared about. And I think that is a trap that a lot of us can fall into because, you know, it’s important to be balanced in your approach when it comes to that.
But two, reciprocity is also a really big thing. You are not going to always have what you have if you keep spending it all the time on everyone. And that does not mean that I don’t think that you should be, you know, that doesn’t mean I don’t think you should care about your people, if that makes sense.
But I don’t think that we should, just keep spending on everyone, like people coming to you, always asking you for stuff, like that does not mean that you shouldn’t give and doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t care. But at the same time, we need to be balanced in our approach and making sure that you always have your future, you always have your present self and your future self accounted for and taken care of. So in 2025, I look forward to saving more, planning better with my travel so I can spend less on travel, and making time to show love and support to the people that I care about.
2024 Expected Score: B+ 2024 Final Score: B+ 2025 Expected Score: A
Relationships.
I’m starting to think romantic relationships are not something for me. By the number of people that have questioned my sexuality or the difficulty in finding people that will love you the way you want to be loved, I’m starting to think that romantic relationships are not for me. LOL nah I’m joking. See how that got your eyes all big and concerned? Gbeborun. Relationships were interesting in 2024, for various reasons. I think moving to a new city, forced me to have more intentional behaviors around keeping in touch, whether that was like sending a picture to my friends when I see something funny or responding to memes or Facetiming randomly, or even leaving messages now. I actually leave messages now.
Considering that I live far away, further away, I don’t see my friends as often. I was able to still stay connected to a lot of people. 2024 was also a great year because I got to see some friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time or meet people that I never thought that I would meet.
So I really enjoyed that perspective. But then it also brought some deep self-reflection, understanding the depths of my mistrust of people, my emotional fatigue in terms of feeling like I give more in relationships than other people. It helped me, living by myself and away from my tribe, if you call it that, helped me understand more closely what my everyday would look like as a single or married man.
And one thing that it challenged me to do was evaluate each relationship more closely. A big thing I really thank God for when it comes to relationships in 2024 is courage. The courage to say how I feel, the courage to act on how I feel, the courage to hold the line and hold people accountable.
I found that previously I would just be quiet because I felt like it was the right thing to do and because I didn’t want to appear to be too much. But in reality, I find that I give so much of myself to people romantically or platonically, and I don’t always feel like I get that back in return. Now, platonically, one area that I definitely allow things on is I never feel like the checks for a platonic relationship are to be cashed immediately.
In many cases, if you’re going to spend years being friends with someone, odds are the scale is not always going to be balanced. There are periods in my life so far where I have been less of the best friend, and there have also been periods in my life where I feel like I’ve given more. In platonic relationships, what you just want is when it’s all said and done, when it’s all evaluated and the sum of it is being considered, you feel like you and the person have given enough of yourself.
You hope that you and your friend have given enough of yourselves to each other in ways that you both recognize and value. But in romantic relationships, I’ve come to realize that what you don’t speak on, you tolerate. What you’re silent about, you accept.
In many cases, that just builds resentment because you get frustrated, and this other person is just living their good ol’ life, not knowing that something is missing. I find that I’m afraid of speaking on my demands in terms of romantic relationships because I never want to seem too much, but I also never want to seem disappointed. This is where I really want to thank my friends around the world.
Some of them I will name drop here, but Itafe, Ninz, Peju, Nnena, Dayo. I’m really thankful for the people that remind me of who I am, sometimes even in just passing conversations. But I also thank them for the direct reminders that, no, this is who you are, this is what you should expect, this is the line you should hold for you and for your joy.
So in 2024, we put a little bit of effort into trying to understand who we were when it comes to relationships. But at the same time, I want to be better in 2025. I want to be more patient. I want to be more expressive. One area that I find that I’m continuing to struggle with in general is just answering questions. I think because I am a chronic mind my business type of person, I always find it amusing and sometimes intrusive when people just ask me random things about my life.
I’m always like, look, I let you guys have your life. I don’t ask you questions. Why are you bothering me about mine? But I’ve now come to find that I should just allow myself to be more open in that what is the worst that could happen.
I know that my upbringing also plays a factor because I grew up with a mom and dad who believe that your family are best friends and it’s important to keep your family matters and yourself private as much as you can because the world truly does not really care about you like that. But my demands, my expectations are higher in 2025. I truthfully wanted to start the year in isolation from every relationship and every friendship.
But the truth is, no one is an island. That’s for starters. And two, no one is an island.
Two, we all need people. But three, it is important that you envision the life that you want for yourself, work hard towards it. But at the same time, do not drop your standards because of loneliness.
Nnenna called it out this year and said, I don’t like being alone. And the truth is, I like having people around me, but it cannot be at the expense of my current happiness or my future happiness. One area in relationships that I need to do much, much better is telling myself the honest truth and accepting it early. Sometimes I tell myself the truth but I lie into denying myself from accepting the truth.
The hope is what has killed me in so many situations because I keep thinking things would get better. I keep thinking that people will change. I keep thinking that people will try to love like I do.
But the truth of the matter is, not everyone is you. And for better or worse, you need situations and to be with people that are as motivated and as committed to your happiness as you are. No one will ever embody all of what you want for your happiness better than you.
