These are some of my oldest friends, and I am grateful for their lives and their place in mine. 🌹


My journal has a weekly review section that I enjoy so much.
The daily entries are pretty standard which is fine but the weekly entries ask you questions that truly stimulate your mind and give you the chance to free-write.
As a writer like myself, you can imagine lovesss this section.
This week, one of the questions asked something like “Think of the 5 closest people to you 10 years ago, where are they now and blah blah blah”
The questions struck me as I began thinking about my friends from 2012.
First of all, as I write this, I actually realize that I graduated from my undergraduate program 10 years ago this year.
How time flies?!#$%

Back to the friends, I realized that while some of us are still in each others lives, others have moved into different realms and relationships.
It didn’t bring me sadness but instead a realization that life happens.
Time changes things and that is okay.
For example, some people have gotten married, had babies.
Some, we stopped f**king, loving or dating.
And that’s totally normal.

The lesson I took from that was simple: invest your best in the people in your life right now.
They may only be there for a season but they are there right now.
Appreciate them, appreciate that.
But also know that things change. Time changes things.
Growth changes things. Egos change things.
And sometimes, you change.

Consistency is Key

This week, I took a gamble on myself.
I have been wanting to post short clips of things that I normally write on TikTok and Instagram.
For months now, I have been sitting on the idea.
This week, I took a chance and recorded them.
I edited the first one while in church on Sunday – bros J, abeg forgive me.
And then as I was sitting there, I posted it.

I wanted to flag that piece because right before I posted it, I second guessed it one more time.
“What if it flops?”
“What if people hate it?”
“What if I just look weird sitting there?”
Our self doubt always finds a way of starring in our movie. The goal is to ensure it remains only a bit part character.
I am enjoying the consistency of making and posting the videos.
So far, I am working out M-F and posting M-F too.
I’m proud of myself and I hope you take a gamble on yourself too.

Do you speak kindly to yourself?

“Phenomenal, magical, unintentionally humble – inspiring”
Those are just some of the words I used to describe someone. But I realized that I do not call myself any of those words, at least not often.
Why is that?
Why is it so easy to call myself a “dumbass” when I mess up?
Than it is for me to call myself “magical”
I can’t tell you that I know exactly why.
All I know is that I hope that we all work to be kind to ourselves.
You are magnificent, powerful, magical, beautiful, intelligent and so much more.
Say it.
Yes, SAY IT.
To yourself now and every single day.
Who better to tell it true, than the person that runs the show?

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan


The Conversations of One

I am always interrogating myself.
Not in the “sitting in a holding area” type of way but I frequently find myself asking and trying to understand the “why” behind my thoughts and actions.

My office/team has started a slow reintegration back into the office. We are not encouraged to come in once a week – Tuesdays.
I know, I know. Boooo 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅
Honestly, it hasn’t been the worst thing ever, even though I will say I still prefer working from home.
This morning, I was folding my laundry in the laundry room and I realized that I haven’t booked my rental car for my drive into the office.
I am heading into the head office tomorrow and it’s approximately an hour’s drive.
My car has been giving signals of having an issue, so I typically try not to drive it for further trips.

My roommate and guy best friend on the other hand just bought a brand new very sexy whip.
Status car.
My brain briefly went “why don’t you just ask him to borrow you his car?” – before his new buy, he had a more rundown version.
The Nigerian in him used the last money in that car. He would sometimes borrow my car to run quick errands, so asking to borrow his car shouldn’t be weird right?
The next thought in my head was now the one that I interrogated, it went like this…
“For as close as we are (13years of friendship) and the fact that he’s used mine before, he should let me use his car and if he doesn’t, then hmmm. Maybe we are not best friends like that”
That was the thought.
But here’s the thing, thoughts like that are not uncommon. As a matter of fact, they show you are human.
And they also lend to the biblical idea that the heart of man is desperately wicked. Despite how well-intentioned it might be on the surface.

I quickly dispelled the thought but it reminded me of why I always ask the why of people when they ask certain things.
Mostly my lady best friend tbh.
Questions like – “do you think we are still best friends or do you feel like you respect me?”
I ask the “why” because many times, those questions are not rooted in curiosity but in fear/unhappiness/insecurity.
My mind asked the question about the car in a way to almost test the strength of my relationship with my best friend and that shouldn’t be the case.
I know my position in his life, so why did I almost way to put him to a test that my mind secretly hoped he would fail?
This is why I encourage you and I to always ask the “why” within the things/questions we ask.

