How Many Times Are You Going to Ignore Your Intuition?

So how many times are you going to ignore your intuition? How many times are you going to silence the most consistent voice that has occupied your head for all these years?

I know it’s the hope that gets you. It’s the hope that makes you think this one will be different. This time won’t be like the last.

But at some point, you have to become responsible for understanding the threads within your life.

I’ll come back to that in a second.

As I write this right now, there is a throbbing sensation on the left side of my head. It has been there on and off since Saturday. Initially, when it started, I made the usual joke about how once you cross 30, any slight physical inconvenience makes you wonder whether you just need more sleep and water… or whether you’re somehow entering the final phase of your life.

After observing it closely — and trying to diagnose my life — I’ve come to understand that this particular pain is stress-driven.

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The Threads We Chase

Work is the busiest it’s been in a long time. And emotionally, I feel like I’ve been all over the place.

I truly believe that as people get older, one of the things they chase is a predictable balance across all areas of their lives.

But where I stand right now, there are so many threads to manage.

My friend’s mom having surgery.
Big next-life decisions concerning my health.
People getting engaged.
People falling in love.
People growing their families.

And in the middle of all of that, you find yourself asking:

How did I get here again?
How did I let these triggers get me to this point?
How did I take my eyes off the prize?

I’ve said it before: maturing is understanding what your highs look like, what your lows feel like, and how much of that you can control.

A lot of the stress I feel emotionally right now is either self-inflicted or the result of ignoring very blatant signs that I’ve always known.

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Mutual Interest Is Not Compatibility

One of the main reasons I’ve ended up in certain situations is this: earlier in my romantic life, I felt like people I loved gave up on me — or on what we were building — too easily.

Because of that, I developed this instinct to never give up on anyone I care about.

Friends.
Partners.
Even people I work with.

But here’s the problem.

If you’re not strict about protecting your happiness and your peace, eventually that peace gets altered. All you’re doing is punting the problem from affecting you in March to affecting you in August.

And if you’re mature and self-aware enough, you’ll feel the discomfort early. That subtle misalignment. That unease in your spirit.

You know when you’re being breadcrumbed.
You know when you’re focusing only on the positives.
You know when, if you forensically analyze it, this person may not actually be right for your life.

Mutual interest — and even mutual alignment — does not mean compatibility.

Liking someone doesn’t mean they’re good for you.

Caring about someone doesn’t mean they should occupy your space.

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The Rain Analogy

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again.

If it’s raining outside and you see kids playing in the rain, and you decide to join them while dressed in white, the mud that splashes on your clothes is your fault.

But the mud that hits you just from being outside? That’s not your fault.

When you ignore the early signals — whether it’s the throbbing on the left side of your head or the unease you feel in certain conversations — and you override that for the reward of hope… you are choosing to step into the rain.

Old triggers don’t always come back in the same form. Sometimes they reincarnate slightly modified.

And I’m tired of making similar mistakes.

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Accountability Isn’t Always Comfortable

I hate 5 a.m. flights. I will only take them if they’re the last resort or the only option to get me where I need to be.

There are things I cannot tolerate. And frankly, should not.

Recently, I thanked one of my favorite people in my life for being someone who openly shares how they feel about me and the space I occupy in their life.

That gratitude was only possible because I was able to forensically analyze my life — my friendships, my romantic decisions.

I have a very functional fear of certain types of people, especially certain types of women in relationships. But I also had to hold myself accountable.

For a stretch of my life, I attracted the:
“Oh, I’m much better in person.”
“Oh, I’m nonchalant and cold over the phone.”
“Oh, I light up only when we’re in the same room.”

But I also had to admit: I know I don’t want to be with someone who can’t articulate their feelings.

I know I’m not comfortable being with someone who is overly emotional about everything.

And you have to be brutally honest about why you do what you do.

Was I lonely and didn’t know it?
Did I just like the attention?

An ex-friend once told me, during a reconciliation attempt with someone I loved:

“Sanmi, you’re only doing this for your ego. You want to be the one who ends it before they end it with you.”

That hurt. But it was true.

Recognizing that made it easier to let things be.

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Protection Can Still Cause Harm

People create mechanisms to protect themselves.

But it is entirely possible for someone to protect themselves in a way that harms you.

You’re trying to connect with someone who is evasive because they’re guarding against heartbreak. But in their protection, they’re hurting you.

Maturity is understanding that both things can be true.

Growth is realizing that sometimes holding your tongue to keep the peace doesn’t create peace. It creates misunderstanding.

At the same time, being quick to push someone away isn’t always strength. Sometimes it’s fear.

“I don’t want to get too close so I don’t get hurt.”

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Finding Your Way Back to Yourself

As I write this, I’m about to get on a flight to Miami.

The last time I was at that airport, my heart was heavy. I felt unseen. Unappreciated. Uncared for.

Two completely different seasons. But I can track the similarities between how I felt then and how I feel now.

And I say all of this to say:

You deserve grace.

And in this case, that “you” includes me.

Understanding where I’ve gone wrong is growth. Understanding why the left side of my head is throbbing is growth.

