Empty

 

Stay With Me – Sam Smith

Leaves falling

Toasted skies

The morning dew elevated off the ground. People standing next to me as I looked up into the sunlight beaming straight on to my face. Down I placed my head; I was standing here in the midst of people… Present but alone.

I could hear their wails as my thoughts prevented them from settling in my head. Tears rolling down my cheeks emerged from behind my sunglasses; I stood there motionless and broken.

They lowered it in and the shovel was handed to me, I stood with it in my right hand. The contrast clear  as I stood in my black tailored suit and the shovel in my hand forcing me to look like a construction worker. I tightened my grip and placed my left hand on the shovel and in a digging motion; I dumped the first piece of dirt into the hole. A few minuteslater, final words were said and everyone walked away. People tapping on my shoulders expressing their sadness and condolences; I was glued in my spot.

It was only a matter of minutes and I was all-alone with flowers at the foot of the headstones and my thoughts. A fresh set of tears began to flow down my cheeks once more. I had just placed both best friends in the ground. My entire support system was gone. Both my parents had just been placed in a grave and buried. It is always hoped that the children will bury their parents but never expected at such a young age. I was inconsolable, broken and empty. My world was gone.

.    .    .    .    .

There were refreshments for the guests back at my parent’s house. I remember walking in and people still trying to console me. I headed straight for my room upstairs. Stopping by my parent’s room, I took one more look as some of their things had now been stuffed into boxes. I stood there waiting for them to walk in right behind me but they never came. Alone with a house filled with people, my heart ached and I turned back into my room.

My room was completely empty except for the blazer I wore the day before on the bed and my packed bags on the floor. I sat there in the corner of the room with my bags next to me. The room was empty and I just needed to feel present. It felt like I was still in shock. I had gotten the call from my uncle that my parents had been in a ghastly car accident while on vacation in Hawaii. I rushed down from my post in Florida where I was just finishing up my medical program. I had begged them to come on vacation to Miami and they refused. I really just wanted them to be with me. I had just finished a busy work cycle and I could have shown them around and more but they decided it was the Island they wanted to visit.

I played every scenario in my head trying to figure out if I could have been more persuasive and more aggressive in my appeals. I wanted to have one more moment with them. I held my father’s graduation cap in my hand as I sat on the floor remembering why I even went into medical school to begin with. I remember my father being diagnosed with prostate cancer years ago and his fight against it and the toll it took on him and our family. He came out on top but had various scares and I remember as a young lad in college wanting to be there for my family in anyway; medical or otherwise. Now they were gone. And I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by my uncle who knocked on the door.

“Who is it?”

I said wiping my tears away from my face.

“It’s your uncle Dele”

“Come in uncle”

I responded as I cleared my throat.

He came in and sat on the bed next to me and began with,

“My sincerest condolences Femi, I am truly sorry for your loss and that of this family. To lose them has really shaken us. I hope you are okay and I just wanted you to know that we love you and will support you in whatever way possible.”

“Thank you uncle. I appreciate it”

I said shaking his hand and standing to my feet. I picked my bags up and placed my jacket over my left forearm. Walking out of the room behind my uncle and scanning the house once more as I walked out. I was leaving behind my childhood and youth. My sadness could not have been put into words but it was evident that I was lonely.

Uncle Dele’s wife, my mom’s younger sister, came up to me and gave me a big hug whispering in my ear to always call and keep in touch. I did not hug her back. I did not trust her. It was still unexplained to me that my parents were on a vacation with them and it was only my parents that were involved in a suspicious accident. I felt like she had a hand in it. I didn’t know yet but I was going to find out especially as she was joint owners with my mother in her ceramics company.  I walked to my car and placed my bags in the trunk. As I walked around the car, I scanned the neighborhood I grew up in. I sat in the driver’s seat and looked at my boarding pass. I had a flight to catch and I still had to return this rental car. DFW to FLL it read, I wanted to leave now. I was leaving behind my life; my parents were never going to see me build my own home.

.    .    .    .    .    .

 

Give Me Love – Ed Sheeran

It had been 7 months since my parent’s funeral and I still had no answers as to what I wanted to do with my life and myself. I was functioning at about 65% of happiness. Many nights feeling alone and lost. In the blink of an eye, life had orphaned me. I couldn’t speak to anything to change my state. I pushed myself to brink by pulling myself away from the world. Alone in my room I would on cry many nights wishing there was a way I could get them back, even if it was for a few minutes but I got nothing.