For me, it’s a chance to discuss the motivations and intentions behind what my mind/heart is questioning.
Sometimes, the thoughts are unhealthy and unhelpful.
It always you to objectively discuss with yourself before advancing.
Truth be told, he may not feel comfortable letting me use the car. Don’t get me wrong, I am a great driver but the car is expensive.
If you sef drop 6bands on a car, you’d feel hesitant to let anyone outside yourself drive the car like that.
I know I may feel uncomfortable as well driving the car because of the pressure, so odds are, I would actually rent one for myself to ease my stress.
But yes, stop trying to test your relationships with the hope that they fail. If they are real and genuine relationships, chances are that life will give you checkpoints to evaluate the strength of the relationships anyway.
And my bet is that in the most organic ways, you will pass.
But also if and when they “fail/falter” it won’t be because you used your hands to influence the demise of something you so carefully built.

Anyways, time to head to the gym. It’s 9:15am and I am running “late”.
Another reason I like working from home. How many times will you get the chance to actually be entering the gym at past 9am?
We move sha.

I hope this week, you are having reasons to smile and feel loved.
Don’t use your own hands to ruin the things you love. The world is already built to do that for you anyways.
Keep growing and shining – till next time.
Stay up!

Update: he let me use his car and I was terrified the whole time I drove it. For starters, it’s a German machine! And it cost a lot of money but also because I was traveling on a less traveled route. Anyway, it was a day.
And thankfully, my mind lost this battle.

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan


Paper Boats

Even paper boats can float, till they can’t anymore.

There were days I would stay up late building castles with you
Home of gold with you

Rooms filled with play and tickle
Filled with love, lust, and passion
I would fight sleep to sit with you
Then give in to my dreams because I would get to be with you
Now I can’t sleep
My heart pinches with pain
And it’s all because of you

Life is fast but progress can be slow. Do what you can now, move the needle now

The other day I was thinking about how I started my weightloss journey in the middle of March. I was sooo annoyed that I didn’t feel like I was seeing significant progress till like July and then suddenly, it was as if I was just peeing all the fat away.
Then my mind got used to expecting that type of speedy impact. But that’s not real life.
The reality is that life is sooo fast. So much is happening daily and at an incredible rate but the goal should be what you can now and keep going, your impact will eventually snowball down the road. Sometimes it takes meeting the right energy/person/situation to realize great impact but don’t use the fact that life is moving fast, to not move.
For example, fitness folks will tell you that doing a daily work of 15 minutes will have a lasting impact than doing a 1hr workout once a month. Just move the needle today, however small. Your whole being will be grateful for it.

3 ways to get and maintain internal and external happiness

Relationships are everything

you usually get your first job because you know someone. Be that bonding agent for the next person. Pour into your relationships, friendships and more. I am realizing as I get older that more than what you have saved or not saved, I am happy about the human beings I call home in my life. They are all invaluable currency to me. Cherish that. Some people spend their whole lives looking for meaningful connections. If you have them, appreciate them. This is your cue to text or call that person you have been meaning to call. Life is also too damn short. Do it!

Keep learning and figuring out new ways to learn

What have you learned recently? What new thing have you picked up or learned that has improved you?It is not a major prerequisite to life but a sure way to stay happy/encouraged/motivated and growing is by continuing to learn every day.
Someone recently told me about how I know a “little about many things” and I laughed.
I certainly picked that up from my father. He knows a lot about a lot of different things.
But I love learning new things – it’s why I love history, discovery and animal channels. I am always trying to absorb new things about the world I live in and my place in it. Find something new to learn today. Preferably not work-related and let me know in the comments what it is.

Be a problem solver and innovator – use your privilege.

It is very likely that you hold some privilege, whatever marginalized group you are a part of.
Understand what that privilege is and how you can take that into the world to make it better.
For example, I am a black man in America. They are literally trying to kill us every day.
But I am also a black educated man in tech in America with some resources, so I am using that to try and better the lives of kids in Nigeria and other parts of the world.
It may not be a lot but to those 100+ kids and families, it is much. Find your privilege and make it the gift you give others. PS: if you will like to be part of the @TheRantsShow’s Annual Giveback happening in Nigeria every December, leave me a comment or message me. Fundraising will start very shortly!