You are the best person to be the driver for your own truth and your own happiness long-term. But at the same time, it is best and life is so much easier when you are driving down this highway of life with someone who understands you, understands the pace, understands the direction you’re going in, and is committed to the journey as much as you are. Another thing that I’ve learned when it comes to relationships through 2024 is that you make sure you are bound and bound with people based on the shared values that you have.
In this instance, shared values around work, around hard work, around commitments, around family. It is important that you align yourself with someone who sees those same pictures and wants those same things as you. Because if that person is committed to self-growth and self-awareness and improvement as you are, the hope is that they are challenging themselves in ways that you are as well.
For example, I just spoke about how I would like to be more measured in my reactions to things, my temper about things, being less upset about things. Imagine being with someone who just thinks that they just have to show up, and they don’t have to do any work. That does not present a joyful pairing, if anything, is going to lead to resentment.
Because ultimately what happens is if you stop improving, you start regressing when it comes to relationships and when it comes to self-improvement. So it is important that you are with someone who is as bought in to that vision as you and able to continue working at those things like you are. Because what ultimately happens is you want to be able to look to your left, to your right, and see them close enough with you on that journey versus you being so far ahead or so far gone on certain things, and they’re so far away from you.
Relationship-wise, 2024 was challenging. I definitely had many tearful nights. I definitely had to cut things off or cut people off. I definitely had to have very honest conversations with myself. I went to God many times in tears. But like I said last year that I wanted to be more honest with myself and I want to do life with people who truly do it.
I want more of that in 2025. I don’t want people who see me as someone just to make the life they want easier. I want to be with someone who is biased towards action, not ideation.
I want people who come into your life and see and try to find pockets where there can be value adds versus, oh, wow, you have done so much work to better and improve your life – let me just pair myself with you and enjoy from that. And that’s not always an intentional thought.
That’s not always a selfish thought. But naturally, it comes from self-preservation. We want to preserve ourselves and our happiness that we come into situations with people and we look at the landscape and say to ourselves, wow, this is so nice.
Oftentimes when people go into a “this is so nice space”, there’s never a challenge or a need to make that space better. The best example I can give you is going on a hike and ending up at a great viewpoint, let’s say a little meadow. You see the flowers, everything looks perfect.
No one in that moment ever after enjoying the view, right, and appreciating the view, no one says, “hmm, how do I make sure that this landscape stays like this?” Or “how do I make sure that the trash gets picked up? Or how do I help out?” That is human nature. We’re so focused on enjoying what we’ve been able to observe that we don’t always come in with the intention of aggressively improving something. And I think that finding someone who loves you and is as committed to you is the type of person that comes into that space and makes you feel better about life.
In 2025, I pray friends that are transparent. I pray people who don’t have to communicate through passive aggression or tantrums or being moody. I pray people who are actionable in their love and not waiting for the right moment or for the right thing to be.
I pray people who are quick to apologize for their wrongdoings. I pray people who understand that life and love require intentional and hard work. Yeah, and I pray a lot of laughter because I deserve it all.
2024 Expected Score: B+ 2024 Final Score: D 2025 Expected Score: B+
I’m super excited for 2025 – it’s already started off pretty well. Hard decisions have been made but I think I am working on the right path towards the full life that I want. There are still tougher conversations I need to have – with myself and others but for now, we are okay.
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Confusion, pain, a bit of sadness and there I stood just wondering “how did we get here?”
It felt inevitable but at the same time I didn’t expect this day to come so soon. I could feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. I really wanted answers so I looked even closer, staring at myself in the mirror.
Had it to come to this?
All alone in that room, I dug deeper, tilting my head to the right I bent, trying to find a sign that I was wrong, but I wasn’t. despite years of putting it off, it was time.
I officially discovered my first gray hair 11 days before my 34th birthday.
So with that hair 34 random things about me enjoy on the very first Sanmi Saturdays of 2025. Come back next Wednesday for my annual review of 2024. where I breakdown how my life was in key areas, professionally spiritually financially, emotionally and more.
But for now, happy birthday to me and here is my gift to all of the people that read and support my content. Enjoy and please leave me a comment if you like this. Talk soon.
I love Arlette’s Pop the Ballon or Find Love Show. Yes, I said it! I truly think it is one of the best social experiments out there just observing how people interact and choose partners. If you are already in a safe and loving relationship, hold your person o. Nothing day streets and everyone is mad. I mean someone popped one time because the person wore a color that their ex liked and that was their reason. I swear, just work it out. Lol.
I love a quiet evening indoors – a nice flavored gummy and watching a documentary.
I love helping the people I care about, either to think through things or just sorting through ideas.
I STILL struggle to talk about myself – sometimes I feel like it’s helpful, other times I feel like it just reawakens the things that stress you out and I feel strongly that not enough people truly care deeply enough to help change your life.
If I am not flying business class or first, I need to be sitting in a C seat on a flight, so I can extend my leg j to the aisle during the flight. Although sometimes the drink carts run into my elbows while I am dead asleep on an flight.