Samantha and I had been dating for a few months, she was in many ways part of my recovery package. She made me feel whole. Sam as I called her, was one of the interns in the hospital and I met her when I was helping out another department during one of those late night shifts. She was patient and loved what I was and what I stood for. It was the little things she did that made me feel loved. Like when she cooked for me or showed particular attention to my drawings that I did for fun. Whenever I felt down and I wanted to hide or push her away, she would get stronger and stand her ground and be my backbone. I was falling harder and harder for this girl even though I was trying to do everything to push her away. I did not want to love and then be left hurt. I wasn’t going to love and then be abandoned or let life take someone I loved again.

Due to the long hours I worked at the hospital, the best time and only free time I had almost always seemed to clash with the time that Sam was working. Most of our dates were in scrubs and grabbing dinners from the hospital deli. But being close to her caused us to get to know each other better faster. I was attracted to her resilience in ensuring that I did not remain depressed. She never called me needy or showed that my hurt overwhelmed her. She sat there and really just wanted to work magic in my life, she was magic. I remember one evening about 3 months into dating her, she texted me that she was in the break room and she wanted to have sex right then!

It was the spontaneity that she exuded that caused me to be continuously drawn to her. I just wanted to be around her. I was wrapping up with a client when the text came through. I quickly glanced at it and prepared to dash out of the room. Ms Jacobs laughed one more time holding on to my forearm as she prepared to be discharged. I really just wanted to be out of there like I had places to be. I signed the final paperwork with the nurse and darted out. I remember somebody trying to stop me for something in the lobby by the nurses’ desk. I ran right past them, heading for the elevator door. I stood in front of it impatiently waiting for it to climb the four floors from the ground up. I had two more floors to go up to. Pressing it, it opened up and an older man, a patient stood right in front of me with a face guard on probably to protect himself from something. As we know, hospitals can be infectious too. I hopped in the elevator and asked,

“Up or down?”

He pointed up. Pressing the sixth floor, the door slowly closed and I looked at myself from top to bottom making sure that I looked okay andwasn’t covered in some odd liquid or something. At the sixth floor I hopped out, smiled at the man and turned around heading for the break room. I just needed to get through because my body could no longer contain the excitement and the pressure that was rising between my legs. I arrived at the break room and found that the door was locked as per our plan. Samantha had locked the door to prevent anybody else from coming in. As it was a shared break room if anyone had come in, we would have been stuck. Getting someone out of the break room was so much harder, so it was better to have the door closed. She opened the door and I let myself in closing the door behind me.

“How are you doing baby?”

I asked without giving her time to talk. I snatched her up off the ground and carried her, pinning her against the wall with her legs in my hands. I looked at her and scanned her chest downwards and planted a kiss on her lips. It was absolutely quiet and the only noise heard was that of our lips smacking on each other. I didn’t want to hear anything else or see anybody else. I could feel the stethoscope around my neck searching for my heightening pulse or my heartbeat I should say. It was throbbing as my body geared for the things it wanted to do. I pulled off her lab coat; dropping it to the floor it revealed her scrubs. We looked pretty much identical in what we were wearing even though I was a doctor and she was only interning.  I wanted to rip her scrubs but I knew she had to walk out of the room. So I slowly asked her to remove her shirt, which she did whilst hanging mid-air in my arms.  Her breasts emerged; looking like the perfect set I just wanted a piece of it. Immediately I began to work my tongue on the corner of the bra searching for her nipples. She began to moan. I wasn’t even where I wanted to be yet and she was already moaning. Down south, all I could remember was my hard package rising harder between my legs and all I wanted to do was stick it inside. I wanted to stick it deep inside her. I wanted her to feel it in her gut. I wanted her to feel every detail of every inch of my member inside her.  All my body wanted to do was connect with hers. I wanted to drive her wild and I was going to do it in that room. I walked her over to the couch in the break room and sat her down on it. In the same swift motion, I pulled her pants down while she removed my stethoscope. I was semi dressed and only in my pants with my hard member erect and pointing at her. She placed her right hand on it and licked her lips. A smile on her face as if to say,

“I can’t wait for this to be inside of me”

She continued to stroke it. I dropped back to my knees and parted her legs. I could see her starting to drip slowly. I licked my lips and she slightly shook. Going down I placed my tongue on her pink. It was wet and I was hungry. Without warning my tongue began to flicker in this crazy zigzag motion from left to right. Slow to begin with and then picking up the pace. I could see her with her hands wide apart grabbing onto the material of the couch. Her knees snapped back and forth as her toes curled. She tried to force her legs to close, clamping my head between her legs. It became a struggle to breathe but I was going to lick every bit of juice from her, till I got every single drop. Looking at me while I glanced up at her, she seemed to look at me with this look of injustice; as if I did something that she didn’t want me to do when in actual fact she wanted me to do it but didn’t know it would be of that much pleasure. I was having the time of my life. Making the woman I was falling for go “crazy” was just perfect. I could not imagine that feeling being given to her by someone else.