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan


Regardless, Upon Still

“Gas going up on a Wednesday!”

“How does that affect me?”
I said as I stood in my kitchen looking at my phone. My friend on FaceTime was trying to explain to me how the price of gas could be making things difficult for people around the US and the energy crisis in the UK affecting my friends and family.
I can’t relate.
Yes, I know things have gotten more expensive and much is tighter for folks but I truly can’t always relate.
I had to check my privilege.

I know this first hand because about a decade ago or maybe even half a decade ago, I was buying gas on credit and anticipating overdraft fees.
Now, I pull into the gas station without caring about how much it costs.
Not that I still won’t try to buy it where cheaper but the reality for me is that if it is $5.49/gal or $5.99/gal, I will still buy it because I can afford it and it does not make that much of a dent in my pocket.
Truth is, a lot of people care about how much it costs and it does affect more people than it does me.

I appreciated the conversation with my friend because while I believe myself to be self-aware, I still recognize that blind spots are everywhere.
So stay active in checking your privilege and how you move through spaces.
It’s a never-ending part of life and growth.

Pressure is a privilege and a gift

Have you ever been in a place/space where expectations of you were dead on arrival? Like people just did not expect you to amount to anything or be able to do something? Minds already made up for you about things and your capabilities. I recently got to listen to the legendary Billie Jean King and in her talk, there were a few things that jumped out to me.
One was the concept that pressure is a privilege and a gift.
Think of it like this, imagine being on a sports team (maybe the one you were on in high school) that was so bad you lost every game.
Then you face the biggest and best team in the country – all the reports are about how much they will beat you.
On both sides, you can factor in how pressure might be a privilege and a gift – on the side of the “bad team”, no one expects anything of them and that can be a gift because they can go in and enjoy themselves. On the side of the better team, the pressure to win and win convincingly is a privilege.

I don’t want to live a life where no one expects greatness from me.
I demand it.
I like that with the skills I have in life, people expect something from me. 
Now we should all be cautious to ensure that the pressure does not overwhelm or drown us, but the pressure is welcome and should be used as fuel for greater things.

What area of your life are you grateful that people expect a lot of you?

About the Wordsmith

Apologies for missing the post last week – I am learning to prioritize myself a bit more as I shared a few weeks ago.
Last Wednesday I was watching my fave Jacob Banks in San Francisco and boy did we have a night! One day, I’ll gist you all.
But yeah, I was at the concert thinking, I could just pull up the WordPress app and post while standing front row, and then I decided not to.
I know some of you look forward to reading this every week and I apologize but your boy had a great time sha.
And I hope you enjoyed reading this week’s post.
Also, I am making my full foray into completely going bald – I groomed myself and shaved all my hair last week.
I loved it.
Just soft launching my 2023 and beyond look, so get ready for it.

For those wondering, I am doing well. I feel lighter than I have for most of the year but I am still working through things.
We will all figure it out together, so thank you for being here always and for your comments and sharing.
Till next time, we gather dey!

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan


Grow Up

Nobody tells you how uncomfortable growing can be and how much you lose if you don’t evolve.

As you get older, what do you really want?
Over the past few months, I have been reviewing certain situations in my life and how they have been shaped.
My weekends for example are on two completely different extremes – I am either in another state or even country or I am laid up in bed watching Oga Sabinus videos with no plan at all.

I like the quiet, and the occasional dash to another city or country.
I like the feeling of warmth I get from directly interacting with my friends and loved ones. There was a time when I wanted to be liked by many. Now I crave being respected by those that matter and those I make room for in my heart.
Lately, I have been thinking about what I want now as an older man than when I was younger.
Some I would expand on, others I would just state the headline


I think I have written here many times that the word that truly drives me is impact. I live for impact.
I want to be impactful in all the spaces and areas of my life.
But how does that translate into my relationships?
When I was younger, I just wanted someone to listen when I spoke or when I shared. Now I want someone that listens and acts.
There has to be an intentional element of every aspect of relationships.
I have come to realize that it is not enough to just exist in our dynamics, we have to act.

There might have been a time where I just wanted a partner I could vent to. Now, I believe I want one that can act on my frustrations if needed and hold me accountable where appropriate.

