So take a break from what you’re doing for a second and Think With Me. Here’s brief insight into the mind of #WhatTheHeckMan’s guest writer Dr. K aka @bmorenigerian Follow @bmorenigerian on Twitter. It got me thinking and I’m curious to find out what you’re thinking… so hey, would you “Think With Me”
Swim Good by Frank Ocean
Here’s Dr. K
So I was having a dope iMessage conversation with an old friend I respect. She’s a huge woman’s rights activist in the DMV & great at what she does. In the midst of our conversation, she asked, “Kay, give me your honest, professional opinion of how you feel about a man hitting a woman? Do you agree with lifetime bans? ”
We’ve already established that hitting is a no-no. The abuser is completely wrong & should deal with the consequences to his stupidity. (Wow, I said “his”. Hmm). In my reply, I questioned why we immediately condemn everyone, without giving opportunities for rehabilitation… & I addressed a little bit of society’s hypocrisy.
Don’t kill me, please. This is me losing my blogpost virginity.
Here’s my response to a friend:
I challenge myself to understand others, & not immediately condemn actions. And even doing that & saying this, there are still things I feel are reprehensible…especially when it comes to the violation of others. I can’t stand preying on the weak. I’ve seen it up close, & seen what it can do to someone’s psyche. Taking your frustrations out on others… It’s heinous. But it’s hard for me to give a black & white reaction in a world we know nothing really is (black & white).
The ones I DETEST are the ones that are stuck in their sick ways. The ones that don’t see the wrong or fault in the way they view women or the way they treat women, & are unwilling to get help. The ones that terrorize the weak. Deceive us that they’re great people, but are secretly performing sordid acts. One with a history of violence, repeat offenders. They sicken me. Like an addict who sees no wrong in doing drugs. Or an addict that tells you they’ve quit, but secretly shoots up. They need to be awakened & taught a lesson.
But, I think it’s ok to believe some people are open to growth, learning, & rehab. I believe you can attest to the fact that people make mistakes, especially when inebriated (benefit of the doubt here). Some people do wholeheartedly want help. Do we abandon them at their time of need? Do you think it’s wise to throw an addict to the curb? Do you believe in punishment without showing the culprit the error of their ways? Believe it or not, not all of us grew up with the same ideals, lessons, experiences, beliefs. And how one is as an adult can be a manifestation of that upbringing that was filled with mis-education. Some need an education, a proper education. Some people only learn fire is hot by grabbing the frying pan.
Sometimes in life, you need to lose something to win. Really wish we didn’t have to go through something to grasp the magnitude of a lesson fully, but we’ve all been there; in a situation where we didn’t listen & PAID badly for finding out firsthand what everyone already warned us about, & it’s helped us grow.
If someone is willing to admit they have a problem, & are willing to genuinely get help & get better, I’m all for it. Let’s kill the cancer before it spreads further.
I think it’s ok to condemn an action & also root for a person to change their life around. I’ve seen the “hopeless” go clean, & subsequently help others turn their lives around. I’ve seen criminals discover the wrong in their behavior, learn there’s a better way to approach life, learn responsibility, change their attitude & become helpers, doctors, lawyers, pastors, heroes…upstanding citizens, publicly & privately.
I’m questioning myself as I write, because again, I feel deeply for victims of deplorable exploits, and my first thought is the death penalty. But is that really fair? Who is my sinning ass to make that call?
I don’t have all the solutions, Sway. I do think all this conversation is great though. Silver lining. We get to slowly bring attention & awareness to the bigger issue, domestic violence, including all forms of abuse. Meaning bad treatment & verbal abuse, & the damage it leaves that may not show in your IG pics. Not just DV/DA, but also our violent culture as a whole. We need to get to a point where we’re frowning at men beating men, women beating women, & even women beating men with the same level of dissatisfaction. Zero tolerance clears the blurred lines, rids scenarios & circumstances.
*Goes off topic* Is it ok for a woman to attack a man because she may have an excuse *coughs Solange*? Is it ok for women to beat on each other, & for us to find entertainment in that *coughs ratchet TV*? Are the bruises they leave on each other not as important? I get that there’s a psychological factor that makes the situation different. Getting beat up by someone who is supposed to love & protect you, is a violation of trust & safety. That’s why I mentioned that we’d hopefully get to the bigger issue one day.
*Back to the issues/questions at hand*…
Does a despicable act make you a despicable person? Can you be a “good” person & make a bad decision? Is everyone that fucks up big deserved of being judged (forever) by their past discretion? Is everyone that fucks up incapable of genuinely getting better?
Why the hell are we here if we don’t believe no one can be saved?
Think with me.
Oh by the way, while you’re saying no to second chances, could you turn that new CB album a little bit so I can hear you clearly? Also, can you be sure to post your “MCM Ochocinco” when everyone goes to bed? Wait, how much did you say those Solange tickets were again?
Engage in the conversation with feedback. How did this make you think? COMMENT!!! We’ll talk back…
Thank you for reading and commenting. You are highly appreciated.