I am currently sitting on my couch in my living room and have spent the better part of the evening here. It is 1:38 a.m., and I’m about to have a scoop or two scoops of ice cream and a cookie—one of the best cookies I’ve ever had in my life.

They’re from Sweet Charlie’s in Austin, Texas. I love them. I specifically go to the farmer’s market every week, or every couple of weeks—because sometimes I buy in bulk—to grab them.

Anyways, the reason why I brought up the cookies is because it’s late.
I had dinner probably at about 8:30. It was a late dinner because I was working, plus I had to make dinner.

I had Indomie and a very random thing. For as much as I can cook and as much as I’ve been cooking for years, Indomie and frying eggs have not been my strong suits—up until recently. My egg game is so much better than it used to be.

My best friend seems to think that his eggs are the best, but he needs to try my new and improved version. We stopped living together a little over 18 months ago, and in that time, I’ve gotta say, I can give him a run for his money. But you know, he doesn’t want to see me out on these streets. That being said, I am about to have dessert—a very late dessert—but before I do that, I’m going to post on my blog. That’s part of the reason why I am staying awake.

I was working, but right before I was about to go to sleep, I realized that it is Wednesday. Even though I have been posting on my blog for the last few weeks, if you haven’t read them, you can read them here.

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks that I haven’t shared with you guys, so I figured I’d do that before I go to bed. Hopefully, if you get a chance to read this, you’ll let me know your thoughts, share them with me, and we can talk.

The first thing that I want to touch on is the absolute importance of taking care of your light. For a lot of people, that light is in the people we surround ourselves with. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to say that there’s no light in us directly—I believe there is—but I also believe that there is magic in the people we keep around us.

Something happened in my family in the last couple of weeks that threatened to take away my light. I actually watched myself become a shadow of who I am, and in many ways, it’s given me better perspective for some of what— and I use that word loosely—some of what my closest friends have experienced in the last couple of years.

I worried. I could not sleep. I prayed. And even that comes with another layer—being faced with trials and tribulations, calling on God, and almost feeling guilty for doing that because then the devil wants you to question yourself and ask: “Did you call on God this frequently when everything was smooth?”

Even that reality, or that challenge, is not something I had fully anticipated going into adulthood, going into this year, and it definitely was something that I had to navigate in the last couple of weeks.

I won’t say much, because honestly there’s not much to say here, and I think for those of you that are sensitive enough—either in mind or in spirit—you can read between the lines and figure out what I’m referencing.

With that, I have to devote more time and more energy to carefully and consistently loving on my people. So, if there’s anything that I can take away from this entire post this week, it’s this: intentionally love your people. Call more. Make more time. Linger more with them. Hug a little bit tighter. Smile back. Send pictures. Take pictures. Keep them alive in your heart and keep them alive in all the things that you do on a daily basis.

Yes, it has been a challenging couple of weeks, but I want to thank those who are close to me—those that knew what was going on, those that remembered to check in, those that care but, you know, life is life-changing for them as well. So thank you to those that remember to check in. I see you. I care. I hope you’re doing well, and I hope that we continue to do well on this side of the aisle as well.

——-

Well, that was fun! I clocked four years at my job a few weeks ago.

If you had told me when I was getting this job four years ago that I was going to be at this company for four years, I probably would have said yes. I think I’m a loyal person. I have a sense of loyalty, even though I wouldn’t sit here and promise you that I was deeply loyal to any company. But if you add my sense of loyalty to my quest for stability, you can probably understand why I’m the type of employee that, if happy, stays at a company for a while.

It’s also just an added bonus that I really like the people that I work with. The work is fun, the work is challenging, and the work is at the forefront of what is happening in the world today with AI, with improvements and innovations. So it’s an exciting time to do what I do.

It’s an exciting time to be afraid, to be concerned, to lean into AI, to learn more—and that’s what I’m trying to do. I hope that you are doing the same for yourself in the pockets that you occupy as well.

_____________

Hmmmmm. So the heart is very interesting. It’s very complex. It’s so interesting how the heart is just a ridiculously complex contraption. Because not only does it, in a small way, do everything to keep you alive and ticking, it also has a way of humbling you and making you pause for a second.

I did something unintentionally—I don’t know if it was early this week or mid last week, probably late last week. In an attempt to explore something, I posted something that may have given someone—or some people—the wrong impression or the wrong message. It was interesting to me to watch the reactions after that.

But then it got me thinking: Why does the heart do what it does? Why does it know that you deserve so much more than what you have been given, but still connect with certain things or certain people? Why does the heart look at you and say, “Hey, I know you’re afraid, and I know it took you courage to run from here, but oh, how much you miss that space or that place”?

One thing I’m trying to appreciate more and give myself grace for is allowing myself to make mistakes. I’m in the last half of the first half of my thirties. And there’s such a crippling fear of getting it wrong.

I feel like I don’t have time to get it wrong. I don’t have time to make the wrong career move, relationship move, or spiritual move. And it’s not always a case of feeling like I’m going to let God down. Sometimes it’s a case of worrying that I would let myself down—that I would drop all my standards or forget who I am and what I stand for.

Some of it is unfounded, my anxiety. Some of it is my need—not necessarily to be perfect—but my need to not default to imperfection, or be comfortable with imperfection.

So yeah, I put a lot of pressure on myself. And in that instance, I realized there are still parts of my life that I miss. Parts of my life that I wish made more sense. Parts of my life that I wish I could sit down and talk about—with past friends, past lovers, past people.

Life is interesting.

While we’re on this topic, a story I’ll tell you is of a time when I once fell out with a friend, and we didn’t speak to each other for years—only for us to finally speak and the person said, “Oh my God, I’ve been yearning to talk to you for years, I’ve been wanting to say something, I’ve just been afraid.”

And I was sitting here, also crippled with my fear of rejection, not being able to say anything. You know, it shouldn’t have been an email.
It really shouldn’t.
It should have been a sit-down conversation, and maybe my heart wouldn’t have been able to take it. Maybe my heart would have burst out of my chest, or maybe it would have just stopped working.

I don’t know. Maybe I have to forgive myself and tell myself that I did try to communicate, I did try to express, I did try to forgive.