Loyalty – with respect and reevaluation

Gone are the days of us staying friends because we used to go to Nigerian Student Association parties.
There requires more than that to loyalty – its the consistent trust, leaving space for growth, mistakes and all-round support of each other.
Not present? Biko shift.

Honesty and Practicality

I think it’s only right that as we grow and evolve, people are appreciate the value of honesty and communication between friends and family. Lately, I had an unexpected conversation about how I felt regarding a situation where someone hurt me. People have been calling for me to forgive and let it go but I never felt I had anything to let go of.
The conversation sparked more for me though – we spend so much energy trying to get the hurt/maligned/abused to let go of their pain.
Granted we all fall short but shouldn’t the feelings of the person hurt be protected?

I’ll use an analogy – imagine you go out of town for the weekend and you let your friend stay at your place.
You come back and find out they stole from you. Do you ever let them back in?
Oftentimes, someone hurts and steals from us but our closest friends simply ask us to leave the locks unchanged and let them back in.
No thanks.
I’m setting an alarm and a Ring system. Want to get close to me or mine again, text abeg.

Random Musings
Importance of Self Care

Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent a bit of time at the hospital. Routine checks but also following up on some concerns I had.
In that time, I realized that the value of sleep and rest should not be understated.
Many of us grind and work sooo hard for many months out of the year and sometimes look out for the big vacations we take once a year.
I don’t find that sustainable. We don’t sleep enough. I don’t sleep enough.
I am at the age now where I worry quite a bit about a few different things.
So where is the self-care?
It’s not only in the boba tea you get yourself every other week. Sorry Matcha gang!
It’s about listening to your body, and your heart, pouring into your cup in the ways you know that speak to you.
Getting enough sleep, putting sunscreen on your neck, ignoring negativity + gossip, drinking water and minding your business.
That and more is putting yourself in care.

Your Friends are Your Friends, their Friends are NOT your Friends

I love to watch how people act when relationships end. The split is actually interestingly comical. Everyone needs to go through it at least once, so you know how it goes.
Some people adore you when you are with their friends. Maybe by extension or because they really respect who you are.
But when the relationship or friendship ends, even in the most amicable ways, everyone picks sides.
And I find that fascinating because more parties are biased and they usually cap for their friends.
But if you loved your friend, you would tell them the truth.
Like if he took his eyes off the prize, tell him. Not just stop talking to her.
Sister, what if your friend was the reason the relationship ended? But now you subbing him instead of helping your own friend grow and be better?
It’s always hilarious to observe but such is life. Everybody ehn? Do better. Tainz!

Grow Up

If your default is confrontation with people all the time or feeling like you need to start shit to show how nonchalant you are, you are the one who actually needs a hug – it’s giving damaged and hurt on the inside. Do better.
Nuff said.

See you all next Wednesday. Please share this piece with your friends and family and on social media – Twitter, IG, Snapchat and so on.

The Wordsmith,
Master of Cliffhangers.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday

Why Do You Cry So Much?


It’s been about 6months since I started my diet with changes that I hoped would help change my internal and external appearance.

I called my diet Green and Grown – I focused on eating things primarily green (leaves) and grown out of the ground (potatoes, vegetables, and such)
My target date to check in on my body and see how much progress I had made was 9/2/22 before my friend Renny’s wedding.

I had to weigh myself for something else around August 2nd and I had already hit the target goal I was aiming for.
Altogether, I had lost ~49pounds.
I was shocked and I began crying – I think I always knew I was capable but I also just didn’t know I could.
But here I am doing the damn thing- someone asked me recently how I had been able to achieve most of my goals.
This battle has been won in the kitchen and evidence made known at the gym.
Here’s how

Green and Grown

Shirataki Noodles, Grilled Chicken, Avocado and Rice

– I made sure I was overloaded on vegetables and things loaded in fiber (I swear by Shirataki noodles), they are low in calories and high in fiber.
My typical meal with them stays balanced – Shirataki noodles, a scoop of rice, grilled chicken thighs, half a plantain (y’all know I love my plantain) & avocado.

Outside of the meals, the biggest thing was the mentality change. I became super conscious about everything I ate – yes sometimes I get obsessed with counting calories but the truth is by checking EVERY SINGLE THING, I have been able to stay ahead of my diet.

