I am always interrogating myself.
Not in the “sitting in a holding area” type of way but I frequently find myself asking and trying to understand the “why” behind my thoughts and actions.

My office/team has started a slow reintegration back into the office. We are not encouraged to come in once a week – Tuesdays.
I know, I know. Boooo 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
Honestly, it hasn’t been the worst thing ever, even though I will say I still prefer working from home.
This morning, I was folding my laundry in the laundry room and I realized that I haven’t booked my rental car for my drive into the office.
I am heading into the head office tomorrow and it’s approximately an hour’s drive.
My car has been giving signals of having an issue, so I typically try not to drive it for further trips.

My roommate and guy best friend on the other hand just bought a brand new very sexy whip.
Status car.
My brain briefly went “why don’t you just ask him to borrow you his car?” – before his new buy, he had a more rundown version.
The Nigerian in him used the last money in that car. He would sometimes borrow my car to run quick errands, so asking to borrow his car shouldn’t be weird right?
The next thought in my head was now the one that I interrogated, it went like this…
“For as close as we are (13years of friendship) and the fact that he’s used mine before, he should let me use his car and if he doesn’t, then hmmm. Maybe we are not best friends like that”
Yup.
That was the thought.
But here’s the thing, thoughts like that are not uncommon. As a matter of fact, they show you are human.
And they also lend to the biblical idea that the heart of man is desperately wicked. Despite how well-intentioned it might be on the surface.

I quickly dispelled the thought but it reminded me of why I always ask the why of people when they ask certain things.
Mostly my lady best friend tbh.
Questions like – “do you think we are still best friends or do you feel like you respect me?”
I ask the “why” because many times, those questions are not rooted in curiosity but in fear/unhappiness/insecurity.
My mind asked the question about the car in a way to almost test the strength of my relationship with my best friend and that shouldn’t be the case.
I know my position in his life, so why did I almost way to put him to a test that my mind secretly hoped he would fail?
This is why I encourage you and I to always ask the “why” within the things/questions we ask.

For me, it’s a chance to discuss the motivations and intentions behind what my mind/heart is questioning.
Sometimes, the thoughts are unhealthy and unhelpful.
It always you to objectively discuss with yourself before advancing.
Truth be told, he may not feel comfortable letting me use the car. Don’t get me wrong, I am a great driver but the car is expensive.
If you sef drop 6bands on a car, you’d feel hesitant to let anyone outside yourself drive the car like that.
I know I may feel uncomfortable as well driving the car because of the pressure, so odds are, I would actually rent one for myself to ease my stress.
But yes, stop trying to test your relationships with the hope that they fail. If they are real and genuine relationships, chances are that life will give you checkpoints to evaluate the strength of the relationships anyway.
And my bet is that in the most organic ways, you will pass.
But also if and when they “fail/falter” it won’t be because you used your hands to influence the demise of something you so carefully built.

Anyways, time to head to the gym. It’s 9:15am and I am running “late”.
Another reason I like working from home. How many times will you get the chance to actually be entering the gym at past 9am?
We move sha.

I hope this week, you are having reasons to smile and feel loved.
Don’t use your own hands to ruin the things you love. The world is already built to do that for you anyways.
Keep growing and shining – till next time.
Stay up!

Update: he let me use his car and I was terrified the whole time I drove it. For starters, it’s a German machine! And it cost a lot of money but also because I was traveling on a less traveled route. Anyway, it was a day.
And thankfully, my mind lost this battle.

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.
Thanks!

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan

There were days I would stay up late building castles with you
Home of gold with you
Rooms filled with play and tickle
Filled with love, lust, and passion
I would fight sleep to sit with you
Then give in to my dreams because I would get to be with you
Now I can’t sleep
My heart pinches with pain
And it’s all because of you

Life is fast but progress can be slow. Do what you can now, move the needle now

The other day I was thinking about how I started my weightloss journey in the middle of March. I was sooo annoyed that I didn’t feel like I was seeing significant progress till like July and then suddenly, it was as if I was just peeing all the fat away.
Then my mind got used to expecting that type of speedy impact. But that’s not real life.
The reality is that life is sooo fast. So much is happening daily and at an incredible rate but the goal should be what you can now and keep going, your impact will eventually snowball down the road. Sometimes it takes meeting the right energy/person/situation to realize great impact but don’t use the fact that life is moving fast, to not move.
For example, fitness folks will tell you that doing a daily work of 15 minutes will have a lasting impact than doing a 1hr workout once a month. Just move the needle today, however small. Your whole being will be grateful for it.