So there I was parting her lower lips with my tongue and sticking it inside her. It seemed to awaken something because at that point, she would not let me continue to feast on her with my tongue because now she wanted me to stick my now super hard and waiting package deep inside her tight wetness. So I straightened up gently and on my knees, I slowly slid into her. Wet. Slippery. Soaking. Hot. Tight. Wet. For a quick second, I had to contain myself because every guy would agree with me that going in too fast can mess up your entire routine. You then find yourself looking like a minute man; all because you went in too fast, into what is an amazing area of a woman’s body.  Kneeling up straight, I positioned myself and took a deep breath and began to pace. Sliding in and out, in and out. On my hairless chest she dug her fingers in, starting to want to scream. The pleasure of the motions with the risk of getting caught drove her over the edge and she became wetter driving so much more excitement through both of us. It was daring, dangerous and fucking hot. It defined our relationship in some regards. We could do it anywhere, anytime and anyhow (ask the staff at the local Subway).  This was the woman I could do anything with. All we needed was to make the right eye contact and let our bodies talk and no matter where we were, on a plane, in a train or even behind a drain or in that hospital break room; we made magic.

Refocusing my mind and looking down at her, she ran her right hand across my face, cleaning up the rest of her juices smeared on my chin stuck on my beard and took it into her mouth and licked it. Argh! I felt chills down my spine that travelled all the way to the tip of my member deep inside her. I almost wanted to explode right then but I held it together clinching my butt cheeks together. The pace began to pick up and I turned her over to my favorite position. On her fours pulling her hair, she turned looking back at me as if to beg me to take it easy but I knew that language.

“Take it easy” to me meant “fuck me harder till I cry and make sure I cum on your dick”

I continued my detailed efforts to ensure that all pleasure was given to her and I was not going to explode early. At one point, I had to distract my mind and think about something else because her wetness was so hot, I had to ensure that early ejaculation was off the table. Her wetness gripped me tight with every inch feeling the hot walls deep inside of her.  I grabbed hold of her waist with my right hand, pulling her hair back with my left she got louder and moaned,

“baby please fuck me harder I’m about to cum on your dick” 

Thrusting, my balls continued to slam on her clit and then craziest thing happened. There was a knock on the door.

“Who the hell could that be?”

I asked quietly and what were they doing there?

 My member still throbbing inside her while she stayed on her fours. We stayed still and panicked wondering if the person had the key to the room and was going to let him or herself in. I heard the person on the other side of the door say to someone down the hall,

“Oh it’s locked. Lets go to the other one”

I heard footsteps as they walked away and I began the motion again, sliding in and out reaching for deeper realms in her insides to ensure that we both hit our climax around the same time as soon as possible before we got caught. It was in and out, in and out with control and force. Her juices trickled down and tickled my balls. I was going insane and I knew she was too.

To speed up the process, I shifted my hands squarely on her clit and began to flicker my index finger. She slapped it out of the way and yelled,

“Stop!”

I continued to go in and out of her and then she went silent.

Dead silent. She clamped her knees together with both my hands now on her waist. Her toes curled. Right at the moment I was about to cum, I pulled out of her and she began to drip as she came and exploded in the space between her legs on the floor. Liquids mixing on the floor, I slumped on top of her as she turned around and kissed her. We had to get going and get out of there fast. I headed for the cloth to clean up while she dashed into the break room bathroom and emerged a few minutes later. I looked at her and kissed her again. She walked out of the room first after promising to have dinner with me that Saturday night. I sat in the chair as I tried to catch my breath. That was fun. And sitting there, in that dark room my depressed mind began to take over again. Sigh.

.     .     .     .     .      .

It was 5:21am and I was pouring my coffee into my cup. I was heading to work but I didn’t want to go. I had just returned about 6 hours before and here I was heading out the door again. The struggle I now faced, I worked hard to become a doctor only to slave my life away to the system. I stopped by the mailbox to pick out the mail. It was a big batch of envelopes. I packed them all and shoved them under my left arm while I headed to the hospital down the street.

The day went by relatively smooth and I was only on my third cup of coffee for the day when I sat at my desk to go through my mail. The hospital desk was now my living room. I was about midway through the mail when I noticed a hand written letter from my aunt. I carefully tore open the envelope and read through the contents inside.

I was dumbfounded and confused. The house was meant to be sold and the money given to me. What was happening? What were my aunt and uncle doing? I couldn’t understand it. Only one line stood out to me and that was,

“…. We are moving into my sister’s house ”

 My mouth wide open, this felt like a threat. She was trying to ruin me. Why would she do this?!

 I blurted out,

“What The Heck…”

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