Fell out of love with rice and pasta

Growing up in a Nigerian home, Sundays were meant for rice.
I fell in love with pasta when I came to America and frankly it is the only thing where portion control goes out of the window.
Over the last few months, I cut both out.
I replaced them with other carbs and when I started eating them again, I would only eat them in very small quantities.
I quickly realized I really like both but I was not that deeply in love with them.
I got creative about supplementing them.
Truth be told, I won’t say cutting them out entirely has changed my diet or life – but helping redefine my relationship with both has helped.

Emotional eating

I realized I was an emotional eater. Emotional eating is not only eating when you are sad and stuffing your face, it could also mean not eating when you should. Typically when your mood is low.
For me, when I am sad, I opt for sleep.
It then means I may not eat for a long time.
By the time I decide to eat, it’s 11pm or midnight. Sometimes sef, mo ti ro eba ni 1am. Not cap.
I had to change and get on a strict schedule.
Now I have to eat or drink a smoothie by noon, lunch or brunch snack by 3pm-ish, and dinner before 7pm, 8pm at the latest.
It doesn’t matter how I am feeling, I just make sure I eat something and so far it has changed how I look at food.

Get Practical

The other day, I realized that I do something I thought was funny.
Before when I wanted to ensure I didn’t forget something while leaving the house, I would set a reminder on my phone.
The problem was sometimes, even with the reminders, I would still forget.
So I changed and I started doing something else. If wanted to make sure I took something out of the house with me, I would place it right in front of the door heading out of my home.
That way, I physically had to bypass it to leave.

I started doing this with my food – I changed the plates I eat with, I stopped buying certain ingredients into the house, and so on.
I don’t believe it’s enough to assume or want to do something, I believe you have to be physically practical about your goals.
Outline the workouts you want to do at the gym, and align on the timeline you want for certain things – all of those things will eventually help you arrive where you’d like to.

Random Musings of the Week

Adulting is HARD

I remember when all I cared about was running fast enough to use the bathroom and wash my hands before my cartoons would come back from commercials. Now I am thinking of love languages, genotypes, credit scores, savings, and more.
When did it all become so difficult?

Kindness is important

The only currency I want to be paid in is kindness and respect.
Too often we decline what we can do vs. what we should do. People don’t always deserve our kindness but we should give it regardless.

Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong.

Yours always,

The Wordsmith
Master of Cliffhangers

Please leave a comment below.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday

Love Sucks


But it could all be so great?

Leave it…better

Why does “love” today make us harder?
In many situations, people come out of romantic relationships fully afraid of reentering new ones.
Think for a moment – have you ever genuinely left an ex better than you met them?
A better lover, more eager to love, more vulnerable, and in today’s word of the day – softer?

Those women that think they make every partner better, please exit left. This is not for you or your ego.
I’m not asking if you did a good job being a pseudo mom to a man-child or did a great job babying someone.
I’ve been thinking about how we sometimes treat relationships like a war zone and we are the aggressors.
We come in and pillage – we collect and collect on both fronts, then we leave and each person has to pick up the pieces and make sense of the ruins.

I’d love to think of relationships as paid internships (unpaid internships should be abolished).
You go in, you learn, express yourself, develop, and when the internship is over you get offered a full-time role.
Sometimes we decline the role but it doesn’t stop us from being excited to take another in another company or another team.
You should be leaving everyone you interact with better than you met them, in one or many ways.

Strive for better in your next interactions. Please note that better doesn’t mean going from 10% to 35% but it can be from 4%-4.2% and sometimes that is more than enough.


What is your threshold for joy?

Our trauma and pain often condition and asks us to know what our limits to pain are but never to identify what the max level of joy we can contain.
As you read this if you have been heartbroken before I bet you can easily pinpoint how much pain your heart has felt and how it never wants to experience that again.
BUT…can you convey the highest realms of joy that you have experienced and if your heart can expand just a bit more to experience more joy?
Many of us don’t know.

There is a question we were not really taught to answer – what if it actually goes right?
What if I experience tremendous joy? Peace? Love?
The natural instinct is to prepare for the worst but what happens if we strive for the best?

I challenge US to think about our threshold for joy. What if, just what if it all works out?
What if we find peace in the things and space we occupy?
I want to learn how much happier I can get and most importantly, I want to allow myself to experience it without fear, guilt or trepidation.


I have too many emotional tabs open right now

I think we all do but I wanted to acknowledge that.