3 ways to get and maintain internal and external happiness

Relationships are everything

you usually get your first job because you know someone. Be that bonding agent for the next person. Pour into your relationships, friendships and more. I am realizing as I get older that more than what you have saved or not saved, I am happy about the human beings I call home in my life. They are all invaluable currency to me. Cherish that. Some people spend their whole lives looking for meaningful connections. If you have them, appreciate them. This is your cue to text or call that person you have been meaning to call. Life is also too damn short. Do it!
NOW.

Keep learning and figuring out new ways to learn

Pause.
What have you learned recently? What new thing have you picked up or learned that has improved you?It is not a major prerequisite to life but a sure way to stay happy/encouraged/motivated and growing is by continuing to learn every day.
Someone recently told me about how I know a “little about many things” and I laughed.
I certainly picked that up from my father. He knows a lot about a lot of different things.
But I love learning new things – it’s why I love history, discovery and animal channels. I am always trying to absorb new things about the world I live in and my place in it. Find something new to learn today. Preferably not work-related and let me know in the comments what it is.

Be a problem solver and innovator – use your privilege.

It is very likely that you hold some privilege, whatever marginalized group you are a part of.
Understand what that privilege is and how you can take that into the world to make it better.
For example, I am a black man in America. They are literally trying to kill us every day.
But I am also a black educated man in tech in America with some resources, so I am using that to try and better the lives of kids in Nigeria and other parts of the world.
It may not be a lot but to those 100+ kids and families, it is much. Find your privilege and make it the gift you give others. PS: if you will like to be part of the @TheRantsShow’s Annual Giveback happening in Nigeria every December, leave me a comment or message me. Fundraising will start very shortly!

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.
Thanks!

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan

“Gas going up on a Wednesday!”

“How does that affect me?”
I said as I stood in my kitchen looking at my phone. My friend on FaceTime was trying to explain to me how the price of gas could be making things difficult for people around the US and the energy crisis in the UK affecting my friends and family.
I can’t relate.
Yes, I know things have gotten more expensive and much is tighter for folks but I truly can’t always relate.
I had to check my privilege.

I know this first hand because about a decade ago or maybe even half a decade ago, I was buying gas on credit and anticipating overdraft fees.
Now, I pull into the gas station without caring about how much it costs.
Not that I still won’t try to buy it where cheaper but the reality for me is that if it is $5.49/gal or $5.99/gal, I will still buy it because I can afford it and it does not make that much of a dent in my pocket.
Truth is, a lot of people care about how much it costs and it does affect more people than it does me.

I appreciated the conversation with my friend because while I believe myself to be self-aware, I still recognize that blind spots are everywhere.
So stay active in checking your privilege and how you move through spaces.
It’s a never-ending part of life and growth.

Pressure is a privilege and a gift

Have you ever been in a place/space where expectations of you were dead on arrival? Like people just did not expect you to amount to anything or be able to do something? Minds already made up for you about things and your capabilities. I recently got to listen to the legendary Billie Jean King and in her talk, there were a few things that jumped out to me.
One was the concept that pressure is a privilege and a gift.
Think of it like this, imagine being on a sports team (maybe the one you were on in high school) that was so bad you lost every game.
Then you face the biggest and best team in the country – all the reports are about how much they will beat you.
On both sides, you can factor in how pressure might be a privilege and a gift – on the side of the “bad team”, no one expects anything of them and that can be a gift because they can go in and enjoy themselves. On the side of the better team, the pressure to win and win convincingly is a privilege.

I don’t want to live a life where no one expects greatness from me.
I demand it.
I like that with the skills I have in life, people expect something from me. 
Now we should all be cautious to ensure that the pressure does not overwhelm or drown us, but the pressure is welcome and should be used as fuel for greater things.

What area of your life are you grateful that people expect a lot of you?

About the Wordsmith

Apologies for missing the post last week – I am learning to prioritize myself a bit more as I shared a few weeks ago.
Last Wednesday I was watching my fave Jacob Banks in San Francisco and boy did we have a night! One day, I’ll gist you all.
But yeah, I was at the concert thinking, I could just pull up the WordPress app and post while standing front row, and then I decided not to.
I know some of you look forward to reading this every week and I apologize but your boy had a great time sha.
And I hope you enjoyed reading this week’s post.
Also, I am making my full foray into completely going bald – I groomed myself and shaved all my hair last week.
I loved it.
Just soft launching my 2023 and beyond look, so get ready for it.