It’s crazy to feel so deeply hurt by someone that you care about or someone that you once held in high regard—and maybe you still hold them in high regard—but you’re just unable to see a pathway to healing.

Maybe I’ve said enough for you to pick your own message in there, because everything I’ve talked about has included platonic relationships, deep romantic relationships, or friendships that I thought would transcend youth, move into wisdom, and blossom into generations. But life happens—and it’s beautiful, chaotic, sad, and painful all in one.

The heart is weird because it maps, it connects, it wants, it longs for the connectivity to the past and the idea of what the future might look like. But none of it is smooth. None of it makes perfect sense. And sometimes you just have to wing it and hope that you’re going to get it right more times than you get it wrong.

Such is life. We meet people, we love them, they love us.
And then they block us or never like our posts for a whole year.
Oddly specific huh? Mind ya businesssss!

_________

I met a woman recently. And it’s interesting that I say that—for those of you who thought you were about to have some kind of “gotcha” moment or whatever, relax, you’re not.

But I met a woman I have been curious about for years, intrigued by for years, and somehow fearful of for years as well—only to meet her and find that not only does she seem to be a truly great person, she just seems like cool vibes.

You ever meet someone you were so sure you wouldn’t get along with, and then you meet them and you’re almost disappointed—not in the person, but in yourself—for being so basic in assuming that you wouldn’t get along with them or that it wouldn’t be a mutually beneficial experience?

We had a conversation, we had some quality time—again, not where you’re going with your mind—but someone to converse about life with, about work, about hobbies, about things like that.

It’s funny that even in that same interaction, to spend time with someone, to be intrigued by the person, they can still remind you that we’re still evolving and learning each other in our own ways. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone genuinely say to me that I was full of myself.

This person said that I give off the vibe that I’m full of myself—either because I “have it together” or appear to have it together. I find that hilarious because, one, I don’t feel like I have it together, and two, where is that coming from?

I strive very, very hard to have it together. It’s the reason I work so hard. It’s the reason I’m up late. It’s the reason I’m trying to deliver this blog post to you before I go to bed. I try not to let my standards drop in terms of the greatness that I show or how I present in the world.

But even in that time—even in having an amazing time and an amazing experience meeting this person and sharing space with them—it’s still a subtle reminder of life: we’re always learning.
We’re always learning each other, always learning ourselves, always evolving.

It was beautiful to have that experience all in one. On one hand, the person was talking and I thought, “Oh my God, we’re so alike on this and this and this.”
Then they said something else and I thought, “Oh yeah, we’re definitely different on that because I’m not thinking like that.”

I like experiencing life like that.

I think the biggest lesson to take away from meeting this person is: don’t let your fears or your perceptions of people hinder you from experiencing new things, new people, new domains. But at the same time, understand that you are evolving artwork.

You’re an evolving masterpiece that won’t look the same to everyone, won’t feel the same to even you sometimes, but you must continue pressing on with who you are and who you’re going to continue to be. Only you know who you truly are and who you’re designing your life to feel and look like.

In the journey you go along, make friends, make lovers, make memories, make time, make space, and be yourself. Enjoy yourself—because you are all you have.

Till we speak again, keep your head up and stay up.

Thank you for reading!



Please leave me a comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Among all the beautiful things in the world—growth and longevity included—is the concept of grace. I think it’s rooted in empathy, though I don’t believe they’re the same. Embodying empathy allows you to extend more grace to others, but grace stands on its own.

And I don’t always mean grace in the biblical sense. I’m talking about the kind that comes from simply understanding we’re human—our lives will evolve, shift, and fluctuate. Because of that, grace should be a fundamental part of your human currency. Let me tell you a story about how that’s shown up in my life.

A few years ago, one of the biggest tensions between my best friend and me was how often she’d call and I’d be too busy—or too tired—to really talk. From her perspective, it likely felt like I didn’t care, didn’t respect her, or didn’t value our time together. And, honestly, that’s a fair human reaction.

But as we’ve gotten older, the roles have flipped. These days, I’m probably more available than she is. In the time we’ve grown together, she’s switched careers, made a name for herself, and become a key player on her team. There’s more family responsibility on her shoulders now, and understandably, she has less time.

Now I’m the one calling and not getting through. I’m the one missing the connection, looking for that availability, while she’s doing her best—sometimes struggling—to balance everything and still show up for our relationship.

Here’s where grace comes in.

Grace doesn’t keep score. It doesn’t remember old favors so you can cash them in later. It recognizes the ebb and flow of life—the way things shift, the way demands change—and it offers compassion without expectation.

Grace says, I know life is a lot right now, and extends patience without needing anything back. It anticipates stress. It expects change. It accepts that the people we care about will sometimes be out of reach—and still shows up with open hands.

Years ago, I might have read this and not fully understood. Today, I do.

Please comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Hello, guys. Welcome back — and welcome to the first edition of What the Heck, Man? – Words of Wednesday for the second half of the year.

Yes, for the millionth time: the second half of the year begins in July. Not June. You June folks — please get it together.

The funny thing about this edition that you’re about to read—or hear—is that I’m writing it from a completely unexpected place. I didn’t plan to be here when crafting this particular post. But here we are. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the mid-year What the Heck Man update.

And honestly, it should probably start with the signature line: What the heck, man? Because… where did the year go? I feel like I just wrapped up the 2024 review a second ago, and now we’re halfway through a new year. So, let’s get into it—here’s a real account of how things have been so far.

If I had to sum it up in one word, I’d say: good. It’s had its turbulent moments, sure, but overall, it’s been steady growth. Some parts of life have gotten a lot clearer, while others have fully closed—or at least been shelved for now.

Physically and mentally, it’s been a grind. Between the gym and making a real effort to get back into therapy, I’ve been putting in the work. But unlike past years, I finally feel like I understand how most of this is supposed to function. And that’s something I’m actually proud of.

There are still a few things I’m figuring out—some pieces that have pushed me to dig deep in ways I hadn’t really acknowledged before. I recently saw a video from my friend Toni, and she said something that stuck with me: it’s easy to think you miss someone—or something—because of hope. But really, a lot of that longing comes from the rush of dysfunction, not the actual person.