Thank you for reading another WordsOfWednesday. I appreciate you all being here.
Please leave me a comment below – they truly make everything better and I hope you have a great rest of the week. See you soon and till then, stay up!

Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong.

Yours always,

The Wordsmith
Master of Cliffhangers

Please leave a comment below.

Please comment, retweet and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.


© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan


“You’re Not My Person”

I’d love to read your thoughts and comments, please leave me a note and let me know your thoughts. Thanks!

How many times do you choose yourself?

This written piece has not yet been edited for grammar and spelling.

Its 11:25pm and I just got in from my big “brothers” wedding. I haven’t even taken my agbada off.
I heated up some food from the wedding and it’s sitting on the bed but I quickly wanted to write this and get my thoughts down.

I really like myself.

Not all the time and frankly, not even most times but I like me I’m becoming.
This week, I prioritized rest.
Today, I forgave myself without the long process of self-degradation and punishment.
I like me.
I like that I’m fallible. I’m coming to terms with it more and more.
Growing up and chasing perfection, I realized that it was impossible to beat myself up more than anyone else could.
I would truly berate myself for some of my actions – yes, because I wanted to hold myself to high standard but again, to what end?
I am more good than bad, as a matter of fact, I’m overwhelming better than I’m not.
So why do I define myself by my scars and not the beauty I am irrespective of them?

I’m also realizing that I appreciate people that love with grace. We all have our lines we draw in the sand and honestly, people are bound to cross them. We are human.
But with the people you love, as long as it is not intentional, I hope you love them with grace even when they may hurt you.
Chastise in love, hold boundaries with grace and find a way to stay true to your internal values.


A few months ago, I wrote about going on a trip with my friends and expecting them to call out that I had lost weight.
It didn’t exactly happen but this weekend, everyone could not stop talking about it.
It was an encouraging and firm reminder that when I’m dying in the gym, I’m not crazy and the results are showing.

There are some facts about life: the sun rising, gravity, taxes but the most important one is that Sanmi in a suit?
Chef’s kiss.
I looked soooo goodt this weekend.

The kicker, was I forgot my belt at home. So instead of buying another one, I had to roll up my pants all weekend because the clothes I made two months ago are now too small. Omo. 😩
I was in sifiaaaa pains last week when I took in my suit to get tailored – tailoring $60. Suit that I bought on sale for $69.99.

I’ve switched from my green and grown diet a bit – more protein (chicken) and Shirataki noodles are my newfound love.
It’s been great, exciting, and above all – healthy.
I am liking the way I look but am excited for what’s to come.

A few weeks ago, I was at the gym when I noticed a woman helping a young man on the soccer field.
She was holding his hand and talking him around the field – they were chasing a soccer ball.
It took me a few minutes to realize he was blind.
Admittedly, my first thoughts were “wow, he’s so strong to still love the game of football despite his condition” but quickly that changed.
A recent training I had at work helped influence my mind – his situation was not meant to elicit pity from me first.

How many times have people told you “it could have been worse” or “someone out there has it worse than you”?
This video changed my perspective on so much – someone’s pain does not need to be your inspiration.
In my mind, it doesn’t come from a place of genuine kindness to see someone in pain and your first thought is “wow, at least I’m better off than they are”
There are biases that always find a way to sneak into our minds. I’m calling out one of mine that I’ve been working on, hopefully, you can too.


A little over a week ago, I was returning from the gym and racing to catch a work meeting.
There was a guy trying to turn his car around as I rushed to find a parking spot.
He was blocking me and he was moving soooo slowly!
I was soooo frustrated.
So I honked at him to move out of the way. He moved slowly.
I was cussing under my breath as I went to find parking and as I drove past him, I noticed he had a flat tire on the side of the car that I couldn’t see before.
I felt so small.
I was like “damn, see your whole life outside”
I didn’t find parking there, so I had to drive back around and past him.
As I got close to him, I said – “hey, I am sorry I honked at you. I did not now you had a flat tire”
He smiled and said “yeah, I appreciate that”
I asked if he had someone to help him with changing the tire, he said he had the tools and he would do it himself.
I drove off and I went to park.

It was a humbling lesson for me that morning.
Many times we rush to judge people and we do not know what their flat tire is.
We do not know what they are carrying and nursing.
I felt soooo small but I also felt strong in coming back to apologize.
None of us is beyond correction and if anything, I was proud that I found a way to say sorry.
Be kind(er) today in every space you occupy. Do not be the extra needle in someone’s already flat tire.

