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Chainsaw (Ramones Cover) by Niia
The dirt flying up onto my boots
The raindrops forming patterns on the ground as they smacked the Earth
The clouds announced their partnership with thunder.
It was wet.
I moved my right leg and cleared the dirt of the headstone.
This was my ritual.
I was always here. It was like my job.
I bent down and placed the flowers on the headstone. Positioning them to make sure the wind didn’t blow it away.
I came here every morning.
I have missed 18 days in the past five years. And on those days, I hated being away.
This place spoke loss to the world.
This space was where I felt the most complete.
I fixed my scarf. My precious scarf
Holding my umbrella intact over my head.
I looked around and began to walk out.
I arrived at the bus stop right outside the cemetery.
I sat down on the bench and lowered my umbrella. The rain was slowly letting up and the skies clearing.
It was 6.48am.
A few minutes later, the bus arrived.
I got on the bus and I looked at my hands.
The bus was empty.
Symbolic of my life, I looked around.
Every day, I was reminded of the emptiness that had engulfed my soul. This was my story.
So empty. So dark.
The rain, I hated so much but I was stuck in Seattle.
“Rain City” some called it.
But my heart remained flooded with pain, darkness and emptiness.
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The bus pulled up and I got out.
“Morning Ms Lewis”
“Good morning Ms. T”
Greetings filled the air from the students. I slowly made my way into the building.
“Good morning, Suso”
I greeted one of my students.
“How are you today?”
He looked up to me and smiled.
I cleaned off my shoes and I made my way into the classroom as he followed me closely behind.
I opened the door and the kids flocked in. I placed my umbrella in the corner behind my desk and sat down.
And I took in a deep breath.
It was go time.
I picked out the list and the bell rung.
Class was about to start. I began to take roll in my 7th grade class.
Tony. I looked up like I always did every day when I called his name. He was not my favourite kid in the class but his name always took me back.
I looked around the class and made eye contact with my favourite kid in the entire school.
Of course, he was in my class.
I continued taking roll and I looked back at the list.
Another deep breath and then the next name
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The kids were the life, the driving force behind me waking up each day. Through my darkest days, the obligation I had to always show up for them, kept me going.
But they were only half of what I needed.
They filled me up during the day but I always left and the emptiness continued.
I sat in the break room staring at my bowl of Lean Cuisine as it heated up and then my mind drifted.
I rubbed my scarf as I began to think about the most important night in my life.
He looked at me as he dug his fork into the slice of the Oreo Pizookie sitting between us. He cut a piece of it and lifted his head as he directed the fork towards my mouth.
I opened my mouth with a smile expecting delivery of the goods but he swirled his hand around like a parent feeding their child and playing airplane.
The warmth of the cookie hit the back of my mouth as the cooling sensation of the ice cream followed swiftly. Some of it almost dripped out of my mouth as I swung my tongue out to catch it
I looked up and noticed Tony looking at me with his tongue out also as if he was trying to catch the ice cream falling out of my mouth with his tongue.
I smiled and he said
“You’re just too beautiful”
I giggled and tried to hold back from blushing. I replied as I swallowed
“Even when I’m trying to stop ice cream from dripping out of my mouth?”
He beamed a smile back at me and said
That was Tony. He was always complimenting me.
From the big hugs when I returned sweaty from the gym or early in the morning on my way to work; his words of affection were always warming to my heart.
He made me feel beautiful and made want more of his presence. I just wanted to be with and around him.
The way he looked at me was how I looked at my first pair of red bottoms.
His eyes always seemed to say “I can’t believe you’re actually mine”.
This great man was seated here and making me feel special – when I tried to understand it, I never understood it.
I just accepted the fact that this was my luck that a man so assured in himself and open to loving me, held nothing back as he drowned himself in me.
“When are you going to the County with the proposal?”
I asked and waited for a response as he chowed down the slice of pie in his mouth.
“We’re going in on Monday morning.
He licked his fork and then said
“I’m actually kinda nervous but I’m sure they will see the work we have done and something positive will come out of it.
Even if we don’t push it through, just ensuring that the process of creating opportunities for those kids is enough reward”
I actually felt my heartstrings pulled. What The Heck Man
“Babe, you know you’re amazing and the work you have done is everything and more.
3 years of research and all that preparation, I am sure you will do great.
And when you do, you can come over and I’ll make your fav. And then we can do that thing you like, you know… with the baby oil?
Yeah.. we can do that
Or we can do that first and then eat, whatever you prefer”
I winked at him and he smiled back. This was the man I wanted to spend my life with.
Dedicated to changing the lives of kids in the inner city. For the last 3 years, he worked with the teachers and lawmakers to approve funding for underprivileged kids to get after-school programs.
The meeting on Monday was to present the final findings that highlighted the importance of art, music, sports and tutoring in the lives of kids. I was always so turned on when he talked about the work but motivated by his progress each day at the same time.
I wanted to create greatness with him.
Without a shadow of doubt in my heart, this man had all of me. I just hoped he knew that every day.