When you slow down and start peeling back the layers, you begin to realize you don’t actually miss them. You miss the version of yourself that was still holding on to the potential. That clarity only comes when you sit with yourself long enough to ask the hard questions—and be honest with the answers.

If I leave you with one thought going into the second half of the year, it’s this: hope can be dangerous. Hope without action, growth, or signs of life is a waste. Because eventually, all that effort you pour in can come back empty. And worse still, the person or thing you were hoping for might turn around and say, who asked you to do all that?

So, remember that the next time you feel tempted to overextend yourself or compensate for people who are either unwilling—or maybe just unable—to meet you where you are.

On a brighter note, fitness has been going well. I’ve dropped some weight—not that it’s the main goal—but more importantly, I’ve gotten stronger. I’ve been consistent. And I think it’s finally time I give myself credit for that.

I Met Jacob Banks

In a very random but beautiful twist, I just met Jacob Banks — one of my all-time favorite artists. Top 3 for sure, maybe top 5. I had a full 15-minute conversation with him about music, touring, performing in Nigeria, and more. It was so surreal.

I ran into him while heading to my flight back to the States. We just ended up talking. It was one of those really organic, fulfilling moments that didn’t require a selfie or a picture. The most I did was FaceTime my best friend — who absolutely lost her mind — and she even got to say hi to him too. Wild huh?

Beyond that, the past 24 hours have just been good vibes only. I spent quality time with friends, did cool stuff, and yeah — I’m flying today at 11:20, but was out till 4 a.m., in bed by 5:30, and by then, the sun was already out. No regrets.

Rest Is Productive Too

What stood out most during this trip was prioritizing rest. I made a conscious decision to not open my laptop, to disconnect completely — and it was one of the best things I could’ve done for myself. Just a few hours from now, I’ll get back to it. But for now, I’m holding on to this space.

I traveled through Belgium, Germany, Luxembourg, Albania, and wrapped it up in London. Albania was the last stop before London — and honestly, it was the best leg of the trip for deep rest and true recovery. London, on the other hand, felt like I stepped back into myself — recharged and realigned.

---

All in all, I’m just feeling grateful. This mid-year check-in is a reminder to rest, be present, and embrace the unexpected. On to the second half — let’s make it count, shall we?

Are you comfortable being alone?

I don’t mean just being by yourself—I mean sitting in it. The dark. The stillness. The quiet hum of loneliness. The ache of longing. The parts of solitude that aren’t curated for aesthetics or ease. The moments that feel raw, maybe even a little heavy.

One of my best friends told me earlier this year, “You need to get more comfortable being alone.”
At first, it felt like a strange thing to say. I talk to people every day. My job requires it. My life is full of interactions. But here’s the twist: connection doesn’t always equal closeness. And presence doesn’t always mean partnership.

I’ve started to realize that part of the challenge of being human – especially one who loves deeply – is that sometimes, we reach for things we were never meant to hold on to. People. Ideas. Dreams. We cling not out of lack of self-love, but out of habit. Out of hope. Out of the desire to not feel the silence echo back too loudly.

But silence can be sacred.

I’ve also come to understand something hard and humbling: most adult relationships don’t fail because people stop caring. They fail because we stop communicating—clearly, vulnerably, honestly.
Not just with the other person, but with ourselves. We build castles together, brick by brick, dream by dream. But somewhere along the way, the signals get fuzzy. The messages change. And instead of leaning in, we dig our heels. We let ego lead. We take stances. We build walls.

And suddenly, you find yourself sitting across from someone who once felt like home, now needing a translator just to stay in the same room.

So I say this with love:
Sit down. Open up.
Feel it all. Talk through the fear. The misunderstanding. The need.
Let yourself be seen. Let yourself be held.
Choose relationships that can hold both truth and tenderness.
The ones that allow for uncomfortable, foundation-shaking conversations and still choose grace.

Summer is finally here.
And whether I mentioned this in my last post or not—I’ll say it now:
Plan something just for you.

A staycation. A solo trip. A weekend with your best friend. Even if it’s not this summer, book it anyway. Let it be your reminder that you matter too. That your peace is worth protecting. That you don’t have to apologize for putting yourself first—not this time.

You deserve that kind of care.
You deserve that kind of joy.
You deserve you.

Please comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

There are some mornings that are slow, 

some mornings that I don’t know

There are days where the sound that bellows through my world is a ceiling fan or the 20 trains of thoughts racing across the map vastly drawn by my experiences, interactions, footprints that I’ve registered all around the world. 

There are days where my right arm is asleep because it holds the head of someone graceful and comfortable enough to let their guard down and find solace in my throbbing bicep while I lay awake wondering when I would get invited into the version of safety that they feel as they silently snore next to me.

There are moments where the dance is beautiful but the music is sad and there are days where the steps are clumsy because the music brings so much joy, happiness as the tenor, peace like the unmissable but not pinching soprano. 

And then there are mornings like today where none of it 

and everything exists at the same time. 

There is no head on the pillow, 

there is no sleep within thine eyes, t

here is no joy dancing within my soul 

but then there is me 

there is God o 

and the comfort in knowing that if everything else fails you’re still loved by The One.

Now of course many of you reading this would say clearly you have a lot of love in your life and that is true. I’ve spent the last few weeks celebrating some of the people who are dearest to me and at the same time I found myself on the brink of the unknown. In the last couple of months I’ve been traveling everywhere and anywhere.

Home, 

abroad, 

close, 

far, 

present, 

absent. 

Much of it has felt like going through the busy and often unspoken part of building community – the showing up.

Invitations to life changing delicious Crème brûlée pancakes or dizzying pasta dishes that fill you up and remind you that there is love in food as much as there’s love in the people that you hold dear. I’ve been scheduling what is supposed to be my rest before my long next set of trips. I’ve found people try to find me while I’m finding myself.

There’s so much that’s going on in the world lately. I recently asked a friend why they thought more and more people have been visibly attracted to me. Now if you’re attracted to me and you’re reading this blog do not be discouraged – you are not alone. Cryinggggg Sanmi why are you like this? Okay, I am joking o.

Okay maybe not but let’s proceed.

