The Big 30 (Minus 3)

The Big 30 (Minus 3)

It’s 5:02am and I up!
Super thankful to God for another year and just stoked to try and achieve more of my dreams in 2018.

I always pray a prayer; I thank God for being faithful even when I am faithless and unfaithful.
That prayer means so much to me because it is thanking God for being God but also reminding myself to be better.

I’m up. It’s my 27th birthday today and I feel blessed.
Most of my friends usually have what I like to call the “birthday blues” around their birthdays and for the first time in my life, I experienced what that felt like yesterday.
Randomly, I went into a funk. I started to question and dissect my life, my happiness.

A part of me was missing my parents, my siblings and some of the friends I hold dearest to me.
There was also this sense of emptiness that tried to fill me up. Weird right?
But thankfully, I was able to circle back into the things I appreciate about life and the life God has given me.

I am a heavily flawed man.
Some think I am short tempered, I am not always patient, I can be dismissive and I really can’t f-cking stand puff puff. And I’m going to bald soon! Ughhhhhh!
So yeah, I am a flawed man.

But I also love really hard, forgive easily, fight for those I love and I will go to bat for any of you!
My story is not perfect but the best part is that it is not complete.
God is still working on me and I am thankful he has you on my ride.

Today, I celebrate God in me.
Humbled by his grace, love and mercy. I truly thank God for not giving up on me.
Yup! I said I wasn’t going t cry but I typed that and the floodgates opened! Where is Sonny Badu when you need him.
But my God has been so faithful.
26 was good. Challenging but good.
27 can only be better.

To mark today, I am going to give you guys 3 sides of me.
Please never let the chronological expectations of life rob you of your birthday glow! And please do something you will be proud of in 2019. Read my 2018 mantra – Sink OR Swim here and then take the leap!

From the desk of The Wordsmith, it’s a very special edition of WordsOfWednesday! Happy Birthday to Me!

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1.

THE FLAWED ME

It’s clear
My mistakes are like a parking ticket.
After driving fast and evading reality
It caught up to me when I was parked trying to walk and not run.

I am like Adam.
Stealing from God, betraying his trust and rejecting his favor
Ungrateful son
Putting myself to the sword
It feels good
To return home like a prodigal son

I tried to sneak back in
The alarms went off
He saw me from a mile and around the corner
Like my pops
He didn’t say much
I knew I had done wrong
So I snuck into my room and cried
When I emerged, he had dinner ready
The keys to his ride
To a higher place

He didn’t speak about my mistakes
He didn’t have to, I knew
We knew
I just had to not make them again

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2.

“You Are God” – Nathaniel Bassey
(feat. Chigozie Achugo)

You are God from beginning to the end
There’s no place for argument
You are God all by yourself
You are God from beginning to the end
There’s no place for argument
You are God all by yourself

You’ve got times and seasons in your hands
You called for light out of darkness
You don’t need a man to be the God you are
But you have chosen to call me your own

There is something about this song. It makes me so humbled by where I am today.
Sometimes I think back to all of the lows in my life and how I thought I would never pull through. From heartbreak to betrayal to backsliding, God has always got me.
It is so humbling and scary that someone can love you through all of the “everything”. So I wanted to share this song with you all.
The lines in song that really get me are

You don’t need a man to be the God you are
But you have chosen to call me your own

Like this God really took me through it all and doesn’t need any man or what any man says to be amazing to me. I am so grateful.
I am far from perfect and evolving but it is so comforting to have a God that will never forsake me.

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3.

27 THINGS ABOUT THE WORDSMITH

1. When was the last time you cried?
   This morning. Panic not, I was just overwhelmed by how good God is and how loved I am.
2. Do you have any special talents?
   WHATHECKMAN! 😊
3. Do you have any siblings?
   3 absolute rockstars!
4. How would you describe your fashion sense?
   London living Bachelor with NY taste and Italian Influence who still wants you to know that omo naija ni mi
5. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?
   Hola Hola by Sugarboy
6. What sound do you love?
   The sound of my direct deposit hitting my account.
7. What is your favorite form of exercise?
   Partner exercises. 👀
8. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for?
   Pleasure P.
9. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
   My car.
10. What story does your family always tell about you?
    My mom loves this story but when I was a little kid somewhere between 2-3, I had bow legs but I Was cute as shit! (yes, she includes this in the story) Anyways, we had a TV in their bedroom and in the living room, so I would turn on both of them and then run back and forth between rooms to try and see if the Tv’s were showing the same exact thing. Of course by the time I made it around the corner, the frames would have changed but yeah, young me.
    For the sake of today, I’ll tell you lot another one but my mom always talks about growing up as a kid, I would always come to her with a smile. No matter what happened the say before. I would be singing and barge into any room in the house with a song in my mouth. And when I am around my parents, it still happens.
11. When was the last time you had an amazing meal?
    Brethren, it depends on what kind of meal we are talking about. 👅😴👀
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
    As per sey 27 never grown abi? Okay o, I sha want to be impactful. No matter what I lay my hands on, I want to positively change lives.
13. If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be?
    A way to bring free education to all the kids in Africa.
14. What would you do if you won the lottery?
    Short answer:- Change lives
    Long answer:- Hennessy ti wo body!
15. What do you do when you’re not working?
    Be alone, write, listen to music and talk to my friends. Also started watching sermons on Youtube again, so yeah that too.
16. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?
    Someone to talk through their problems with and bounce ideas off. Wide range of things to be honest.
17. What is your favorite way to relax?
    Laying on my carpet in my living room and not being spoken to.
18. What social customs do you wish would just disappear?
    Basically, anything that marginalizes or oppresses women.
19. What is your favorite holiday?
    Touring Europe with Itafe.
20. Tell us one of your bad habits!
    I am very stubborn. And sometimes when I form opinions about something and I feel strongly about it, I rarely change my mind. I can be dismissive. I am a horrible texter (blame this on people that write me essays tho). I forgive people that have repeatedly burned me.
21. Favorite memory from childhood?
    Christmas at my grandfather’s house with all my cousins from all over the world.
22. Favorite smells?
    Cologne. A particular brand of perfume that a friend of mine wears. Just anything clean or from Bath and Body Works.
23. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
    How they treat other people, how loud their voice is or isn’t. Teeth as well. Does it appear clean or not?
24. What terrifies you the most?
    That I am a fraud or that I won’t maximize the potential I see and people see in me.
    I was really bullied and taken advantage of as a kid. Boarding school was initially rough. It stuck with me.
    Self-esteem issues and confidence issues. Maybe that’s why I am never able to enjoy my successes, I am always looking over my shoulder. Worried about the drop. I never understand why people like me or are fascinated by me. I think I am a decent host and writer or singer. People want me to write a book but I worry like it failing will break me and reinforce my fear of not being good enough, so I have stalled on it. But yeah, I don’t think I am handsome, I don’t get what people see. And I think all of that came from those childhood feelings. So there you have that.
25. How much control do you really have over yourself?
    Too much. Sometimes I just need to let myself live.
26. How would you describe yourself in 5 words?
    Flawed. Talented. Emotional. Loving & Shy.
27. What makes you smile?
    Honestly, making you and all the people I love smile in every extension of myself.

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Thank you for always supporting me and being here with me!
Here is to an AMAZING 2018 for all of us! From The Wordsmith and all of WhatTheHeckMan ~ I love you all!

Bless.

Come back next week for Part 4!
#BGW #SanmiSaturdays #WTHM

© 2018 #WhatTheHeckMan