Jealousy

Jealousy

Subway by Asa

 

Meeting her

All I could do was stare at her

It was a Saturday

And my friends had forced me to go out that day

I just wanted to stay in and play video games

And then I saw you walk along the way

I started to come and say hi

But many men swarmed you

So many other eyes

You smiled and greeted

My confidence slowly depleted

And then I began to compare

What made them better than me?

Taking the risk to step up to you and get turned down

Was one so huge I couldn’t bare

 

Making night rounds

I “stumble” on to his page

I know I shouldn’t go through

But I’m already here and I can’t help it

So what would you have me do?

Refresh

Give me a second

Let me catch my breath

I’m scrolling down his timeline while I clutch my chest

Who is this bitch with her boobs hanging out her shirt?

Favorite tweet one

Retweet tweet two

Subtle signs to let him know that he should only be tweeting about you

I could ignore

 

When we argue

I wonder who he’s talking to

I hope it’s not one of those

One of those that won’t leave him alone

They swarm

And try to stay under the radar

Like camouflaged drones

Blending in the shawdows

The have it drawn

Their bows and arrows

But the attention you give them only brings me sorrow

I’m jealous

But I swear

You would never know

 

I don’t want to watch them talk to you

But I gotta play it cool

I can’t be all sweaty on my palms while hanging with my crew

I have to be honest when I say this

All I want is you

But you’re out there and what can a brother do

I hate your Instagram page

The comments are nice

But they feel like needles thru my viens

Painful

Knowing others see your beauty can be stressful

I want to be the only one that tells you

 

 

Twisted

I twisted

Am I twisted?

I turned and sat up in bed

Thoughts of you running crazily through my head

What if you’re with another man

Truly then I’d rather be dead

I’m shaking at the thought of losing you

If you weren’t mine

What would I do?

There is so much I want to do

Such heights I want to attain with you

But I can’t fathom how to be vulnerable enough to let you know

That I don’t want to be without you

 

 

She just started a new job at the law firm

I’m proud of her

I truly am

But there s something within me

That makes me want to scream

I’m better than

Than her

Somehow I feel like I’m in the shadow from afar

And then resentment begins to set in

Going out with her becomes a thing I’m dreading

They said pray for your own

Do some fasting

But nobody ever said

I would feel like the one who always has to be in the back seat

 

It comes into you and eats

Jealousy creeps in and defeats

Fight it

Stand tall

Stay on your feet

The battle should be within

To be the best person you can be

Because the truth of the matter is

There is someone out there hoping to be you

And have what you have

So I say to you

Be content with what you have indeed

Don’t succumb greed

Jealousy only comes to defeat

Life should encourage you

Not force you to always want to compete

 

 

Over the last few weeks, I have been reevaluating the definition of this thing called love.

The same love will force you to move mountains for someone but could also have you heartbroken and in tears because you love someone and they don’t love you.

I have wondered about the strength of the word love.

Personally, I feel like our generation has not grasped the true meaning of it.

 

“Love is selfless”

 

Selfless in what sense, you ask?

Selfless in the sense that it can fend off so much from hurt to insecurities to life to pain. Today we allow love to be replaced by so many other unappealing emotions.

That’s how things like jealousy arise. You begin to find men and women who cannot stand or appreciate each other and would do anything to pull the other down because they do not truly love them

 

Loving selflessly is important. It is “okay” to feel a pinch when your friend gets a job you wanted but it should immediately be replaced with love.

Love in wanting the best for them.

Love in seeing their growth and letting it inspire you. As opposed to filling you with disgust, resentment and anger.

 

I had a friend this past summer, be put in a situation where he did not realize the truth about how he felt about me, would come out.

In hanging out, with some girlfriends of ours, he got upset about something and basically said he thought I was always putting him down because “Sanmi gets all the girls”

Everyone around was shocked and I was hugely disappointed because I have always had mad love and respect for the dude. It took me aback and led me to not trust him and most people.

 

I had the MOST HONEST AND OPEN conversation I have ever had with my mother a few days ago where she talked about what true love means.

Loving someone so much more than you love yourself.

Being willing to go through it all for their happiness.

Never letting your heart be consumed by anything but love. I wrote specifically about jealousy today but that is only one form of how a lack of pure and true love for another manifests itself.

 

I have friends and people I admire and aspire to be like but I never allow it to become jealousy. Never.

The feelings may start to creep in but it is your job to shut it out SUPER EARLY.

Never let yourself become envious or jealous of your brother/sister, be it about their relationships, jobs, belongings and even physical state.

Instead let what they have inspire you to be better always.

Today, I challenge you to love selflessly. Be happy for the people around you. Let lifting them up be your way of lifting yourself up.

Tonight, pick up the phone and pray for someone you love. Tell them you love them. Keep your heart pure from “unclean” thoughts.

Jealousy is only one way a lack of love shows. True love only has one way of showing itself. It grows.

 

Stay Up!

PLEASE COMMENT.

The End

Follow @adewus4real

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.