If anything the fact that other people are attracted to me validates the point that you smart!* because people want what you want. You might be a visionary you might have wanted it first but you know props to you. At the same time it feels overwhelming because what is more beautiful than being wanted but not by the person that you want? 

You didn’t expect that one, huh? 

Now maybe that is my life.

Maybe it’s not. 

Who knows? 

Maybe I’m just saying that for dramatic effect as I write this. 

We’ll never know.

Joking, Am I? 

Read that last line backwards and rest LOL

But isn’t it so beautifully complex? One thing I’m learning to appreciate more and more as I get older is understanding how even in the beautiful interactions you have with certain people you are reminded that some people are there only for a moment, for time, for a season. And then some people like my best friends are for the entirety of the journey. 

A lifetime.

So back to that attraction thing. Now I’m not talking about like the unknown in terms of like you can’t tell if that person really likes you. I’m talking about some women be putting it on.

Now I also want to say this for the fellas. If you’re out there confused if you feel confused about whether or not she likes you, she doesn’t like you, bro. Or maybe you’re just not attractive enough.

I’m here to tell you the truth today. And I know majority of my readers are women. So for the few guys that are here, sorry that I had to break that truth to you.

But if you’re guessing? if you have to ask them? if you have to try to sort their actions to find moments that validate whether or not they like you, then odds are they might care, but maybe they don’t like you enough. Because one thing that has become very obvious to me in the last few weeks is that when a woman likes you, my brother, you go know. And the ones that have the confidence, the experience will find a way to make it obvious and then make the decision fall back into your court for you to decide what you want to do with that attraction.

And ladies, if you are confused or unsure if he knows you like him – then you have not made it obvious enough. 

 It is very hard for folks to reconcile the fact that I love to dress up, I have different talents that God has put in me – put a pin in that I’m going to come back to the talents in a second –  the fact that I’m good at a bunch of different things, I work hard, I try to take care of myself, it has been a lot.

Even in all of that, people don’t realize that I’m very shy. Oftentimes, I simply just want the gaze of the person that I want and I simply just want the gaze of the person that my gaze is fixed on.

And to have the overwhelming reaction, and I’m talking the grocery store, I’m talking the bank. Who goes into the bank anymore, by the way? There’s something about the uptick. And the only thing I can confidently attribute it to is the light of the Lord, because I don’t think that there’s anything unique that I do.

And maybe there are other guys out there that get way more attention than me, and I should just relax. But it has been quite a bit. And somehow, some people assume that it should make you feel higher in the world.

But if anything, it then brings on the pressure of the fact it’s not why I want to be seen. I want to be experienced in the world for the things that I am blessed with, my talents, my gifts, the fruits of the Spirit within me. And at this phase of my life, that is probably the second biggest area of pressure or stress, is that I do not feel like I am fully maximizing my talents the way I should.

Yes, I am writing and in the last few years, this is the most consistent I have written on this blog. And I still have a novel that I need to get to. Sanmi Saturdays is still a thing that I haven’t fully fleshed out just yet, and I want to.

But at least I’m posting on the blog. But I’m not editing the videos I should be editing. I’m not posting the pictures I should be posting.

I’m not sharing the other gifts that God has given me. I’m not singing at church like I used to  for over a decade.

I am not writing this book that I’m supposed to be finishing up. I feel like I am wasting my window, and I know folks would point to some people who made it in their 40s, and J.K. Rowling, and Chimamanda, and this person, and that person, and I get it. And I know God’s timing is the best.

But I also fully understand the folks who just get to their mid to late 30s, and they say, hey, I’m taking a year or two off work completely. And maybe I need to start considering doing that, because the work doesn’t let up. The better I get at my job, at doing my job, at delivering, I get more and more work put on my plate.

So there isn’t going to be a time where you’re going to just fully have nothing to do, which is where that depression comes in, because you have to make the time. So because I love to leave you all with a lesson, even while I have a therapy session with myself, this blog, here’s a lesson I would say – make sure you’re doing at least something.

At least one of the areas is being covered, and you’re doing something to further yourself. So if you’re not writing, maybe you’re reading. Maybe you’re mapping out what the process will look like eventually.

Just be doing something. Last but not least this week, I wanted to ask you all, does liking Instagram pictures, does it matter to you all? I don’t know what it is, but I have never been in a relationship or liked someone and deeply cared about who they were, liked. The only time that has happened to me was someone that I thought was physically more advanced.

I wouldn’t even say more attractive than me. I liked someone and I could tell that they were more invested in the fitness or lifestyle content of somebody else. And a little bit of jealousy crept in there.

But more than that, I think I use the app the wrong way, because I’ve been accused of “when I see baddies, your like is there.”

But for real, na non fine people I suppose dey like their picture?
I don’t know what it is, but I like everything on the app. There are some things that I don’t like.

Even an ex, if I saw a picture or video, something you posted that looks fire, I will like it. I think that is what the app is for, is to let people, is to acknowledge the creativity, the ability to compose either pictures or captions or videos or outfits and recognize that. So when I see that or when my explore page suggested to me, I will not hesitate to like it.

Now, you have to know me well enough to my core to know that I actually don’t care about those people or even some of my content. When I post certain things, I move on. I don’t go back to look at who watched.

I don’t go back to look at how many likes it got. The one I care about the most probably is when I make cooking videos, when I see a lot of saves, you know, either means I edited it well or I made it look appealing enough to others. And that I will always be proud of.

But outside of that, I don’t care. So imagine my frustration being questioned and I also think it’s important that in relationships, you don’t use always and never, because saying something like, “whenever I see a baddie, you’re always in their likes”

First of all, there’ll be weeks where I don’t post anything.

There are months where people have to reach out to me and be like, 

“hey, are you good?” 

“Are you on a break?”

“Why are you not posting?” So I don’t know. I wanted to ask you all, and maybe if there are fellas that are reading this, maybe you can chime in as well because of how you receive it with, you know, women. Because for example, I will say I don’t have the same reaction in terms of women when it comes to them liking men’s content.

I think it just feels like a lot more women use the app and a lot more women post. That’s just my perspective. I know as a heterosexual adult man, I am probably getting fed more  women’s content – pictures and videos.

I think that’s what Instagram thinks that I would want in this phase of my life. So less men, but I like the guys that follow me and I respect them. I like their content.