Stay Up, Stay Safe & Stay Strong.

Yours always,

The Wordsmith
Master of Cliffhangers

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© 2022 #WhatTheHeckMan


I need Igbo and Shayo!


Put the shayo in my hand.

It’s 5:42pm and I need to head to choir practice soon. I am looking at items on aisle E2 at Target and listening to worship songs through my AirPods.
I’m on the brink.
The next song, the next beat, the next string may break me.
I turn to head to another aisle and it happens.
I drop to my knees and I begin sobbing.
It’s been as if my chest has been tight for weeks. Something – I don’t know the thing – has been heavy on my spirit.
Actually, it’s a lie. I know at least one of the things.
But back to me on the floor in Target.
This is the culmination of weeks and months of holding it in. Being strong.
And finally, right next to the dish soap, I broke.

Describe what peace of mind looks like to you?
Take a moment and think about it. No, stop reading and just think about it.
When was the last time you felt peace?
Not your house/home being freshly cleaned and quiet with a candle lit.
That’s peaceful. Not peace.
The peace part is inside you.
It’s intangible but when it’s present, it fills up the whole room and some can’t see it.
But they can feel it.

This particular edition of WordsOfWednesday is a dump.
Its a few of my thoughts from many months.
So yes, they may be all over the place but I hope they connect with some of you.

I was at the Maverick City and Kirk Franklin show last Friday and many times I cried.
Before they started, I wrote out a list of prayer points and I hoped God would speak to me.
As I write this portion, I feel like I will cry again at any moment.
But here we are.
Writing brings me peace. I just want the one that stays.
It’s been many months of fleeting emotions. On various trips, I forget my worries.
I detach but I have found that if you don’t spend time finding the peace that stays, you’ll never have for too long.
I used to have it in church, now two weeks in a row I watched the service from home and rolled my eyes.
I used to find it in friends but I feel like many have forgotten what it feels like to truly be there.

Brake light

Sometime last year, someone old me that one of my brake lights was out. I have some work that I need to do on my car, so basically I ignored fixing the light.
But I realized that I was always afraid to drive at night.
If a police car came up behind me, I would drive and hope I didn’t have to step on my brakes.
This happened for months, almost a full year.
Then one day while getting my oil changed, I asked the guy if he could help me change my lights. I already had the bulbs in the car the whole time.
A few minutes later it was done and I was driving off at peace.

It got me thinking about how many times, we are the architects of our own heartache.
Many times we just need to take a few minutes/hours/days to focus on fixing that one thing but we choose to put it off and it hurts.
That healing, that letting go of pain, that closing a chapter – we put it off for so long and it hurts us even more.
Don’t be like me, fix your light.

Clean on the inside, clean on the outside

A few weeks ago, my friend’s father celebrated his 70th birthday.
I was privileged to sing at the event.
When it came to giving speeches about him, everyone basically said similar things. The biggest one was that he was the same man inside the home as he was outside.
Like they literally meant, the version the world see is who he is to the core.
For me, it was humbling in many ways.
Most especially because I knew I had to aspire for that.

Are you the same when the lights are off or you’re in a different crew?
Will people say your core values never waver?
It really got me thinking and it’s something I want to strive for.

Know Thyself

Who are you? Like truly!
Forget all the stuff you do for people and outward things – when you are sitting in your car – alone and reflecting, who are you?

Personally, I am a beautiful and flawed soul.
I am kind, thoughtful, patient (to those I like and some people), generous (with time and resources), introspective, highly irritable, stubborn, sometimes stoic and so.
I know myself – to a certain degree.

The challenge here remains, that sometimes we put ourselves in situations that force us to question who we really are.
Nothing should be making you doubt your true self and if you are in spaces that do that, you need to leave.

For me, the times that I have felt like I didn’t know myself were the times when I went searching for acceptance over being true to myself. Most of the times I have clashed with people, a part of it is rooted in the fact that I know myself and regardless of their opinions, I wouldn’t budge on my core self.

I heard a short sermon at a worship session today (more on that later) and the word simply said

“God has already loved you the way you are. He has chosen and accepted you. We just spend our whole lives trying to come to that realization even though it was settled long ago”.
It struck me. The sadness I feel right now is rooted in the fact that I wanted to be accepted by certain people but upon true evaluation, they added nothing to my life. So why continue to feel less than for people or spaces that don’t leave me with more?