But the next level is learning to mitigate the things that lead to that pain in the first place.

There’s no perfect science.

The best thing we can do is improve every single day.

Be honest with yourself.
Be kind with yourself.
Be strict with yourself.

Know when the negatives are creeping in.
Know when to close the door.
Know when to leave it open for what is good.

But most importantly — find your way home.

Till next time.

Stay up.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2026 #WhatTheHeckMan

I’m coming from my friend’s wedding as I get these thoughts in my head, heading back to my hotel. In my mind, there are many things that we as human beings want and need to keep us fulfilled, engaged, inspired, motivated, and so on. As I head home, it could be because I’ve just spent all this time around love and celebration.

There’s still a part of me that feel somewhat saddened by the emptiness of not having my person in that specific regard, like not having love, but having the secured love, and like the secured forever love, the marriage dotted line, and all that. I’d open up this piece by just saying, get you someone who polishes your shoes and irons your clothes. Now, for my women followers, I know you’re probably freaking out because you just heard ironing, but the polishing of the shoes and the ironing are both metaphors for what I’m exactly speaking about.

What I’m more speaking about is someone with the intense, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the heck is wrong with you? What I’m most speaking about is someone who considers you in the purest, most organic and non-influenced ways. I think you get to a certain point of your life where there’s an intangible that you hope that you get from your partner and the communities that you are a part of. I remember thinking about myself as I was evaluating and trying to better understand my life, decisions that I’ve made, and things of that nature.

I was exploring the things that I think I am great at and the things that probably need a bit more work. I think I am the lover that polishes your shoes and irons your clothes. I don’t know if it was an upbringing thing or if it was how I have just come to be as a man, but if we’re on vacation or we’re in, not even on vacation, if we’re in my house and we’re getting ready for date night and I intend to iron a shirt, I’m more than likely, I’m almost 100% confident that I would ask, what are you wearing so I can iron it? More importantly, one thing I’ve noticed and observed about myself is I typically would iron theirs first before mine.

It’s not lost on me why that is and it’s because I feel like if you have the skill set to alleviate stress for your partner, that is exactly what you should do. I find that one of the ways that I’ve probably felt the most let down in relationships, romantic relationships particularly, is someone who considers my shoes and my clothes first. It feels rare.

It feels like something that is not even common anymore, but a part of me still believes it possible for folks to still enjoy that reality of being able to have someone that prioritizes you and puts you first. A lot of us haven’t experienced that in a while and I think it’s important that whenever people hear things like that, they don’t automatically jump into the defense mode of, no, I definitely am that partner. I think the depth of what I’m describing is in it being a lived action where this person just shows up loving you in that particular way.

It’s not just on a good day or on the day that they’re responsible for managing you. The home or the relationship, that is who they are naturally and who they show up to be with you. Something really, really beautiful about that.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2026 #WhatTheHeckMan

Dancing in Rio

1:12 a.m.
Don’t ask me why I’m outside right now, because I really should be asleep, especially since I have an early morning. I’m going to see the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio, Brazil. That tells you where I am, but it doesn’t fully capture how excited I am to see another wonder of the world. I am very, very excited about that.

Someone asked me what my next travel goal would be, seeing as I’ve now been to 40 countries just before my 35th birthday. I said I want to see the remaining wonders of the world before my 40th birthday. The old and the new wonders of the world before the next decade of my life feels like the right challenge.

Right now, I’m walking back to my hotel room holding food from McDonald’s and a place called Fat Guys. I couldn’t fully trust either one of them to deliver exactly what I wanted, but considering how cheap it is to get food here, I figured McDonald’s is dependable to a certain degree. You usually know what you’re going to get with them. Fat Guys had great ratings online and seemed cool, so I decided to give it a shot. Between the two of them, I’m hoping this turns into a solid midnight meal.

I also stopped by the pharmacy to grab some water. What feels most interesting about tonight isn’t the wandering itself, but the reminder that I truly enjoy finding time to connect with myself when I travel. Mostly when I’m outside the country. I get excited about trying new things and new foods, and while I didn’t fully lean into that tonight since I ended up at McDonald’s, I’m glad I still made the effort to explore.

Travel has a way of humbling you. At the restaurant, I was trying to communicate with the staff, and everyone was speaking Portuguese. I knew absolutely nothing. I just stood there trying to explain what I wanted. At one point, I was desperately trying to get this guy to understand that I wanted extra sweet and sour sauce. Eventually, I realized he wasn’t refusing me. You simply have to pay for the sauce, and even if you’ve already purchased some, you still have to pay for more.

It was such a small moment, but it made me pause. As well-traveled and adaptable as I like to think I am, I’m still a stranger in someone else’s world. In their minds, they might be wondering why I don’t know their language or why I can’t communicate more easily. Meanwhile, I’m standing there trying to figure out how to express myself clearly just to get what I need and move on.