When I see it, I post it. I try to amplify it, but I’m curious to find out like, do people care that deeply? And is someone’s Instagram liking behavior indicative of the kind of person that they are? Because in my mind, I’ve seen people who don’t post anything at all, but they’re the biggest cheats. I’ve seen people who like everything and they don’t like me, who don’t even remember what they liked.

Like sometimes I go in the app, like I go once a day, like around midnight. That’s usually when I would end up posting my gym pictures and they’re done. And sometimes I just go to the reels tab and I like everything I see, or I go to my explore page and I’m like, Ooh, my friend follows this person.

I like that. And I just keep it pushing. 

I don’t remember it.

And then sometimes six months later, that same profile will repost something. And then I’ll be like, Oh, that’s a nice picture. And I click on it and I’m like, Oh, I’ve liked the picture of this person six months ago.

I don’t recall this, but still a nice picture though. Like it and move on again.

So I’m curious to find out is, is, is Instagram that serious to people? Um, I want to know. Anyways, last but not least, summer is almost here. It’s basically here.

If you haven’t been in the gym, if you haven’t been taking care of yourself or your diet, you probably have maybe a few more weeks to try to get right. Um, not saying that to overwhelm you or make you feel sad, but I actually brought that up to say, try to book something, even if it’s a staycation in your city. Um, even if it’s like a weekend trip, try to do something, get a change of scenery, afford yourself the time to rest.

If you can, you deserve it. You’ve worked hard so far for the first half of the year and you deserve a pat on the back. I’m pretty sure I would write to you all again before then, but if I don’t, here’s me telling you, take some time for yourself and let’s all be kinder to each other.

It’s been a hard working year – you and I deserve grace, kindness, rest, and love. 

So until next time,

Stay up!

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Sometimes I wonder, and I think about writing and posting on here. Another week, another Wednesday. Welcome to this week’s episode of Words of Wednesday with the one, the only, The Wordsmith.

I once hired an editor to edit some of my blog posts. Not entirely because I wanted someone to edit the grammar—shout out to all the AI tools that do that now—but because I wanted the person to summarize what each blog post covered and send it to me. Because if you’re in a particular season or frame of mind, it’s very easy to continue to speak on the same things over and over.

And I didn’t want a scenario where I was always writing to you guys week over week about the same things, not allowing myself to expand my mind beyond whatever it was I was thinking about.

So on today’s episode of Words of Wednesday, I’ll just go ahead and tell you what’s on my mind.

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“You need to go that department do your forensics and then come back”

As of the time of writing this blog post, my energy has been off.

And one of the beautiful things about being self-aware is that it allows you the opportunity for introspection—to sit down and do a sort of forensic analysis of everything happening in your life, or everything that may have happened to get you to that point.

For me, in thinking about why I’ve been feeling the way I have, it’s obviously been a very difficult month within my friend group and family. Work has been really tough. But at the same time, I know exactly why my mood is off.

Despite all the things I just mentioned, in most cases, I still make time to push through. But I find that with this particular subject matter—or when a particular person and I are not in active, positive engagement or conversation—my mood is off.

Now, some of you will try to speculate and figure out who that person is. I promise you, you won’t figure it out. But we know, right?

And the beautiful thing about that self-reflection is it made me think about all the places where I’ve ignored the promises I made to myself.

One of the challenges I find as I get wiser—and I hate the fact that I keep saying that in these posts, because I’m like, damn, I don dey old o—is that I want to offer something meaningful to my kids. I don’t want them to have to wait until I’m in my 50s, 60s, or 70s to know how I feel about them or about the realities of my world.

Because I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life documenting my truth, my experiences, my realities, and trying to keep a conversation going with my current and future self.

This week, I’m nursing a left shoulder injury. Work has been off the rails—off the chain busy, as well. Life has just been lifing.

But we keep pushing through. We keep trying to advance and move ourselves forward.

This week, I want to tell you guys a few things that reminded me of promises I’ve made to myself—whether it’s through therapy or just adulting in general.

For the first time in almost a year and a half, I opened my affirmation book cards and read them.

Initially, I stopped reading them probably because things got better—or I got busy. That’s one of the things about life: it never stops. Loving someone never stops. Loving yourself never stops. Being active in a relationship with God never stops.

You have to continue to actively work on it every single day.

Of course, I got comfortable and told myself it wasn’t necessary anymore—when in fact, that’s exactly when you should lock in more.

I’ve picked up a lot of lessons along the way in life. But one that continues to stand out came from a TikTok I saw a few years ago—and it’s changed almost every relationship for me.

The TikTok said:
“If they couldn’t speak, would their actions show you that they love you?”

Pause. Don’t think too deeply about it. Think about the immediate thought that comes to mind when you think about that person—and how they make you feel.

If they were silent for a week, would their dependability or thoughtfulness, without using words—make you feel seen and loved?

If they didn’t have money to send or didn’t buy you gifts, would the other things—how they care, show up, or hold space—make you feel loved?

I can’t tell you how many times just thinking about that has changed my perception and perspective on relationships.

I had to do that forensic analysis I mentioned earlier and ask myself some difficult questions: How do I feel with this person?

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….for the Ladies (and Gentlemen)

So ladies, take a moment.

If he doesn’t talk, does remembering the things that are important to you make you feel seen? Loved?

If he wasn’t complimenting your body, does the way he looks at you—with love and genuine affection, make you feel loved?

If she doesn’t cook for you, or she doesn’t get jealous, does that mean she doesn’t love you? Or does it just mean she expresses it differently?

It doesn’t always have to be romantic relationships either. Think about your friendships:

• How do they speak of you?
• How do they hold you in regard?
• Do they go out of their way to make you feel important?

I was talking to one of my really good friends the other day, and in the middle of our conversation, I mentioned something I was about to do for someone I care about.

He said, “This one… just use your head, sha. They will just use your head again”

And I thought to myself, Nah.

There’s a tendency, due to my natural predisposition to be generous and thoughtful, to continue being a doer. But I speak here all the time about reciprocity. I speak all the time about feeling seen.

All my life, and in all my romantic relationships, all I’ve ever really wanted was to feel seen.