The artists I’m currently obsessed with are Llona, Timmie, Syntax – The Creator, Serotonin and you know my gospel playlist has all my faves.
I think dinner and a movie is a stupid plan. I end up sleepy. Well I fall asleep at the movies anyway BUT we should watch the movie and then talk over dinner. That’s a more sensible plan to me.
Some people, friends and partners like to call me a “teddy bear” and I actually really hate that nickname. It makes me feel like I must be fat or too fluffy and I hate it but people do it so freely.
A few years ago, I randomly started being really afraid of forgetting a metal item in the microwave and turning it on. It really scares me and makes me nervous about using the microwave but I keep praying that nothing ever happens.
The most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done – I was in a long distance relationship and we were missing each other, we happened to be on Facetime and I said, “do you want to come and visit tomorrow through the weekend?”. She lived in another state at the time. Less than 24hrs later, we were watching a movie and cuddling in bed.
Sink or Swim by Jacob Banks would probably be my life soundtrack. You have a choice when you are thrown in to sink or swim towards the greatness that lives within you.
I think people misunderstand my approach to realism on certain issues. I don’t like lying to myself, I do it but I don’t like it and because of that, on some issues I just tell it like it is and sometimes people feel I’m being detached but it’s the truth. Now understand this, you can tell the truth and such without being a jerk or whatever but try to live your truth fully.
A whiskey sour is probably the drink that describes me best – it’s sweet enough, tangy and tart plus it can take it there if you need it to and you know I’m about that life.
One random day a few years ago, I wanted to order dominos and the offered me a deal, a free pizza with my food – I wanted the pasta bread bowl (look it up) and I also had to get the wings. BUT I didn’t want to eat wings alone, so I had to drink garri. Ultimately, it ended up being garri + wings, the pasta bread bowl and I had the pizza which I dipped in Strawberry yogurt because I don’t like ranch like that. So yeah, that happened and do not judge me. Yes, I have ordered that same combo a few more times since then.
The visually most beautiful place I have ever visited has to be Cape Town or maybe the Sahara Desert but it was so hot, I am not sure I am going back anytime soon. The Grand Canyon definitely gets a good shout as well.
I could literally eat spaghetti with my sauce and peppered turkey every single day and never get tired of it.
I turn almost anything into a song. Is it annoying sometimes? Yes. Will I stop? Nope!
Getting my MBA when I did changed my life. I remember at the time I was dating someone and she told me that I shouldn’t go back to school at that time. That it would be wrong to get my MBA then, I did it anyway. My life has never been the same. follow your heart.
The best professional advice I ever received was “make sure you are running towards something and not away from something”. Unless they are abusing you at your current job, make sure you are running to a challenge that improves you and not because you think the grass is greener elsewhere.
You would almost always catch me wearing a beanie. I just love them and how they can upgrade an outfit or something super casual plus they keep my head warm.
Arguably the best meal I have ever had was Cinnamon Indian Tapas Bar in Portugal. The food was amazing and I think just having Indian Food in the randomest place and it banging was everything that I needed and more.
I believe that a lot of people hide behind the word “feelings”. The moment people drop that, they expect that all accountability will be avoided and I cannot stand it.
Once I put on a coat, I feel unstoppable! Like I am a hedge fund owner that flies private between New York and Basel. So classy.
The most expensive (or ridiculous) thing I’ve ever bought – my bachelors degree. Fuck you, US Education system that saddles its citizens with debt to even make something of yourself.
If I had to wear only one color for the rest of my life it would be black but I bet you already knew that.
I don’t have a favorite movie anymore – it used to be the usual suspects but apparently Kevin Spacey is a weirdo, so I don’t like it anymore but it was such good movie.
Honestly, I can’t think of one right now but the one for 2024 and beyond – Not Like Us. I CANNOT wait to watch Kendrick at the Super Bowl in a few weeks. Sorryyyy not sorry Drake fans.
As much as I like Indomie, I don’t think I am good at making it. Well as good as I am making other things. And it’s annoying because I want to be good at it!
I almost always shop on sale and I like to shop during the off seasons of the outfits I want. I have enough clothes, I don’t need to be splurging on new fits. I would rather be in a different country wearing “old” clothes than having new clothes and being stuck at home.
The most ridiculous argument you’ve ever had – I had a woman once try to blame me for being with someone she knew (they are not friends) before her. I was just in awe because what???
My passport stays ready – If there’s a chance to travel, I’m in. Whether it’s a quick weekend in Chicago or a dream trip abroad, I’m always planning my next adventure.
A quote or mantra that keeps me going – “there is no fatigue felt on the day of victory.”
If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Dear Bobo,
Breathe. Slow down and trust yourself more. You don’t have to have everything figured out right away—life will unfold in ways you can’t yet imagine. You’ll question your worth, path, and purpose, but hear this: you are more than enough. The setbacks? They’re just setups for something greater. The heartbreaks? They’ll teach you what real love should feel like. The doubts? They’ll make your victories even sweeter. Stay true to yourself. Protect your peace. Walk away from anything that makes you beg for the bare minimum. And most importantly, never dim your light to make others comfortable—your shine is meant to be seen.
