Good Kid, Bad Intentions

 

I Swear I Thought It Was You

I cried tonight
Because of you
Well mostly me
But you
Tonight I let go
I finally did it
For so long I held on
I tried
To make it work
To stop the slide down the slopes
She was an imitation of you
A project
Something to save
To make me come alive
But it was doomed anyways
I remained stubborn and arrogant
Anything could work if I put my mind to it
Or so I thought
But I soon realized
That anything could burn
Even without taking a match to it

The Wordsmith
11/29/16
@adewus4real

Also check out my current series The Man, The Shadow; Diary of a Lost Soul. Part 3

Good Kid, Bad Intentions

Ever sent a message and you got the reply but the person on the other side completely misunderstood whatever you sent to them?
You’re grabbing your head, sighing, wondering why you have to then type a follow-up text to explain yourself.
Have you ever wondered why you buy a brand new car and one of the headlights or brake lights goes out before the other over time?

Like you can’t use one brake light without the other. So why does one seem to blow out before the other?
Now I am sure there is a mechanical or electrical reason for that but let’s just explore that surface idea for a second.

I truly believe you don’t need to figure out why that happens with cars but just understanding that it happens in all facets of life.
The bible asks in Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together without agreeing?”
The answer is yes but of course, their directionality will be off.

That brings me to the concept of “good people, good intentions”.
You see because we are emotional beings, often fallible, fickle and mostly selfish; there is a tendency for us to offend.
Even “good” people do it.
I have joked but with a hint of seriousness that there are only a handful of truly “good” people in the world.
Alter a scenario or situation, and you can bring out extreme “bad” out of someone.

I was sitting in my sexual harassment training at my job once when I first heard the phrase “It is not your intent, it’s your impact”.
It stuck.
It let me see that no matter how much good you have in you, you can still offend.
Let me give you an example.

YOU: You walk into your aunt’s house and you see your cousin Sarah. Sarah is wearing a form fitting yellow skirt that hugs her curves in the right places. You like Sarah’s skirt and how it hugs her waistline and thighs.
You wish you had thighs like Sarah. So you say out loud “girl these your hips can kill person. Loving that skirt. Just give dem softly sha”
Sarah smiles, and you walk away without really registering the interaction.
SARAH: Hearing your statement/compliment reminds Sarah to look at the skirt.
She was already self-conscious about wearing it. But wanted to try the whole “love your body idea”. Your comment undid that.
Now Sarah is hating the attention that your compliment brought to her hips. She hasn’t even put on weight like that but she just has a lot down there that she is working with. And your intent to compliment that, just put it all on display. Bringing a discomfort that she is all too familiar with.

Now if Sarah called you aside and said your comment made her feel “some type of way about herself”, you’ll be surprised but you’ll most likely understand.
The point is, good people have off days.
Mostly unintentional or when they become “human” but they do.
And that is okay.

The issue arises when you spending more time making people feel like Sarah, instead of lifting them up.
After every interaction, I evaluate and ask myself, have I added value to someone’s life or taken away from it.
I once dated someone where I thought complete honesty was the way forward. Until she told me that my bluntness was sometimes abrasive and carried a condescending air with it.
I had to change my approach even though my intent was never to offend, my impact left someone feels unhappy.
Lately, I have been exploring the concept of “do people really change?”
Will I become less detached? Less of an asshole (unproven statement btw!)
Will I lose other friends in the future because I am a horrible person?
Do people who have done “bad” things to you, have it within them to be “good”?

Something happened recently where I had to sit and explore my intention and impact. And I was left thinking, maybe some people just don’t know how to be good or happy for others.
Part of recognizing your impact is emotional maturity and humility.
It takes those things to hear someone out and realize how you made them feel even if it wasn’t your intention.

I don’t think we are immune to offending. Like the analogy with the car, in the beginning, two people might hear the same compliment and not receive it as such.
It takes a level of responsibility to go into every situation and be intentional and aware of your impact.
Even those with the best of intentions offend and because some want to be good to you, they never express those feelings.

 

It’s #WordsOfWednesday by The Wordsmith @adewus4real
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