Again, know thyself. Know what makes you tick. What your flaws and strengths are. Your vices.
Your limits and boundaries.
And then hold them.
Evolve but don’t “change” – stay true to you because in your life, you are your only constant.

Thanks for reading!
Leave me a comment below with your thoughts.

#WhatTheHeckMan · #WordsofWednesday · African Stories · Bloggers · Drama

Am I the drama?

In this life have sense, money, and shame.

Words of Wednesday

Some friendships are only for a season,
Sometimes they come in during your harvest
Others during your drought
Some are the shoulder to lean on
Some need your shoulder
A few are like mortgage contracts
Thirty-year fixed
Others are shorter than a Netflix show
When some end
It’s like an Iroko falls in the forest
While others end with a soft block and unblock
Then you change your Netflix password
And forget they ever existed

The fear of loneliness is what makes it hard for some of us to audit our friendships because the truth is after some of those reviews, you’ll realize you were already alone.
That you had grown apart while standing next to each other.
Amazing to see that the pandemic of the last two years has brought many closer and some others completely dropped out of the picture.
When was the last time you audited your friendships? Auditing also means reviewing your own performance and input in that space – are you worthy to still be called their friend?

Over the last few days, I have been thinking about the concept of “shelf life” and the spaces we occupy. Think of it like this – remember that vase your mom or dad had on the shelf. All your childhood, it was just there, in some African or Latino homes, it may even have been the place they hid emergency monies or keys.
Notice how it was there for years and despite not moving much, it always served a purpose?
Those are your riders, they may change color, grow old but they are there and impactful.
Others are like the flowers in the vase – pretty for a while but ultimately, they “die and fade” and you hardly remember them beyond the short excitement they provided in the time they were there.

Auditing my friendships over the last few weeks, the following random thoughts jumped out to me

Don’t Stagnate,

Stagnation is scary. Not really the stagnation of you life but truly looking at the core of a man or woman.
Money doesn’t buy swag.
Houses and cars don’t hide insecurities.
And truth be told, sometimes the wealth you acquire to cover the manhole of inadequacies, only makes those flaws more glaring and sad when they rear their heads.
I realized quickly that I am very afraid of seeing my friends stagnant, emotionally to be precise.
How are you still having the same types of fights or outbursts as you did when you were 21? Where is your evolution?
Do not be stagnant. You may have more money in the bank, and more rings on your hands but has the child in you grown? Found peace?
Start within.

Am I the drama?

If you are the one constant when drama arises in a group, maybe, just maybe you should stay closer to your therapist and be more diligent in your self-improvement work. The tweet above sums it up.
At some point for your friendships and relationships to blossom, you need to find a way to self-reflect and introspect. Are you the drama?
Are you the one people need to tiptoe around?
Have you gotten those mood swings in check? Do you drift in and out of being present?
Are you still unable to see the group but only yourself?

When did we become our parents?

I noticed a few months ago that I was the person that would be wronged by someone and not really feel the need to defend myself. Happened a lot.
People would say or do things that were false and I would always rely on “God knows best and my truth is mine”
I recently realized where that came from. A few years ago, there was someone in my church that was going around telling lies about my dad – the Pastor.
It was causing so much pain to me because all I wanted to do was defend him but he always told me to let it go.
For months, it raged on till the person left the church and went to another church. Still smearing his name.

A few months later, I came back home late in the evening, it must have been around 11pm. When I pulled up, there were cars I recognized around the house.
Walking in, I noticed a group of people in the second living room. They did not see me, nor did I want them to but I did peek in.
Guess what I saw?
That same woman and her husband were on their knees begging my dad.
She apologized for lying against him and such.
And my dad in typical fashion, he forgave. My mother was furious!
But my dad has always been big on forgiveness. And so am I, the only difference is that I am not one to forget, you will not do it to me twice.
IT just got me thinking, when did I become my dad?
I am super particular like him, I dress serious like him, and I emotionally approach things and conflict like him. Damn, I truly am that man’s son.
Sorry, Maury.

Are you like your parents or guardians in any way? And when did you realize that you had become like them?
Let me know in the comments below!

Thanks for reading!