And I don’t believe I’ve spent enough time truly seeking relationships that make me feel that way. In many of them, I’ve had to guess how they felt about me or make excuses for the lack of care they show me.

So I want to ask everyone reading this—especially the ladies:

If you have to ask them if they love you or even like you, shouldn’t that worry you?

There’s a tendency in today’s world to live at extremes. People are either super nonchalant or lovebombing you. You have folks who want you to move the earth before they even show that they like you.

But I don’t believe you need to wait. If your heart is pure, and you genuinely care, your natural instinct should be to show it.

If the person you love—man or woman—is having to ask how you love them, maybe you need to re-evaluate how you’re expressing it. Maybe you’re not speaking their language. Maybe you’re not loving them in the way they need.

So ask yourself this as we head into the second half of the week and into next week:

If you didn’t speak, would all the people around you know you care?

That question can apply to the present. But it can also reflect the past:

• Have you done enough in your current or past relationship for that person to trust that you care?
• What was the last thing you did to make yourself feel seen?
• Do you feel like you put the same vim and energy into your platonic relationships?

If not, it may not be too late.

Find out what’s important to them—whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, or simple consideration—and speak that language.

And I hope that even in your own silence, you would still feel loved—based on how you’ve shown up for yourself.

Till next time. Stay up.

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

How Would You Know Your Life Has Changed?

If your life changed—actually, let me rephrase—when your life changes, how would you know?

I always find it curious and interesting for us to understand the markers in our lives that indicate change. Does it mean more money? More access? A better friend group? A more accomplished circle? Maybe even more fame, to be honest. But I’ve come to understand that the change in our lives might not be obvious to everyone. If we drill down and look a little closer, we can often see significant indicators of how our lives have changed—or improved.

It’s a little past noon. One team in England just won the Premier League title. We’re not going to say their names, but congratulations to my youngest brother and his team on their accomplishment.

My Uber is on its way. The Uber ride from Brooklyn to New Jersey—an eight-mile drive—is going to cost me $140. Now, somebody will probably ask me, “Why didn’t you take the train?” Well, the train would have taken me an hour and 40 minutes total. I guess there were some delays. But here’s the issue: it’s not about the money, nor is it about the time.

I feel a little bit feverish—just because I feel like my emotions and my heartstrings have been tugged significantly over the last few days. I’m not in New York for a great springtime event or to have night brunches, even though I was able to work one or two into the schedule. I came here for a more somber and sober experience.

But more importantly, being able to be here at this time is one of the most significant indicators that my life has changed.

You see, I came here to support someone I care about. And historically, when I think back to similar situations years ago, I was either the “I-support-you-with-prayers” or “that’s-crazy” type of friend. But being able to rise up and be present for my friend through this situation has reminded me that my journey is not linear—and that progress is not always directly connected to joy.

What I mean by that is: this situation is not joyful. It’s not joyful at all.

But being able to show up and wrap support around the people you love should bring you joy. It does bring us joy. By far, it’s one of the biggest indicators that my life has changed.

Like I said before, whether it was long-distance friendships or even relationships or family situations that had you on the other side of the world when your closest people were going through important things—something about being able to be physically present, and not just physically present, emotionally present… to have the emotional capacity, the bandwidth, the empathy—all of those things are signs of growth.

For me personally, empathy has been one important sign of growth. When I was much younger—or even a few years ago—whenever something would happen, my first thought would be, “Oh, that sucks for that person.” But then I would be so invested in what was going on in my own life and in my own world that I don’t know that I was always the best at showing up or supporting the person in the way they needed.

So you can imagine that this bumpy ride to the airport has given me much-needed perspective and gratitude—even in sadness—to be able to say thank you to God for how much my life has changed, and for how much the lives of those around me have changed.

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Pivoting here—I have a question for you.

How would you know that the person who loves you, loves you?

Yes, there are days where I see couple pictures on Instagram or Twitter, and I honestly just roll my eyes because… are you the first to be happy? But I’ve come to find that as we go through our hierarchy of needs, community and companionship become significantly more important as our lives evolve.

And some days, I want that. I don’t want it at the expense of my individuality, nor do I want it at the expense of my sanity.

But how would you know that you are loved by someone romantically?

I’d love to find out from you. So if you could, write it in the comments section. It could be how you knew somebody you cared about loved you. It could also be how you found out that someone you cherished prioritized you.

I’d love to know. So leave it in the comments section.

I think that as I get older and wiser, it’s important to understand that love doesn’t always show up in the forms we’ve been conditioned to appreciate—whether through Disney or even through watching our own families. Oftentimes we love to try to map our own story based on what we’ve seen—our parents, our uncles, our aunts, or even our friends.

But the truth of the matter is: your love story, for what it’s worth, has to be unique.

Your love story has to be what you want it to be and what you make it to be.

More importantly—and I’ll say that again—your love story has to be what you make it to be.

So if you want romance, if you want to be swept off your feet—be light on your feet to be swept off. If you want romance that is divinely expressive, full of love through words and actions, well—get that muscle ready.

Start writing so you can be the lover you want to be. Start writing so you can be the lover you want for yourself.

Too often today, many men and women are not the version of themselves that they would date or want to spend the rest of their lives with—but they demand that in other people.

It’s important that before the requests or the demands become known, you have mastered being that lover for yourself. Being that truth for yourself.

So today I ask you: how would you know that you are loved?

But let me be more specific with that question.

How would you know that you are loved based on how you love yourself?

Something for you to think about today.

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Last but not least—summer is coming up pretty fast.

By the time you read this, it will be the last day of April. You more than likely have maybe two months to get as close as possible to the body that you want.

Lock in.

Not just lock in mentally—lock in physically. Lock in financially.

Nobody has ever said this statement before:

“For summer, we go sweet.”

Not “For April, you go no.”

Lock in.

And have a great week ahead of you.

Tell me something you have in your life right now that you didn’t have in 2019?

What are your shareable plans for the summer?

How do you know when you are romanctically loved?

Till next time, stay up!

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Did you not hear how loud we cheered
How the joy drowned out the fear
Oh how you let the memories drift
Of how you attracted fans from many streets
Near
And there
They all came to see your light
Did you forget the prayers I said over you?
Safely embracing you between how toughened walls
Telling you stories of how I knew you would be great
Because God promised me
The Heavens affirmed it
Before morning affirmations became fashion
Did you forget how the love I have for you
Beamed from my chest more than I could imagine
How your smile whispered it back to me
Your gentle snuggles softened me
I am sorry life made you forget
How you’ve had love that simply required your existence
That I gave you a name that demands respect
First from thyself
Then everyone with breath
I am sorry you slept on it
Your tabernacle of many promises
You, my love
Deserve to be filled with a love that promises
Not to change or exceed
But to be true and present
Never forget
That the first love you knew
Calmed your nervousness
Before you became used to the system of anxiety
The love I pray for you is one that is true
First to itself and then to you
Because remember, I told you…

– “a mother’s reminder that you deserve a recognizable love that knows it wants to find a home within you”

I often dream of what it will be like
To have our hearts in sync
Beating in proclamation and adoration
Tick after tick
Heralded as one
Together in a fluid bond
That grows and softens
As the love between us strengthens
I picture
Wide awake
The views from hilltops
Do you feel the warmth
Of the kissing sunset and the ocean glow
Like your gloss left between my lips
Does our love make you feel just as alive
Each day
As the sun reintroduces its familiar glory
I long for the days when we share a name
Answering same
United by God’s grace and warm embrace
Oh I dream of the day
You become…

“Untitled” by Sanmi Adewunmi

The Gentle Invasion

It’s never really barnstorming or breaking and entering like a Wild Wild West movie, where the cowboys come in the middle of the night and take over. It’s mutual. You open the doors — and you let them in. Sometimes, you even offer water, food, or shelter. A place to lay their head next to you, in the bed you made home.

You see, the thing about this spectacle called love — this romance, emotion, and everything in between — is that everyone is at a party, but most are dancing to very different tunes.

The Perfect Routine Isn’t Perfect

Some want that cinematic 90s love: slow motion rays of sunshine, the perfect meet-cute. But no one wants to break a sweat. Everyone craves a perfectly choreographed routine, forgetting that to dance well, you’ve probably stubbed your toes a few times. Tripped over yourself in front of the big mirrors. Forgotten the counts. Missed the beat. Missed your heartbeat.

But it’s all part of the show. The beauty of a performance isn’t in its flawlessness — it’s in the effort. Every toe stub, every misstep, is part of what makes the final product your best performance yet.

Where Do We Miss It?

So where do we miss it? Why do we pretend we don’t want love, while low-key craving it more than anything?

You might be sitting there waiting for that man to text you. To check on the thing you told him about two weeks ago — the meeting, the pitch, the presentation. But he hasn’t. Meanwhile, he’s busy trying to convince someone else — someone uninterested or unavailable — that his love is worth receiving.

And you? You’re scrolling his Instagram. Again. Falling harder in his absence.

Or maybe you’re the man who swore this would be the year you’d settle down. Choose peace. Choose yourself. But of course, the only person you’re drawn to is someone who’s too afraid to love or believes every man with something dangling between his legs is set out to hurt her.

Sugarcane

So I ask you — what is it that makes it so hard to love yourself truly?

Why is it easier to stand there, pen in hand, waiting for the approval of someone whose eyes have never looked your way?

Why do we keep showing up at shops that never wanted our business?

It’s confusing, isn’t it?

How often we chase things that are not meant for us. How, in our youthful ambition, we believe we can be the exception — the explorer who softens hearts, the discoverer of hidden affection. But as you discover over time, you come to find that the best love stories are the ones where each person realizes that the fairy tale is only made real by the amount of effort you both put in.

The fairy tales you admire — your aunt and uncle’s 40-year marriage, your friend’s ride-or-die — they were built. On communication. On commitment. On choosing one another every single day. On being intentional.

The rise and the fall. The tone. The showing up even when it’s hard. None of it comes easy.

The Question Behind the Question

I ask you, as you read today’s piece, to ask yourself: the next time somebody asks you to introduce yourself — like many of us — will you start with what you do for a living? You’ll start with your career, your titles, the work that you do. And oftentimes, I would scold people for answering that question that way, because the question is what do you do, not what is your title?

But for the sake of this particular conversation, the next time somebody asks you what you do for a living, I want you to pause as you finish your answer and think about every single element of your life at that particular stage.

Think about your career. Think about what you own. Think about where you are. And then ask yourself: which part of that came easy? Which part of those initials behind your name came easy? Which part of the hard work that you have put into your body — the tear that you have soaked the soil with, that grew these beautiful trees and fruits the world can now see — what part of that was easy?

I reckon the truth is probably none of it. But the whole world admires it. The whole world yearns for it.

So what makes you think that the inner parts of what you seek are simple or easy? I told someone recently that love brings ease — but loving someone, including yourself, is not easy.
It is so much easier to give up. I know society today glorifies “ease” – anything that remotely requires extra effort. Some even hide behind sayings like “what is meant for me will come to me”.
While mostly true – nothing truly good comes without requiring some effort. Some energy.
And then maybe that is where the lesson is – if they do not want to put the energy into you – that is your answer. They don’t truly want you.
If one day, they say you are so great and the next they watch you in tears and let you leave? They never wanted you.
Good requires work. Great requires work+luck+God.

I think of my relationship with God and how that needs to mirror my love life. God never gives up on us.
No matter how much we try to push him away. In his grace, the door stays open. The door is open for you.
But at the same time, we have to choose to live right by him. The fact that he loves us unconditionally does not mean that he doesn’t require us to put in the work.
I hate to break it to you but if they don’t want to put in the work, if YOU don’t want to dig deep in you and put in the work for that person – then you don’t love them.

So today, I ask that you love yourself a little bit extra, but I also ask that you realize the level of intention it will take to be loved the way you want to be loved. That gorgeous IG couple you love so much – they put in work. Whether it was being intentional about communicating or saving money for long distance – true love is built.
And the great l
And then I recommend that the same effort you have put into your life to get to where you are today — you channel that into that particular space of your life — and watch what it yields.

Again this week, I want to thank everyone that has been reading and commenting so far, I really appreciate it. To close this week’s post, here are some questions I would love if you could answer in the comments section below –

What part of your life did not come easy, but is now something you’re deeply proud of?

Do you believe love should be easy… or intentional?

What does loving with intention look like in your life today?

Till next time, stay up!

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan

Man shall not live by bread alone. Well, he may not live at all but if he does, I will make sure he has no bread.

Tinubu, 2023

It’s been a sluggish morning—one of those where you have to roll yourself into action like an aging coffee maker.
Slowly grinding.
I slept really late last night after getting into a heated conversation with one of my favorite people in the world.

Pleasant?
No.
Necessary?
Yes.
So you can imagine my slight frustration and surprise as I rolled around and realized it was only 6 AM. Essentially, I had been asleep for about four hours.

I had a doctor’s appointment last week where they asked how much sleep I get every night. Before I could answer, my heart sank completely because I knew that as soon as I said the number out loud, I would get that look from the physician assistant. And lo and behold, I did. Slightly disappointed, but almost like an older sibling or a parent looking at you, saying, This is bad, but you can do better. And better is what I want.

I want to sleep better, to sleep through the night. Part of that comes from my dedication to going to bed early and not being a night owl. That means making sure the dominoes fall the right way—like eating dinner at a healthy time. I’ve been trying to eat before 8 PM this year. By doing that, I can get in bed, stay off my phone, slowly convince myself to sleep, and voilà—it’s 10 PM, and I’m already knocked out.

The problem? I’ve built up such a habit of staying up late that on the days I do sleep early, I not only miss out on conversations with some of my favorite people, but people start wondering if something is wrong.
Guys, me sleeping early doesn’t mean anything is wrong.
I’m just getting old.

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Anyway, today, I was standing in the kitchen, and I wanted to tell you all about my love for omelets. But before I get into that—obviously, omelets aren’t entirely what I’m talking about. I’m talking about more than just eggs (which, by the way, are expensive these days).

There’s been a huge dialogue on social media—both in Nigeria and America—about the price of eggs.
Well, both countries have made their questionable choices. One elected an idiot, and the other allowed an idiot to steal the future of many kids and half a generation. But that’s not why we’re here.

A few weeks ago, one of my absolute favorite people was at my home. While I was finishing up my morning workout, I got a text message that read: Would you like an omelet? I’m making one.
As someone who rarely eats breakfast, my first thought was, Yay, I get to eat!

But more importantly, Yay, somebody is making the food, so I don’t have to worry about it. And very quickly, I thought to myself, Huh, I should eat more. But again, not why we’re here.

The omelet was so good that I have since made an omelet almost every single day I’ve worked from home in the last two to three weeks. One key part of my fitness goals is understanding that I need to eat breakfast consistently. It sets the tone for my day and helps me stay on track. But often, by the time I get back from the gym, I either have to rush into a meeting or I’m just not in the mood to eat—so I skip it.

That day, I was so grateful to be asked that simple question because, one, it meant I could eat, and two, I loved the feeling of being taken care of.

A major frustration for me as I get older is feeling like I pour so much into the people around me, but I don’t always feel that energy reciprocated in ways that speak directly to my heart. Note that I didn’t say people don’t care about me—I just said I don’t always get those gestures in the way I want to receive them.

So yes, the omelet was fantastic. I had breakfast. It was a great start to the day. But here’s the thing about that omelet: in making one every day, I’ve been able to stay on track with my fitness goals and rekindle my love for food in a way I hadn’t in a long time.

I never made a lot of breakfast foods because, growing up and in college, I always felt like eating breakfast made me sleepy. And I wanted to be alert in class. So I wouldn’t eat, then I’d be starving by the evening and overeat. You know the cycle.

So, being able to re-engage with my relationship with food has been fun and helpful. But why did I start talking about this omelet? Because I think it’s important to allow people to show us love in ways we may not fully understand—simply because they love us.

We often want to control how love manifests in our lives, but it doesn’t have to be grand or big.

To the person who made me the omelet—thank you. But more importantly, thank you for just being you. Who knows? Maybe they were just hungry and knew I had more eggs than they did. (I joke, I joke.)

But the reasoning doesn’t matter. What matters is I got my omelet. I got some breakfast. And I’m appreciative of it. So this week, I want you to allow yourself to receive love in the little things. And maybe, just maybe, have some eggs.

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Now, back to reality. As I write this, I need to finish washing dishes and start my day. It’s 7:03 AM. I’ll return after I’m done.

(7:09 AM) Before I started washing the dishes, I really didn’t want to. I woke up groggy, a little heavy. I just wanted to get ready, go to the gym, then to the office, and call it a day. But I’ve been working on consistency—like making sure I don’t leave dishes in the sink.

There was a time I was so busy that I completely forgot to do the dishes before a trip. When I got back three weeks later, there was a used wok in my sink. Thankfully, it was dry, so no bacteria grew—but still.

So, standing at the sink today, I debated skipping it. Who’s gonna check me? But then I reminded myself: Your desire for greatness will never outwork the effort required to be great.

It might just be dishes, but apply that to anything in your life. That life you imagine? The relationship you want? Your desire for it will never be greater than the work required to build it.

It only took six minutes to wash those dishes—six minutes that will make my evening so much better when I return home to a clean sink. Small actions add up.

So whatever you’re chasing in life, just start. Be methodical. Be consistent. And don’t let the urge to procrastinate win.

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Lastly, a quick complaint about one of my favorite brands. Rihanna, I love you. I know you’re never dropping another album. You’ve been lying to us for years, and we’ve accepted it.

But I need to say this: men want pockets in our sleepwear!

I love the fit of Savage Fenty. The fabric is luxurious. The colors are top-tier. But there are NO pockets. Why? Men like pockets. We need pockets.

You gave us a tiny chest pocket. What am I supposed to do with that? Sleep with my phone in my chest? Come on, Rih. Do better. Thank you very much.

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Anyway, thank you for reading. And shoutout to me for being consistent and posting this on time.

Stay up.
Avoid trouble. And do a little extra toward the greater you.
You’ll be better for it, and so will the world around you.

Peace.

Comment, repost and share. Thank you for your continued support.
You are highly appreciated.

#WordsOfWednesday

© 2025 #WhatTheHeckMan