If you know me, you know I believe there’s no point in complaining about things you have the power to change. So I’ve decided I’m going to learn Spanish this year. I’ve heard it transfers well to Portuguese. I’ve also done some groundwork with French, which might be easier to pick back up, but Spanish feels more practical, especially since I plan to explore more of South America.

It’s actually wild to think that out of the 40 countries I’ve visited, most have been in North America and Europe, with a handful in Africa. I really haven’t explored South America much, and I’m genuinely excited to change that. Brazil is just the beginning. Chile, Peru, and more are definitely on the list. It’s shaping up to be a good year.

I’ll probably continue this blog post before I publish it… or maybe I won’t. For now, I just wanted to get these thoughts down while the moment is still fresh.

Manufacturing Happiness and Choosing Peace

Is it impossible to imagine that you’ve used the phrase “fake it till you make it” before? Most of us have. In many cases, we’re told to fake it till we make it as a way to influence our subconscious to believe something that isn’t yet our reality. Today, we call it manifesting, the cooler and more modern label.

But I can’t say I ever manifested this moment.

Walking through a park less than 100 yards from the beach in Brazil, listening to children play and watching families spend quality time together, I feel at peace. I feel happy.

I’m floating on a cloud right now, figuratively, of course. I’m not actually on a cloud, but you get the point. Truthfully, I feel blessed to be in this space and to have the ability to choose to be here. Now, that Amex Platinum bill next month might be a different conversation, but for this moment, there’s comfort in simply enjoying where I am.

It makes me think about happiness and how many of us misunderstand it. I believe a certain type of person has to manufacture happiness from within. You have to decide what happiness looks like for you and then actively pursue it. It won’t be handed to you, and it rarely comes easily. You have to determine the type of life you want and what is required for you to feel fulfilled.

Yes, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, but more importantly, you have to be intentional about it. Intentional to a fault. Not just calculated in how you move toward happiness, but laser-focused on creating pockets in your life that make you feel alive.

That’s something I want to do more of this year. I’ve improved at it as I’ve gotten older. I’ve become better at recognizing the spaces that make me feel happy and grounded. But I still have moments where I lose focus. I wait until I’m overwhelmed before I act. I wait until my back is tight before I schedule a massage. I wait until I feel claustrophobic before booking a trip. I wait until guilt creeps in before calling certain friends or family members, even though I know those connections bring me joy.

It’s in my best interest to build happiness into my daily life and create routines that allow me to experience it more often.

As I watch people move around while preparing to ride up Sugarloaf Mountain in Rio de Janeiro, I want you to think about the top three things that make you happy. Look at your life and identify those three things. Then ask yourself how intentional you are about building at least one of them into your daily life and all three into your weekly or biweekly routine.

Maybe it’s spending time with friends, family, or your community. Maybe it’s going outside, working out, or simply carving out time for yourself. Whatever it is, make space for it regularly.

I hope to feel as happy as I do in this moment throughout this year and beyond. How realistic that is, given adulthood and the state of the world, is debatable. But what is within my control is scheduling time that prioritizes me and keeps me connected to my core. I hope you do the same this year.

I also want to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who reads this blog and shares space with my thoughts. An even bigger thank you to everyone who sent birthday wishes last week. I pray that we all experience happiness and joy in good health and sound mind throughout this year.

This is our third post of the year, and we’re only about five and a half weeks in. We’ve missed a couple of weeks, but we’re doing well. I do want to get better at scheduling posts ahead of time, though that’s challenging because I often wait to see if a new or more pressing thought surfaces that I want to share.

There are things I’ve tweeted about that I considered expanding on here, but honestly, I’m choosing to focus forward. I haven’t been perfect in any phase of my life, and I know there is always room for growth. What I have decided, however, is to prioritize spaces that make me feel safe and keep my nervous system at ease.

It has also reinforced something I’ve quietly believed: most people operate with some form of self-interest. That may sound cynical, but it feels realistic. Still, I want this post to remain rooted in happiness, so I’ll save that deeper conversation for another time.

What I will say is this: be good and do good because you genuinely want to be good. If the good you do is tied to an expectation of return, whether internal or external, it often stops being genuine. It might feel good in the moment, but if the outcome doesn’t match your expectations and you feel the need to remind people of what you did for them, that says more than the original act ever could.

How you respond when things don’t go your way is often more revealing than how you behave when everything is perfect.

Maybe I’ll revisit that topic later. Or maybe this version of me leaves it here because I’d rather bask in the peace, joy, and serenity I’m experiencing right now. That feels far more important.

With that, I’m closing this post by saying welcome to my new year and my birthday season. I’m officially celebrating my birthday for the entire month of February. I’ve never done that before since my birthday falls at the end of January, but we’re evolving. Starting next year, I’m extending it even further. January becomes my birth month, beginning January 2nd because I’ll respectfully leave January 1st for gratitude and reflection. From January 2nd through the first week of February, it’s my season.

I’ll hopefully see you next week with my 2025 review. Saying that out loud might help me commit to actually writing it. I’ll also be sharing photos from my trip to Brazil. If you want to see more, head over to my social media.

Until next time, stay up.

Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2026 #WhatTheHeckMan