The hostess returned with the check as she began to clear our used plates off the table. He picked it up and looked at it.
It was his birthday; he knew I wasn’t going to allow him to pay for it. I glared at him and he said
“Calm down love. I was just checking our total”
I smiled as he flashed that gorgeous smile of his at me one more time and placed the folder on the table. I picked it up and opened it up, placing my card in it before placing the folder back on the table.
We were looking at each other when he stretched his hand across the table and reached out to me. He placed my hand in his and he slowly said
“This was the best birthday ever. Thank you for everything baby. I love you.”
“You’re welcome my love”
I was beaming so hard. And my stomach was turning with happiness and all.
I was so in love.
Then he said
“Can we stop somewhere on our way home. I need to show you something”
I looked up at him as he was now standing. Like can you believe this man?
“Is this a surprise?”
He smiled and said cheekily
I couldn’t believe it but this was my man. Surprises on his own birthday!
He was never big on his birthday but the fact that he had something set up for me was just crazy.
Another wave of excitement washed over me. I got up and he helped me with my coat.
We walked out of the restaurant into the night with the remainder of his cake. In my right hand and he held my left hand in his right hand.
We just trudged slowly towards his car. When we arrived at the car, he walked with me to my side of the car and opened my door.
I lowered myself into the car and he closed the door.
He walked back to the car to the driver’s side of the car. He was about to get into the car when a man walked up and said
I assumed it was just a homeless guy asking for money, so I was about to get on my phone. I knew that he was going to pull out his wallet and give him some money and we would be on our way.
He responded and said
The man said nothing as he came closer to Tony. I don’t think for a second Tony was afraid of the man or worried about his safety.
The man continued to approach with the hoodie covering his head and his hand in the pockets.
Tony turned around into the car and asked me
“Babe, do you have any cash?”
I said yes and began to reach into my wallet for it when Tony turned around and just liked that.
He was on the ground.
Clutching the open driver’s side, he had shock written all over his face.
He had been stabbed.
It all happened so quickly and the man had turned around and was running off.
I jumped out of the car and ran towards him.
He was bleeding out and I didn’t know what to do.
His mouth was closed as he stared at me with his eyes wide open.
He had fear written all over his face and I couldn’t make it go away.
I remembered things I had seen on TV shows and I used my scarf to stop the bleeding.
He was totally silent as he slipped away.
I began to yell
Please call 911. My boyfriend has been stabbed!”
Someone from the other end of the parking lot started running towards us. Seconds after the sound of sirens on the ambulance filled the air.
“Tony, don’t leave me. Please hold on.
Please baby. Please!”
The ambulance arrived and the EMT’s came to attend to him as I clutched his hand. The whole time I never let go of his hand.
I just held on tight.
That was the tightest I have ever held on to anything in my life.
He was lifted into the back of the ambulance and I sat next to him.
He was bleeding so much and I continued to talk to him.
“Tony, you’re going to be okay. Just hold on baby”
My eyes glued to him. I couldn’t lose him.
I just could not imagine my life without him.
Please, Lord. I begged.
I just needed him to be better. I needed him in my life.
He was a huge part of my life.
He was my everything and it was clear to me that I was all of his.
We pulled into the hospital parking and as they were about to lift him out of the back when he said with the little breath he had
I looked down at him and said
“Babe, we are here already. Hold on.”
They lifted him out of the back of the ambulance and wheeled him into the hospital. I was on my heels running barefooted with the gurney as they wheeled him into the OR.
We pulled up into the OR and they were about to start working on him. They didn’t ask me to leave or let go of his hand.
He struggled to keep his eyes open. And then he squeezed my hand a little tighter.
He opened his eyes, looked at me and said
“Tiffany, I love you with all my heart”
That was it.
That was the last he said
That was the last thing my heart felt.
That was when I died too.
There were no tears. Just shock.
I slowly let go of his hand as they began trying to revive him.
I walked over like a zombie and I sat down. My right hand was shaking.
And my left hand clutched on to my scarf that was soaked in his blood.
I just sat there.
I must have just lost the greatest gift God had given me. At that time, I hadn’t even processed the stabbing and all.
All I was thinking was that Tony, the love of my life- My everything was gone.
Taken away from me, one day after the celebration of his birth.
It hurt and I just sat there.
It must have been about 15 minutes of sitting there as they tried thing after thing. Eventually, they pronounced him dead.
I saw the nurses in the OR come out one by one with this solemn look on their faces.
As if they were saying, “I’m sorry” without opening their mouths.
I still wasn’t crying. I just stared into space.
And then the charge nurse walked up to me and sat down next to me. She held my hand and handed a box to me along with some of his other belongings.
I slowly opened the box and it was an engagement ring.
I looked at her and she looked at me with her eyes filling up.
And then I broke.
Part 2 will be published on Saturday.
WELCOME TO THE NEW SERIES “RUINS”
I am beyond excited to present this story to you all. I really hope you enjoy it and please continue to comment. REMEMBER, your feedback is EVERYTHING TO ME.
Thank you all!
Check back on Saturday for Part 2.
Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.
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