Safe

#WordsOfWednesday

Safe.

I never believed in miracles
But I believed in you
My eyes glued to the door
It was like I was expectant
But then not
The hours ticked on
But the door stood firm
Shut
My phone wouldn’t buzz
And when it did
It wasn’t your call
So slowly
Optimism was replaced with hurt
A dawning realization that to you
I am not worth much
And it hurt
The tears couldn’t paint the right picture
I closed my eyes and tried to forget
And then I heard footsteps
Flinging it wide open
I scanned the hallway in both directions
Juliet was walking closely with Roscoe her dog
She turned and said hello
But it’s back in
Into a home that is now empty & extremely cold

Where is it?
Where is that place that you drift to?
The place you run to.
The place where you feel your feet on the ground or in the water
Where you can hear and feel your heartbeat
Where is the place where you feel safe?


For some people “Home” is where safety lies. Home can be a place or a person.
For others, it’s in religion, faith, work, relationships or just within themselves.

Do you know your safe place?
A little while ago, I had a conversation with someone who was very impressed by the fact that I knew where my safe place was.
I like waterfronts.
There is a serenity that they bring to me.
I love overlooking the water and seeing my thoughts fly. I love dreaming about how far in life I will go.

I have been one to find safety in my talent and my output.
The issue with that is this, as a creative, you pour so much of yourself out into your art and craft, so if people do not appreciate it, you are left reeling and sometimes spiraling.
So I learned to find safety in stable things.
The unshakable things like the purity of my soul.

So what is your safe place?
When you drift and the war of the world wages, where do you go and feel covered?

Another place I always feel safe in is the place of worship.
When I am really down and I cannot pray, I tend to just start singing worship songs.
Once I get into it, the tears typically flow and before you know it, I can pray and ask to be covered.
But sometimes, why is it so hard to go to the place of safety?
It is a familiar space, so why is it so hard to go there?


What happens when the person that is your safety becomes the stressor?

This place is hard.
It can feel deflating. You have loyalty to them, so you honestly can’t and shouldn’t let outside eyes and ears in.
But how do you deal?
When you just want to call them and let it all out but they are picking fights and making loving them so hard.
That really is when you decide to be intentional about love – for them and for yourself.
Have you ever been locked outside your own home, and there is someone inside refusing to open the door for you?
That is what it feels like to be held back from entering your safe place.
When the person you lean on is trampling on you, it can feel – helpless.

It is so important to find that safe place.
No, that bottle of wine you picked up on your way from work is not it.
Being in his arms one night out of the month is not it either. Obsessively shopping ain’t it either.
It has to be stable, it has to be able to fill you up and recharge you without leaving you wanting more.

So what is your safe place?

Leave a comment below and let me know.

Black.Gay.Waiting Part 4 out on Saturday!
Watch this space!

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.