For those wondering, I am doing well. I feel lighter than I have for most of the year but I am still working through things.
We will all figure it out together, so thank you for being here always and for your comments and sharing.
Till next time, we gather dey!

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.
Thanks!

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan

As you get older, what do you really want?
Over the past few months, I have been reviewing certain situations in my life and how they have been shaped.
My weekends for example are on two completely different extremes – I am either in another state or even country or I am laid up in bed watching Oga Sabinus videos with no plan at all.

I like the quiet, and the occasional dash to another city or country.
I like the feeling of warmth I get from directly interacting with my friends and loved ones. There was a time when I wanted to be liked by many. Now I crave being respected by those that matter and those I make room for in my heart.
Lately, I have been thinking about what I want now as an older man than when I was younger.
Some I would expand on, others I would just state the headline

Intentionality

I think I have written here many times that the word that truly drives me is impact. I live for impact.
I want to be impactful in all the spaces and areas of my life.
But how does that translate into my relationships?
When I was younger, I just wanted someone to listen when I spoke or when I shared. Now I want someone that listens and acts.
There has to be an intentional element of every aspect of relationships.
I have come to realize that it is not enough to just exist in our dynamics, we have to act.

There might have been a time where I just wanted a partner I could vent to. Now, I believe I want one that can act on my frustrations if needed and hold me accountable where appropriate.

Loyalty – with respect and reevaluation

Gone are the days of us staying friends because we used to go to Nigerian Student Association parties.
There requires more than that to loyalty – its the consistent trust, leaving space for growth, mistakes and all-round support of each other.
Not present? Biko shift.

Honesty and Practicality

I think it’s only right that as we grow and evolve, people are appreciate the value of honesty and communication between friends and family. Lately, I had an unexpected conversation about how I felt regarding a situation where someone hurt me. People have been calling for me to forgive and let it go but I never felt I had anything to let go of.
The conversation sparked more for me though – we spend so much energy trying to get the hurt/maligned/abused to let go of their pain.
Granted we all fall short but shouldn’t the feelings of the person hurt be protected?

I’ll use an analogy – imagine you go out of town for the weekend and you let your friend stay at your place.
You come back and find out they stole from you. Do you ever let them back in?
Oftentimes, someone hurts and steals from us but our closest friends simply ask us to leave the locks unchanged and let them back in.
No thanks.
I’m setting an alarm and a Ring system. Want to get close to me or mine again, text abeg.

Random Musings
Importance of Self Care

Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent a bit of time at the hospital. Routine checks but also following up on some concerns I had.
In that time, I realized that the value of sleep and rest should not be understated.
Many of us grind and work sooo hard for many months out of the year and sometimes look out for the big vacations we take once a year.
I don’t find that sustainable. We don’t sleep enough. I don’t sleep enough.
I am at the age now where I worry quite a bit about a few different things.
So where is the self-care?
It’s not only in the boba tea you get yourself every other week. Sorry Matcha gang!
It’s about listening to your body, and your heart, pouring into your cup in the ways you know that speak to you.
Getting enough sleep, putting sunscreen on your neck, ignoring negativity + gossip, drinking water and minding your business.
That and more is putting yourself in care.

Your Friends are Your Friends, their Friends are NOT your Friends

I love to watch how people act when relationships end. The split is actually interestingly comical. Everyone needs to go through it at least once, so you know how it goes.
Some people adore you when you are with their friends. Maybe by extension or because they really respect who you are.
But when the relationship or friendship ends, even in the most amicable ways, everyone picks sides.
And I find that fascinating because more parties are biased and they usually cap for their friends.
But if you loved your friend, you would tell them the truth.
Like if he took his eyes off the prize, tell him. Not just stop talking to her.
Sister, what if your friend was the reason the relationship ended? But now you subbing him instead of helping your own friend grow and be better?
It’s always hilarious to observe but such is life. Everybody ehn? Do better. Tainz!

Grow Up

If your default is confrontation with people all the time or feeling like you need to start shit to show how nonchalant you are, you are the one who actually needs a hug – it’s giving damaged and hurt on the inside. Do better.
Nuff said.

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.
Thanks!

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

WordsOfWednesday

© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan